Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’m a total smitten kitten with mr Balkan
I wrote a list of positives and negatives and the former is longer
But we do need the ‘are you having sex with other women’ conversation
ASAP

Checking in. Sounds like the meet-up was fun!

My XH used to make a massive fuss of Valentines Day but I’m over all that now. A bottle of Prosecco and a quality shag from Mr B will be fine. Some flowers would be nice.

Thanks for new thread Shay

I will be seeing Mr L this weekend so need to think about a card and small gift for valentines - I think he might like that book @VanGoghsDog as we were talking about poetry and I said I loved it and he replied that he’d love to read more of it in that case. I love Brian Bilston on Twitter.

I’m more worried about the following weekend as it’s his 50th birthday and he is having drinks with friends and family (and me!). I have bought him tickets to a comedy gig and booked a hotel for it so I hope that goes down well but it’s not until June so might make a little care package of things he will like too - good idea .

Zero irons here. Shocking date zero so definitely won't be seeing him again. Who announces to their date that they are 'going for a piss!" and proceeds to diss everything about the bar they're in including the smell in the toilets?!

@Bangheadhere40 Mr Farmer is a twat.

So I'm glad I didn't name the iron. But for reference here - he's jacked up coward. (I like that tbh might change his number to that) We talked a bit on Saturday but no real conclusion and well the chemistry and lust took over. We spent a lot of time just cuddling in between the epic bouts of sex.
But after he left I realised I don't know what this is and I didn't like the anxious feeling - so planned to say this to him on Wednesday and just spell out he needs to meet me 'here' or we aren't going forward.

He messaged today to say how wonderful I am and it's taken him by surprise and he just isn't ready for it and he doesn't want to lead me on. He has an amazing amount of attraction to me but the kissing and cuddling being so lovely and relaxed has got his walls up and he doesn't want to be the twat that keeps sleeping with me when he's not ready for more.

I carefully replied that I had figured all that out and very very subtly called him a coward.

Yes I hurt but at least I'd figured it out myself before the text arrived so it didn't sting so badly and at least he had the balls to tell me and not ghost. It's only been a few weeks and thus easier to get over.

So on the positive side I feel like I've learnt a good lesson from Mr HT .... if they can't give me what I want, don't continue to sleep with them. They won't change their mind. Took me 9 months of pain with him to learn that one and I'm still not over him.

Mr jacked up coward will be a distant memory much quicker.

cravingthelook
Yeah
It’s a damm shame
But , but , BUT
Better to know now than months later

God this is hard fucking work isn’t it
So many emotionally avoidant men

@Daydreamscometrue he sounds like a prince among men 😁 bullet dodged and onwards

Hey Shay!

[quote cravingthelook]@Bangheadhere40 Mr Farmer is a twat.

So I'm glad I didn't name the iron. But for reference here - he's jacked up coward. (I like that tbh might change his number to that) We talked a bit on Saturday but no real conclusion and well the chemistry and lust took over. We spent a lot of time just cuddling in between the epic bouts of sex.
But after he left I realised I don't know what this is and I didn't like the anxious feeling - so planned to say this to him on Wednesday and just spell out he needs to meet me 'here' or we aren't going forward.

He messaged today to say how wonderful I am and it's taken him by surprise and he just isn't ready for it and he doesn't want to lead me on. He has an amazing amount of attraction to me but the kissing and cuddling being so lovely and relaxed has got his walls up and he doesn't want to be the twat that keeps sleeping with me when he's not ready for more.

I carefully replied that I had figured all that out and very very subtly called him a coward.

Yes I hurt but at least I'd figured it out myself before the text arrived so it didn't sting so badly and at least he had the balls to tell me and not ghost. It's only been a few weeks and thus easier to get over.

So on the positive side I feel like I've learnt a good lesson from Mr HT .... if they can't give me what I want, don't continue to sleep with them. They won't change their mind. Took me 9 months of pain with him to learn that one and I'm still not over him.

Mr jacked up coward will be a distant memory much quicker. [/quote]
You could be describing MrMind here, though that text hasn't come but I expect it will.

