Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Argh his man! So I’ve woken up to a message from him (I messaged yesterday to basically be like wtf is going on which I know I shouldn’t but I was just exasperated about the whole thing) saying he hasn’t ghosted, he knows it looks bad but he thought he’d replied and then I disappeared from his chats like I’d deleted him and he thought I’d gone 🙄 I’ve messaged him back calling him out on things that don’t add up but arghhh

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I need some advice

I need to gently let down nice but don’t fancy him iron
He’s lovely and kind

But I don’t want him to lose time and energy in me as I simple don’t want to get physical
I kissed him to test it and it’s not there 😑

How ?

Be honest, tell him he’s a lovely person but you don’t feel any chemistry. I think it’s always best to be honest as I hate it when men are not honest with me or they just vanish leaving me wondering if I had done something wrong.

@Thisisworsethananticpated its always hard isn't it, be honest. I know it is hard though.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I need some advice

I need to gently let down nice but don’t fancy him iron
He’s lovely and kind

But I don’t want him to lose time and energy in me as I simple don’t want to get physical
I kissed him to test it and it’s not there 😑

How ?

Just be honest, tell him the truth

@ihavetogoshoppingnow I think hes lying....

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

Argh his man! So I’ve woken up to a message from him (I messaged yesterday to basically be like wtf is going on which I know I shouldn’t but I was just exasperated about the whole thing) saying he hasn’t ghosted, he knows it looks bad but he thought he’d replied and then I disappeared from his chats like I’d deleted him and he thought I’d gone 🙄 I’ve messaged him back calling him out on things that don’t add up but arghhh

@ihavetogoshoppingnow I smell a rat here. I would end things with him quite frankly. It sounds like he wouldn't know the truth even if it came up and hit him in the face.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow, not to over simplify things but if he was interested he wouldn't be as patchy in his contact. I know he's got under your skin but his actions aren't adding up, far from it.
If you are unable to shake off the need to know whether all this has been genuine then I suggest you ask for a time when you can have a phone conversation and see what he says.

He’s definitely lying it doesn’t add up at all with me sending my number on friday he’s not read my message calling him out and I’m just over it now, if he’d had sent that message yesterday then maybe I would’ve given him a chance but after being online all day and not bothering to message till 1am this morning and not replying today he’s clearly not worth it and it’s not upsetting me anymore so I’ve clearly turned the corner at least

Stepcount

Yeah boundaries , if this man isn’t prepared to give you eye contact and an honest conversation
Then he doesn’t deserve shit or your time
I know he’s
under your skin but I don’t think he deserves a manky toenail to be honest

I’ve drafted a message to send nice young iron
I’ve not said ‘no chemistry’ as feels bit brutal

but I’ve said I’m not in space for sexual intimacy which is what he naturally wants , and don’t want to waste his time
I don’t want to dent his self esteem , or waste his energy

@feeling17again, there's nothing wrong with what you are feeling, you've had sex with a new guy and the endorphins have kicked in I imagine. Are you looking for a relationship potentially or just to enjoy whatever happens with someone and see where you end up ? If you haven't already messaged then I would probably leave it until this evening or tomorrow sometime, give him more chance to get in touch. if you do message before he does keep it light and just a check in, see what response you get.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow, good to read that you are feeling less inclined to believe or indulge his excuses. I would genuinely be very surprised if there was any truth in anything he's said so for me it would be a block and delete. Free up that space occupied in your head.

Thanks @SortingItOut and @Thisisworsethananticpated 💗💗💗

Newsflash… im just on my lunchbreak been to my usual hangout to get my beloved daily coffee.. turn round to wait for it and who is standing directly behind me but MrTurk 😍😍 I got so excited i started rabbiting to my friend behind the till…. Oooh it was a happy moment 😂😂 (still didn't say hi though im such a weed)

[quote Stepcount]@feeling17again, there's nothing wrong with what you are feeling, you've had sex with a new guy and the endorphins have kicked in I imagine. Are you looking for a relationship potentially or just to enjoy whatever happens with someone and see where you end up ? If you haven't already messaged then I would probably leave it until this evening or tomorrow sometime, give him more chance to get in touch. if you do message before he does keep it light and just a check in, see what response you get.[/quote]
I'm not sure - I was dipping my toe into the dating scene to see what happened, I didn't expect to meet someone that I actually really like so soon.

I'm feeling a bit less crazy now. It is actually sort of a nice feeling... even if it doesn't go anywhere is nice to know that a kind, attractive man finds me a bit interesting, and that I'm still capable of getting the gallops.

@feeling17again I think it’s a normal way to feel especially post sex, I don’t like playing the should I text game and try to just go with how I’m feeling and not worry about how it’ll be perceived. But then my track record isn’t great 😅

And yeah I might be too open and try and see the best in people and believe them but once I’ve hit a point I can just as easily cut them off and turn those feelings off, just takes me a while and a good cry to get there

feeling17again

If this is the first fellow you have met tread with caution
This is nothing about him or his merits

But it’s a well known thing that the first relationship we have after a split can turn our heads a bit
Happened to me and to many others in this board

So if this makes you go a bit crazy
It’s kind of normal !!!

ButterflyOfShay
This is getting more frequent
Did you smile at him ? Does he smile at you
Where does he work ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated it does feel that way this week but I dont know if it’s just coincidence? Yesterday he crossed the road RIGHT in front of ne. Today he’s a foot behind me in the coffee shop which has never happened before. I actually love seeing him it really perks me up 😊😊 i don't even know why!!! 😁 I really fancy the bejeezus out of this guy 😂😂

Hey @ButterflyOfShay I can feel the electricity from here!!Absolutely,he's now timing his treck down the high street to coincide with yours.Needs eye contact now and a "hi"

Hey @Caramelblonde 💛 sometimes fantasy is so much better than real life though isnt it!! 😂😂 if you start talking then usually it goes pears 😂😂😂
#cynical

@ButterflyOfShay having an in person crush is so exciting!

Defo @ihavetogoshoppingnow! Just kind of brightens the day doesn’t it 🤩

So I've met up with MrMind.
We had a long chat about everything, and I think we are on the same page with feelings for each other.
He says he had felt overwhelmed and panicked and when he found that I was going on a date, it made him realise that he couldn't sit back and lose what we had.
I do believe him. I also understand that he has a lot to work through, much more than I could ever understand.

We both have feelings, both want to spend time together both intimately and 'normally' and neither of us are interested in anyone else. So that's where we are at. Not fwb's because we have feelings and both want more, and not 'together' in terms of putting a label on it. So we are just going to live in the moment for now rather than overthinking the future.

I'm not sure it's going to be the smoothest of rides, but when you click with someone and they make you smile and you can't think of anyone else, I think it's worth pursuing. I'd regret walking away right now anyway.

@ButterflyOfShay Love a bit of fantasy

That’s really lovely @30somethingandstillsingle 💗💗