Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Placemarking

Grrrr
Mr Baltic going slow on the replies
Always happens ! He chases me
I shag
I fall for them
Rinse and repeat

And I cancelled another date this weekend
Damm

I don’t regret shagging
I do regret falling for people so easily

@lesgalettes welcome! I like your username!

@ButterflyOfShay

Valentines next Monday!! Anyone expecting any cards/ roses/ diamond rings?? 😍

Haven't had one in about 11years so I am not holding my breath lol

Okay, so I can't believe I am even contemplating this, but here goes...

Would you ever send a secret crush an anonymous Valentine's Day card? I mean would you if you are middle-aged and not say nineteen??

Or would that just be super embarrassing/awkward if/when you bump into her?
Or just plain silly? Or worse....creepy af?
And what would you even say? Something vague and sappy, or something that hints at your identity?

SO many questions about finding oneself crushed out on someone with V Day coming up!

@radfem

Okay, so I can't believe I am even contemplating this, but here goes...

Would you ever send a secret crush an anonymous Valentine's Day card? I mean would you if you are middle-aged and not say nineteen??

Or would that just be super embarrassing/awkward if/when you bump into her?
Or just plain silly? Or worse....creepy af?
And what would you even say? Something vague and sappy, or something that hints at your identity?

SO many questions about finding oneself crushed out on someone with V Day coming up!

I would as long as they are single and wouldn't recognize my handwriting 🙈

@radfem

Okay, so I can't believe I am even contemplating this, but here goes...

Would you ever send a secret crush an anonymous Valentine's Day card? I mean would you if you are middle-aged and not say nineteen??

Or would that just be super embarrassing/awkward if/when you bump into her?
Or just plain silly? Or worse....creepy af?
And what would you even say? Something vague and sappy, or something that hints at your identity?

SO many questions about finding oneself crushed out on someone with V Day coming up!

I would.

I wouldn't say anything in it though, I'd just put a little line of kisses xxxx

While we're on the topic of what we're getting for Valentine's Day, this is what I got - the timing made me laugh

PurpleStripyScarf

Oh lord !!!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Grrrr Mr Baltic going slow on the replies Always happens ! He chases me I shag I fall for them Rinse and repeat

And I cancelled another date this weekend
Damm

This is what worries me about the whole casual thing. That I'd enjoy it and be waiting around for messages. Did you arrange another meet?

Is it possible to rearrange your date for the weekend?

Daydreamscometrue

This weekend meet was a strange one as half doing some gardening and half a date
He also lives other side of London so maybe for the best 😞
That said , lesson learned ! And I would have handled better with hindsight

This always happens ! The minute my vagina gets involved I get attached
I need to retrain her !!!!

The good thing is I’ve already seen the red flags with me and with my emotions , so I’m learning
Slowly

The irony is this happened with my last one
He wanted a 🐈‍⬛ photo
Send it 🐈‍⬛
Went off radar for weeks !

Men !

radfem

Send it ! Life is too short and dull
Do it 😁

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Daydreamscometrue

This weekend meet was a strange one as half doing some gardening and half a date
He also lives other side of London so maybe for the best 😞
That said , lesson learned ! And I would have handled better with hindsight

This always happens ! The minute my vagina gets involved I get attached
I need to retrain her !!!!

The good thing is I’ve already seen the red flags with me and with my emotions , so I’m learning
Slowly

The irony is this happened with my last one
He wanted a 🐈‍⬛ photo
Send it 🐈‍⬛
Went off radar for weeks !

Men !

Yes it's definitely a learning curve I think!

@ButterflyOfShay Thanks for the thread. It was so great to meet you at the weekend.

To everyone else that came - thank you for coming to meet a bunch of strangers off the internet😂

@Eesha Am I allowed to ask if you have had sex with your partner yet? I thought you both showed incredible restraint not to have sex when you met each time.
Plus your post about your outfit made me wonder if this weekend was the one🙈

@Stepcount I'm pleased Mr V has spoken to someone, lets hope the tests are booked in quickly and everything is resolved. Are you not having any sexual intimacy at all? That must be incredibly hard.

@Lovemusic33 unless you have any irons/chats going that you don’t want to lose can’t you delete and reinstall it and find him again?? I would!!

@SortingItOut it was so amazing meeting you too. Wish I lived nearer to meet the eastern gang for your regular coffee @dancer!

That’s anxiety inducing @Thisisworsethananticpated but do you start acting too keen (texting too much or something) once you fall for them so quickly? Why don’t you just pull back and see what happens.. I remember I was kind of seeing this guy and he started acting TOO KEEN and it killed it for me instantly 😟 not trying to make you feel bad x

Morning everyone. @SortingItOut thank you for commenting on things with Mr V. There seems to be a bit of a mental block with him about starting something he can’t finish- in his words. So this leads to limited or no specific sexual intimacy although we do sleep naked together and there’s kissing and cuddling- but nothing that builds to anything more intimate. It is hard and it does upset and frustrate me. We have talked about it many times. I’m trying to be patient and obviously if the situation was reversed I would like to think he would be the same. Aside from this he is a lovely person who has brought lots of positives into my life. I can only assume that my feelings for him are deep because if they weren’t I would most likely have bailed by now. I don’t want to consider a future without sex though so I can only hope and pray that there is a solution out there. I don’t know how he would respond if whatever treatment is offered didn’t work.

ButterflyOfShay

Yes , but let’s be honest he was texting loads before we had sex
Now major slowdown
And I’m not stalking him just having the convo at the same pace as before

I’m not anxious just , wary !

Marking place.

Had a date zero coffee date at the weekend, he was really nice. Both agreed we wanted to see each other again and exchanged numbers.

Have been messaging since, trying to sort out when we can see each other again but proving difficult with our different childcare and work schedules.

So hard trying to see how we'd see each other, which is really annoying.

@SortingItOut hey, yes we did sleep together about a month ago, so that would have been waiting 2 months after chatting/seeing each other constantly. It actually felt right at the time to do it. My outfit was really me looking to knock his socks off and it definitely worked!

Interestingly we are both having busy/stressful times in our lives and I'm feeling my anxiety kicking in and wanting to run away. It's mad really and I need to recognise this pattern. I feel its quite childish on my part.

@Stepcount That must be incredibly frustrating, I was at least thinking you were engaging in foreplay (even if one sided).
Mr V sounds a very nice man and I think giving him a chance to get things resolved is for the best.

@Eesha Is it because a relationship is one extra thing to deal with during times of stress or is it that you don't truly know him yet and how he deals with stress so you're worried he might be like your ex?
Its really good you recognise it but how you deal with it I'm not sure apart from sit on your hands and don't do anything you might regret

@SortingItOut you might be right, its like I expect to be doted on all the time but actually that can't always be the case. For example I worked late last night and early today so now feel like I've got on top of some things so I feel happier. Yesterday I generally felt crestfallen. He was also stressed through his work. I hate when work gets in my way but it does stress me out when I'm behind with things.

@Eesha Both of you being busy/stressed at the same time means you can't support each other as well as you could do if the times of stress/busyness came separately. Did you want some extra support and he couldn't give it and that made you feel unloved?