I need better boundaries

I loathe Valentine's day, with or without a BF. Flowers are always nice though, and I think many men like getting them too. Valentine's Day is such a vile concept though that I would prefer flowers on every single other day of the year. I'm a miserable grump much of the time though. Not at the meetup though. Loved the meetup 😊

Sorry about all the 'though's! Note to self - must expand vocabulary...

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Hey Shay!

Hey lovely! 😘 hope you enjoyed the rest of your weekend in the smoke?? 😄

[quote Eesha]@ButterflyOfShay yes, can you believe a year. In hindsight I think I was being faded out under the pretence of him being unwell mentally and I remember posting here that Valentines was going to be the date that if I didn't hear anything, then that was it.[/quote]
@Eesha funny the way things turn out isn’t it. Sometimes things that feel absolutely crap at the time turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to us!! I love a bit of good old fashioned serendipity 😇

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m a total smitten kitten with mr Balkan I wrote a list of positives and negatives and the former is longer But we do need the ‘are you having sex with other women’ conversation ASAP

@Thisisworsethananticpated what are you going to do if he is?? x

ButterflyOfShay
I’ll walk away , as I like him
Cry for a bit and wail
Get back on it again in a few weeks
Complain on here !!!!

Thank you for the new thread Shay. Really good to hear that you had a great time at the thread meet up. I’m sorry that I missed it. Hopefully next time. I went instead on a pre comedy gig drinking session with my bestie and then laughed even more loudly for 2 hours at the show.
All fine with Mr V and me, still trundling along , still bending his ear about needing things to move on and generally get out and about more together, create more memories that are ours and not always sharing with each other anecdotes about things we’ve done with other people. He’s finally had a phone consultation with a Dr from the hospital and is due further tests to rule out anything sinister ( or just medical ) that may be affecting his libido and ED. We do get on so well and he brings a lot of laughter into my life- his dance around the bedroom to ‘ Macho Man’ by the Village people on Saturday night was a particular highlight. I’m not sure how I will feel if his ED can’t be sorted. It seems to be quite a psychological barrier to other forms of sexual intimacy too. Let’s hope that the hospital gives him the all clear from anything serious and whatever they offer as treatment he accepts and responds to.

Ok, I’m checking in. Longtime lurker and this is the thread where I’ll get the courage to start dating…

Tough thing is, it's really got me questioning my relationship with miss jam.
Today she said that his words were really healthy and him being honest with me was brave.

I wanted to scream at her, no being brave would have not to have been intimate with me 3 times at all - knowing fine well I made it clear from day one that although I'm non monogamous I don't want casual hookups.

I don't really want to see her or anyone right now.

@Stepcount that’s a great idea.. maybe the next MNMU could involve a comedy club.. we were giggling enough without any comedians though 😄

@cravingthelook sorry to hear your seemingly decent one fizzled 😔 though you’re sounding stoic about it. x

Hi legs and welcome, I'd say don't worry it's a fantastic experience but I'd be lying 😊

I'm just wondering if I'm an absolutely crap judge of character, I must be! 🤔

Had a quick swipe today but nothing exciting in the pond.

I'd love to go to a comedy club shay really want to attend the next meet.

I don’t know why I get so excited about Valentines Day. I never have any irons, flowers, cards or surprises.. but there is always a little feeling of excitement for the day just in case of any secret admirers 🤣🤣

@Bangheadhere40

I'd love to go to a comedy club shay really want to attend the next meet.

It would be good wouldn’t it @Bangheadhere40? I’ll make a note of this idea, and will bring it up later on in the year, like summertime 🙂💗

Oh yeah it would be fab, we could probably run a comedy club anyway with our stories 🤣🤣

May ish time would be good, light nights, a cold vino and some laughs.

I’m expecting nothing for valentines (again).

Just a quick question…. Would date a friend of someone you had dated or been FWB with?

Whilst I was with FWB a year or so ago I met one of his friends, I was instantly attracted to him, mainly because of his sexy Scottish accent, at the time he has a GF and I think he assumed I was with FWB. Anyway I just saw his profile on bumble, I panicked and swiped left (thinks FWB wouldn’t be happy if I dated his mate) but now I’m regretting it.