Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thank you @SortingItOut that helps, I will go through this with him

SortingItOut
Wow ! That’s useful

After my date last week we texted over the weekend and were getting on but now haven’t texted since Sunday. I do like him but don’t feel motivated to text because a, I don’t want to be the one that always initiates contact and b, I don’t really feel like chatting (about nothing). I would love to meet someone that was really into me and sent me affectionate messages, wanted to contact me, would say things like ‘thinking of you or ‘miss you’ etc but I always just end up with half-hearted blokes who I feel aren’t interested enough.

@Knutface, are you not feeling it with your iron or just a bit jaded with the process? Messages like ‘thinking of you’ and ‘ missing you’ might come across as a bit love bomby early on but I absolutely get the sentiment of what you are saying. I think there’s nothing wrong with contacting your iron to keep the momentum going but if it feels like you are the one doing all the leg work then of course that’s going to become tiresome and demoralising.

[quote Eesha]@Backonthedatingtrain22 thank you, I was desperately sad at the time because he got all het up saying he wasn't well and I was in limbo for ages wondering what was going on. I never expected to care much for anyone after that but this one is a decent sort so long may it last.[/quote]
I remember. He was making way for someone you truly deserve. Long May it last

Ah i know what you are feeling @Knutface . Im kind of in both camps 🤦‍♀️like guys that give me space but when its too much space then Im like "you must be not that bothered".
It might be just sthg like he doesnt want overdo it for you 🤷‍♀️ and not mean he is not that into you. I think this is the hardest part to get right especially on the beginning of communication. Go with a flow and ride the wave until its clear for you x

@Knutface
Was this a 1st or 2nd date, ? Might be a bit early to be sending the “miss you”, kinda texts bit OTT maybe?
Plus you say you don’t like chatting anyhow ?
Do you send him missing you messages, no irons has ever sent me one of those,

Sorry, this my new user name (Curmudgeon),
Checking in, no irons or steels or bronze or any metals.

Have been invited to take part in a motorcycle escort for my mate who died last week

After a month of joining this thread, I finally have some dating news to share! After many dates where I just felt no connection, I had a really great date at the weekend, the chat just flowed and the chemistry felt like nothing I've ever felt before, well it definitely was for me but he seemed as eager as I was to meet again. Even just kissing was amazing! I'm trying not to lose the run of myself.....but letting myself get slightly excited about this one!

@Hehx3 lots of apps have a ‘smart photos’ thing on them which means the the order changes to test which is best based off swiping and may not have been him specifically updating them? If it’s just a reorder and not new ones?

@ihavetogoshoppingnow oooo thats interesting... so it was a photo that he had, then it disappeared from his profile and tonight re-appeared - its not rearranging though as such... 🤷‍♀️ it is a weird one as its a picture of his bike only (🤦‍♀️) (that he sold ages ago anyway)

@Hehx3 I was about to say the same, that photos could have been reordered based on an algorithm rather than him being active. You have nothing to lose by asking.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow agree with other pps that it’s probably the app reordering them

Sorry that was to @Hehx3

That’s exciting @Startingover37! 💘

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I have a 4th date this Friday and I’ll be asking the same thing After I’ve had a shag out of him hahahaha I’ll be upset but I really like him and it won’t work for my mental health It’s totally a reasonable question

This OLD really skews normal boundaries
Sigh

Glad you have another date arranged. Did he initiate? Are you going out?

@Knutface

After my date last week we texted over the weekend and were getting on but now haven’t texted since Sunday. I do like him but don’t feel motivated to text because a, I don’t want to be the one that always initiates contact and b, I don’t really feel like chatting (about nothing). I would love to meet someone that was really into me and sent me affectionate messages, wanted to contact me, would say things like ‘thinking of you or ‘miss you’ etc but I always just end up with half-hearted blokes who I feel aren’t interested enough.

I can understand you feeling that way. It's wanting to know that he had a good time too and wants to see you again. I would personally wait to see if he gets in touch. If he's keen then you will know.

Thanks @ButterflyOfShay It's an exciting feeling. I'm so aware that it may not turn into anything but after a while OLD and never really connecting with anyone at all, it's just great even to know the possibility is there!! I'm just going to try live in the moment and see where it takes me.
I hope you are doing well. Any more encounters with Mr. Turk? x

@Knutface I totally get how you are feeling. I think OLD has made us even more concerned with messages, given that is how the communication starts initially.
I'm going to try to go by 'actions, not words' as in there is no point him telling me he misses me if he doesn't try to arrange to see me.
I also did find before that the most consistent 'miss you'/'thinking of you' texters on OLD often were not the most consistent in actually being proactive about meeting.
I totally get you though and it's hard not to get caught up in it all. I hope it works out for you

@Startingover37 I love that electric feeling of meeting someone you have a crazy spark with. Oh i miss that! I agree enjoy it for whatever it is as that feeling of chemistry doesnt happen very often.. and life is short!
Have seen Turk but it’s kind if boring now I haven’t felt any interest really. If he was interested I’d feel it. Bored if there never being anyone of interest!!! 😟 my love life is bloody extinct 😢

Thanks, I guess it would just be nice to be wooed for once. Probably also feeling like this due to Valentines looming, reminds me of my marriage where there was sod all in the way of romantic gestures during that day (and every other day lol)!

Checking in to say hello. Still not on the apps and no irons.
Even if I haven't managed to change jobs by the spring I might head back on them anyway

@Hehx3 I think you definitely need to speak to him either way, I wouldn’t mention the photos just something like ‘I think we’re at the point now where we should discuss exclusivity/coming off apps’ ?

Heeeey @Dancerinthemoonlight 😘👋👋

WELL I had an interesting day in the office. There’s a new guy in the IT dept who ive never seen before and from what I’ve seen he is HOT. I’ll call him MrIT 😍