Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

So mr sparky seems to have definitely ghosted and even if he does come back I’m done, he’s been online today with no message not read my last one sending my number on friday. I’m just so bloody confused about the whole thing and why he wouldn’t just ghost off the bat and not come back over several days with the odd message, why he even ghosted in the first place, why arrange a 2nd date and be eager it was him that brought it up etc, if the phone being lost was true or not. I feel so shit I don’t know why someone who I chatted too for a week and met for an hour has gotten under my skin SO MUCH especially after years of doing this but it’s really upset me 🤦🏼‍♀️

@ihavetogoshoppingnow maybe he’s in a messy situation and someone isn’t quite out if his life at the minute. So he’s messed you about. for you… hope you can draw a line under it and let it go x

ihavetogoshoppingnow

I got totally into someone online that I never ever met
For 6 months too
So I hear ya !
I cried when we eventually ended it
And I never met the fucker

Draw a line under him , as butterfly said he’s probably got ishoos or more like someone else

When you get this into someone it’s worth thinking what are your unmet needs that they met ?
What did he spark (sorry !) that made you like him so much ? The only benefit from these horrible little heartbreaks is learning

Hang tight x

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow ❤️❤️❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated he just seemed to (hypothetically) tick all my boxes, we just clicked you know and he gave me some hope in old and decent people and then turned out to not be at all

Thanks, I thought as much, but didn’t want to seem to presume, especially after some of the comments I’ve seen on this thread.
Will have to make sure I’ve trimmed both beards and had my spinach…

@ihavetogoshoppingnow this has happened to me before and it's awful. Remember that it's nothing to do with you. You'll find someone lovely ❤️

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Not from me I hope

I was thinking about what was said on here today and how to navigate it all, and just thought maybe actually for the first 3 mths is better to just assume they will show the incompatibility (or arse behaviour) just to enjoy lightheartedly what is happening and keep a distance to it 🤷‍♀️ I dont really know if thats is actually a good idea just thought to share it

ihavetogoshoppingnow

Ah I’m sorry
It’s shitty
And he’s been making you feel shit for longer than he made you feel good

I just don’t think I’ll ever get used to how people can treat other people, I know they’re strangers and don’t owe you anything but it’s just something I don’t get. I feel like an idiot crying over someone who’s clearly not worth it, or hasn’t given me a 2nd thought in the last 10 days he’s essentially ignored me for longer than we spoke but it’s the what if he wasn’t a twat that gets me. I’m so bad for putting all my eggs in one basket and getting attached to easily but it’s just who I am, also means I cry like an idiot everytime something goes wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️

I find her talk helpful sometimes- in this video she is talking how to stop re-thinking situation looking for answers

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

I just don’t think I’ll ever get used to how people can treat other people, I know they’re strangers and don’t owe you anything but it’s just something I don’t get. I feel like an idiot crying over someone who’s clearly not worth it, or hasn’t given me a 2nd thought in the last 10 days he’s essentially ignored me for longer than we spoke but it’s the what if he wasn’t a twat that gets me. I’m so bad for putting all my eggs in one basket and getting attached to easily but it’s just who I am, also means I cry like an idiot everytime something goes wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️

I know how you feel as I do exactly the same. I get so excited that it's going to be something and then they ghost and flake. Most of the time for me it's before we even met. I'm not sure how I'd cope if I met someone once or more and then they disappeared.

Sending you hugs!

I think it’s actually worse when you hardly know them as you build them up in your head to be someone amazing… in reality though he was probably just another dickhead, he’s not acted nicely towards you so hold that though @ihavetogoshoppingnow wallow for a day or two then use it to make you stronger as you are worth a damned sight more than this. He’s a flake and a wimp you wouldn’t bother with someone like that normally would you? You will be absolutely fine and come back better from this little experience X

I do think you should just block him now though, dont ever let him back in, he had his chance and he blew it so fuck it off for good now

It’s probably not him who’s upset you per se it’s a general build up of bullshit from the apps and that was just the cherry on top. Pamper yourself today - you’re a queen! 💗💗💗

On a separate and completely unrelated matter (sorry), my cat has had a nasty ear infection since friday which came out of nowhere. Got her to the vets on saturday and been treating the ear with canaural and her eye which was also affected with isathal since then. She is better, but not herself 😞 does anyone have pets and had this before and how long does it take to get better? I don’t feel good when she’s not feeling good 💔💔😭 meant to be in london all day tomorrow and thursday and feeling anxious about leaving her.

