Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’m very jaggedly this weekend
7 months of asd and mildly adhd sons and no respite
Even prison officers get a break

Anyway it makes dating hard sometimes as hard to explain to men , they don’t get it or how hard it is

Hello, I’d like to join please. Keen to dip my toe in dating - haven’t been single for 18 years though, and utterly terrified on putting a profile on OLD.

It’s putting photos up that’s worrying me. Just the privacy side - someone I know recognising me, a school dad or something. It feels cringey. And then receiving unwanted messages or weird shit… Admittedly OLD wasn’t a thing when I met my husband so it’s probably completely normal to everyone else.

I don’t really have time for a boyfriend (full time mum to a 3 and 8 yo) but I would like the odd date, some flirting would be nice.

Grateful for any reassurance or tips for making a first step

@Thisisworsethananticpated it’s so fucking hard when you’re doing it alone especially when you don’t have someone who gets it

@Levithecat you just have to think if anyone did recognise you, they’re on there too so it’s equal. Also I’m not sure if other apps do but on tinder you can block any phone contacts you don’t want to see you

I’ve never been able to settle on the idea of a fwb type thing because I either (as demonstrated) get wayyy to caught up in my feelings if I like someone or I loose interest because I don’t don’t like them enough to have feelings so they therefore don’t excite me but I feel like hippy could work he’s interesting and conversational enough to not be boring, sexually open but isn’t a fuckboy type but is also the kind of person that likes to run off around the world naked and chanting so absolutely not for settling down with

@Levithecat if you pay on some sites you can browse incognito. You will only show up to those you show an interest in.

Right, back to Crufts ...

@MayEye
Thanks, date was very underwhelming

You’re right @ihavetogoshoppingnow !
@HairyArsedMan incognito would be really good, just go get a feel for it…

Welcome @Levithecat!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow - what happened yesterday.. was the date yesterday?

Interesting chat re priorities and agree it's not about having to be front and centre all the time but it's important to feel like you matter to that person. Also agree that it's a given kids absolutely come first and if I didn't sense that in someone it would be a massive turn off.

I had my second date of the week with Mr Eurostar on Friday... we went to a jazz club for dinner etc - had a great time but no physical attraction on my part; am pretty sure he felt the same way. Was interesting to ponder on the way home because it was fun, all was respectful and he walked me to my car afterwards, lots of chat, kiss on both cheeks etc, but I had to ask myself whether I'm really in the right headspace for it all because even that sort of perfect scenario (other than there being no attraction which neither of us can help!) left me feeling a bit deflated. Like ugh, what's the point?? Of course the point is that if we can be a bit resilient and just keep on going, that something good will happen.

I'm still pondering my potential FWB person aptly named by @Thisisworsethananticpated as Mr Filthy... we've had a couple of messages back and forth since meeting and a vague plan to meet again on Wednesday. In answer to @ihavetogoshoppingnow - I have always thought I definitely couldn't do FWB as I always catch feelings but I think that's because the other person always wants the 'girlfriend experience' as well as the sex bit - I've now realised that if I spend weekends with someone doing lovely things, holding hands, having loads of sex, and speak to them a lot in between etc - I WILL get attached. The only way it would work for me is to get rid of all those peripheral romantic bits. Which has always made me think yes but would I want to have sex with someone without the extra bits? So - still pondering this. But may meet Mr Filthy to experiment on Weds - will report back

Other than that, also seriously thinking about deleting the apps for the time being and focusing on other things. Renovations still ongoing here, work is pretty full on, and I think I'm still getting over MrM. We've had some contact recently regarding a work project which has all been very friendly and professional, but probably isn't good for me overall.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
Was supposed to have a proper date on Friday evening, but we ended up meeting yesterday afternoon/ early evening, was a bit meh,
Ms Horse had come straight from doing her horse stuff and still smelt a bit horsey and was a bit preoccupied with other stuff, so a bit of a waste of time really.

Joined Bumble and it does seem much better than the others but I’ve decided to take a step back just now. Don’t think I’m quite ready for online dating!

I quite liked two guys I got chatting to, one from POF Mr Sniper, and one from Bumble Mr Lawyer. Mr Lawyer asked me out last night on Thursday but I had plans this weekend. He wouldn’t leave it alone which was really off putting and was basically trying to get me to squeeze meeting him in. I found it so unattractive. When I didn’t respond to his message asking again quickly enough, he sent me another three messages, I said I was sorry but I wouldn’t be meeting him and he responded with “Have you gone off the idea of meeting me then, is someone else getting the privilege?”. This was yesterday, I blocked him at that point but forgot I had given him my Instagram and he messaged me on there today. I read and ignored the message and he messaged again half an hour later. Blocked from there now too!

Mr Sniper is really hot and we got on well so I stupidly gave him my number. He FaceTimed me out of nowhere which I didn’t really like and then sent me a naked photo/dick pic with crude messages and requested one back. I ignored but forgot to block and he tried to FaceTime me again today. Blocked now and I’ve deleted the apps cause I think I’m far too naive for them right now!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow that’s a bit unpleasant rocking up to see you after dealing with horses and being smelly 🙈. That would put me right off someone!

Well. I've done it... i've decided to dip my toes back into OLD.

Am giving Hinge another go as I don't think I gave it another chance previously.

🤞🏻❤️

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow that’s a shame that the date was underwhelming. Have you made plans to see each other again or are you less interested after Saturday?

@Wolfie11
Wasn’t the greatest thing in the world, but didn’t put of my pie & chips 😂😂

@MayEye
I’ve left it with her to contact me as she has more to deal with (child care etc), then myself, but it’s been 24 hours of radio silence, which I realise is nothing, but I suspect that’s that really

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I know what you mean about ‘girlfriend experience’
Try it with mr Filthy and I guess the non Gf experience things ?
Texting , sharing emotions , daily contact
Ah god knows
I can’t do it either

HowlongWillThisTakeNow
Don’t hate my if I’m giggling at her turning up all horse smelling
Do you like her and does she make you smile
I think that’s the key thing to determine

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
I’m a hinge fan
I like the mutual likes , the slower pace and the prompts
Definitely met the nicest ones on hinge

Spent an afternoon with Balkan Baltic
No one can say I’m not getting any
But he doesn’t drink and I really like a drink
We did have an honest chat about different we are though
Which did make me think
I’m an acquired taste as I have no filter
Never have
Might need to develop

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I’m a hinge fan I like the mutual likes , the slower pace and the prompts Definitely met the nicest ones on hinge

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you. That's great to know 🙂 there's definitely more to offer in terms of quality on there. ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think people with no filter are the best. You know exactly where you are with them and there’s no bullshit and fakeness. Dont change! 😄 do love those chats that get you thinking or help you see things from a different angle though. Brain fodder 🙂

ButterflyOfShay
I’ve been thinking how and why I always seem to gravitate to people with some issues
Nothing major I hasten to add
I think it’s because I’m an anxious nervy no filter aspy person and on some level I think I can be myself
I definitely can’t be with some men that’s for sure

Food for thought

I think everyone has a few issues though. Some people are just better at hiding them than others x

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think I'm the same, everyone I meet has issues of some kind. Usually massive mental ones. I just don't know what the answer is.

New thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4504815-Dating-Thread-226-Springing-into-Spring?watched=1