Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

SortingItOut

Well I don’t have animals so that’s makes life easier
I’ve put sex into self care so it’s bumped up my list a bit 😂

I have teen babysitter but def no overnights for me anyway

@SortingItOut
Thanks for the response,
I have no issue with her kid ( she doesn’t want us to meet yet, fair does, her choice),
But the plans ( she arranged), are changing, and I’m having to fit around.

I had the same with someone else last year, she kept changing our plans at the last minute, really pissed me off tbh, just felt I was getting breadcrumbs of time / affection/ effort.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

To be fair you can’t really have a sex date if her DD is there
This is part and parcel of later life dating

She’s been consistent thus far so as disappointed bad you are it could be one of those things

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I know it can get you down, and the dating experience is quite different for men vs women (something I learned from my last stint on here)

I’m wondering how it will be now I’m pushing 50 rather than pushing 40

@Thisisworsethananticpated Sex is important but self care doesn't always have to involve a partner....

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think the first time it happens you can say it was just unfortunate but if it happens again then you might label it.
The issue is with children, no matter their age there can often be problems, whether that's illness or then having plans but them changing.
If you can't handle someone putting their kids first don't date people with kids as things may change at short notice.

I took so long typing my comments have already been covered. 🤦🏻‍♀️
I would like to be thought of as a priority for someone I was dating. I don’t think it’s necessarily a self esteem issue to want to spend time with someone and that you both make an effort to accommodate each other’s needs. I think we all understand the rule that children ( family) come first but the order of priority in the rest of my life switches around constantly.

SortingItOut
You’re right
I’m not sure that my self care sex hobby is the healthiest
In fact it’s probably not
But right now it’s working and when it doesn’t ..

I’ve just gone a bit like a starving woman at a buffet

@Stepcount
Yes, miss Horse’s daughter was supposed to be elsewhere tonight but will now be at (miss H’s home.

I don’t think miss H has told her daughter about me ( fair do’s), so doesn’t want me about (maybe why she doesn’t want to meet somewhere this evening)

But apparently for, tomorrow she (miss H ) always does horse things on a sat afternoon so meeting up with me is probably okay as miss H’s daughter expects her to be out anyway

[quote BillMasen]@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I know it can get you down, and the dating experience is quite different for men vs women (something I learned from my last stint on here)

I’m wondering how it will be now I’m pushing 50 rather than pushing 40[/quote]
No comment, and don’t mention your age. (Joking before I’m berated, )

@Stepcount Apologies if I offended you, my post was aimed at @HowlongWillThisTakeNow who gave the impression he wanted to be No.1 priority.
Obviously if you're in a relationship you want to see and spend time with someone but asking for that doesn't mean you'll be no 1 in their life and is a normal request.

My comment about self esteem was about wanting/needing to be no.1 and I doubt anyone can promise that if they have a job/work/children/family etc

@SortingItOut, no, I didn’t take offence at all. It didn’t hit a nerve with me. I was just saying that for some of us, looking for and finding a romantic partner is important and their role in my life would be one of my priorities. I wouldn’t want to come several steps down the list of what was important to them. This is how I feel at 2yrs + with Mr V. If I was back at square one then I wouldn’t give a brand new prospective date the same status.

… meant to add - although I do feel if you want something to grow then you have to nurture it and that requires your time and attention.

I agree with you @Stepcount, a loving relationship means you will prioritise each other as best you can while taking all the other variables into account. But I wouldn’t want to be way down a long list every time. For example I swapped my weekend with my ex so I could spend Mr L’s birthday with him. That might be seen as prioritising a man over my kids but I see it as us making time for each other when it is important and my kids were fine with their dad.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I didn’t tell my kids I was dating for a long time as I wasn’t sure where it was going. Even now after several months with someone I see as long term prospect I keep it very separate, so I would say that’s what’s happening with Ms Horse right now as it’s early days for you both. Hopefully you get to meet tomorrow though

placemarking again!

It's interesting to see everyone's take on priorities. Maybe it's less about the actual priority and more about how it makes you feel? Kids should always be everyone's top priority - I wouldn't respect a parent who didn't put their children first - but maybe it's about proportionality and communication? If you genuinely want to nurture a relationship, you will hopefully be able to find a way to ensure your children feel important even if you're doing things/spending time without them. And likewise, with good communication and planning you can hopefully find a way to make your partner feel important even if you're doing things/spending time without them. Through honest communication that will make the reasons behind your choices clear.

Not that I'll ever get the opportunity to put these thoughts into practice. Promising Bumble chat has ended with a nice message from him saying he's got stuff going on and is not going to be able to carry on chatting - which I appreciate. Other chat fizzled after a few messages. No further matches. Hey ho. I didn't have very high hopes, but thought I might at least have got a date zero. I will probably persevere with the apps, just because I need more than one hand to count friends who are in happy relationships from old, so I know it can happen.

Good luck to all - any weekend dates coming up?

@WeWantTheFinestWines, I think you have put it really well re: relationship v family etc.
Sorry to hear that new potential irons are a bit thin on the ground. I can’t remember the name you gave him but what happened with the local iron who I think came to visit you whilst you were away house sitting ? I know it was a while back, I just get invested in people’s stories. I still miss updates from some who were very regular posters and then all of a sudden they are gone…

Have no proper irons on the go since mr twaty but chatting/sexting with a hippy who could be fun for a while

Wow stepcount I'm impressed with your memory! He was Mr Favourite Place who was lovely and really into me and I really wanted to fall for him but I just felt no chemistry so I told him because I felt I should be honest. I have since wondered if I was too quick to write it off, but I didn't even fancy him after we dtd so I don't think it would ever have happened. Sad, really...

Stepcount just did a quick scroll to remind myself of your situation and all your posts are you offering advice and support to others! Instead of banging on about yourself as I tend to do. What a lovely person you clearly are 💐

That’s a lovely thing to say @WeWantTheFinestWines. I do try to offer support but I have also been known to have my own relationship woes/challenges! I’m 2+ yrs into seeing my iron Mr V. Mostly good personal connection but our biggest by far challenge has been his ED and a waaaayy overlong wait for tests. We’re at the point now of him being prescribed something to help… so fingers crossed 🙏🏻😉

Hi! Room for another? Single a few years and just about to start on the apps. But also kind of can’t be bothered. I can’t see me going on tons of dates but I am open to the idea.

Any tips for a newbie?

Oh that's you! Really missing physical intimacy and hoping things will change after it's been investigated. You've been very patient, but you could argue that sex is what makes a relationship different from a friendship - and you're obviously wanting more than friendship with Mr V. I hope things change and that you're able to add hot - or at least warm - sex to what you already have 🤞

WeWantTheFinestWines
You did right , it’s a damm shame but chemistry is important

Stepcount
May I ask are you able to pleasure each other (well mainly you !) despite the ED
Sorry that’s a bit of a Person question

ihavetogoshoppingnow
A sexting hippy! , get back in that horse baby