Hope you guys don't mind me muscling in on your thread with a massive rambling post - I've just started dating for the first time and feeling pretty confused about a new guy.

To give the brief history - we had sex on the first date (instigated by me, oops) after spending about 10 hours together chatting in the pub. Since then, we've had a couple more dates 1x per week (just getting dinner) without any more that a little kiss. Then over the weekend we went out again for a long date, had sex again, and he stayed at mine till late afternoon. Texted afterwards saying had lots of fun, looked forward to seeing me again, followed by bit of mundane chit chat for the rest of the day.

He seems like a lovely guy - straightforward, affectionate, considerate, asking about my family and friends, politics, job etc. and remembering details from previous conversations. Very complimentary too

He's not texted me in a day and a half since the last time we met and I'm worried that he's not actually interested in me after reading dating advice endlessly since my stupid feelings went all crazy on me. The pattern is that he never ignores texts, but takes a while to reinstigate once a convo draws to a close. This also happened the last times we met, where he didn't text for 2-3 days then got in touch the night before the date to see if I was still OK to meet.

His job is extremely busy, usually 12+ hours a day, and genuinely busier at the moment due to what's going on in the world. Also not British, if that makes any difference.

I wanted to be chilled and take things slowly, but I feel like a teenager again. Am I doing the right thing by just waiting for him to get in touch?

@ButterflyOfShay Sending 💞 to your cat.
Being a former cat owner I'd say at least 7 days since antibiotics started until she feels herself.
I know its hard to leave them but she will be fine recuperating while you're in London, have you got someone to go in to give meds?

I worry more about my pets being ill than my kids so totally get how you feel.

@feeling17again Have you actually got anything you want to say to him or do you just want general chit chat?
If the former just message him, we're all too grown up for games.
If the latter I'd message when I think he's not at work as wouldn't want to disturb him.

His messaging sounds consistent and that he only messages when he has something to say plus it sounds like he has a very busy job so can't message constantly.

Also the overthinking on this is huge, do you have a job, hobbies, friends etc. A man should enhance your life and not be your life.

[quote SortingItOut]@feeling17again Have you actually got anything you want to say to him or do you just want general chit chat?
If the former just message him, we're all too grown up for games.
If the latter I'd message when I think he's not at work as wouldn't want to disturb him.

His messaging sounds consistent and that he only messages when he has something to say plus it sounds like he has a very busy job so can't message constantly.

Also the overthinking on this is huge, do you have a job, hobbies, friends etc. A man should enhance your life and not be your life.[/quote]
Thanks for the sense check. I really just want to see if he's OK (so nothing much to say) - I'm not pestering him don't worry, I've been careful to match how much he contacts me.

I've got a decent job and am out most evenings with friends, so am really frustrated with myself for feeling like this - I was single for a couple of years and totally happy without a man!

ButterflyOfShay
This may sound mad but you could find a cat loving trustworthy teen to cat sit and check on her when you are our of the house
I’ve got one for my kids xx
Via local Facebook x

feeling17again

Oh man . We all know that feeling

I’ve got bruises down my legs from kicking myself for going loopy on this topic
And totally psycho

My bet is he will text
And to breatheeeeeeeee

ihavetogoshoppingnow

When I get like you I post here
Watch self help videos
And practice immense self care

Your not an idiot
It’s ok to feel hurt

But he isn’t a good man and the sooner you realise that the better ❤️

I need some advice

I need to gently let down nice but don’t fancy him iron
He’s lovely and kind

But I don’t want him to lose time and energy in me as I simple don’t want to get physical
I kissed him to test it and it’s not there 😑

How ?