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Original poster

Don’t want my kids to meet my ex’s partner

422 replies

Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:19

My ex and I split 15 months ago, we have 2 young kids together (under 5) the split was mutual, but he moved on pretty quickly after our split.

He now wants his new partner to meet our kids (they have been seeing each other for almost a year. I do not want her to meet the kids, I think it’s too soon, he disagrees and says it will be happening regardless of what I say. He says I’m trying to be controlling

What can I do here? I don’t want them meeting her. Can I stop it from happening? What can I do if he introduces her without my consent?

OP posts:
fabulouslyglamorousferret · 29/01/2022 18:20

I think if he's been seeing her a year, you need to just let him get on with it. I'm sorry it's stressing you though.

Doidontimmm · 29/01/2022 18:21

Sorry there is nothing at all you can do, he is entitled to introduce them to anyone he wishes as are you.

girlmom21 · 29/01/2022 18:22

You are being controlling. How long are you expecting him to wait?

Thesheerrelief · 29/01/2022 18:22

You can't do anything except express your opinion I'm afraid. You could maybe say that a lot of relationships seem to break up around the 18-month mark so it might be wise to defer any meeting until after that point, but you've no say over whether he goes ahead or not. Just like he has no say over who you might introduce your children to.

Aimee1987 · 29/01/2022 18:22

After a year this is not a fling. You dont really have the right to stop him introducing her.
It sounds like hes been respectfull waiting the year.

Moonface88 · 29/01/2022 18:23

A year is fine. It's not your decision to make.

Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:23

So even if I’ve expressed that I don’t want it to happen, as primary carer, and he goes ahead and does it, there’s nothing I can do? I suggested mediation to discuss it and he said no. Should I contact a solicitor?

OP posts:
Thesheerrelief · 29/01/2022 18:24

You have no extra legal authority as primary carer over who he introduces them to.

Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:24

I guess I’m worried about what my eldest will think or feel

OP posts:
layladomino · 29/01/2022 18:24

He could have introduced them after a month and unfortunately there's nothing you could have done to stop him. Of course that would have been a stupid thing to do, but he seems to have been sensible by waiting a year. It's clearly a serious relationship.

I think you'd feel the same if you were in his shoes.

JessesMum777888 · 29/01/2022 18:25

Why don’t you want them too met her ? It’s not only a couple of months and if their dad is going to be with her what’s the problem ?
I’m not having a dig at all ..
I’m a step mum , and a mum of kids with a step mum x

LeifSan · 29/01/2022 18:25

Sorry but a year is plenty long enough to wait. He’s been responsible to date this new woman for a year before thinking of introducing his kids to her.

mugoftea456 · 29/01/2022 18:25

@Mumshine101

So even if I’ve expressed that I don’t want it to happen, as primary carer, and he goes ahead and does it, there’s nothing I can do? I suggested mediation to discuss it and he said no. Should I contact a solicitor?
No don't waste your money on a solicitor.

Unless you have safeguarding concerns about the partner, you are being controlling and ridiculous.

They have been together a year.

nellly · 29/01/2022 18:25

A solicitor will just charge you money to tell you there's nothing you can do stop it

anon12345678901 · 29/01/2022 18:26

You have no legal action that you can take for this as there aren't safeguarding issues. He is entitled to introduce his children to his partner, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. It's been a year, it's not a fling. You just sound controlling.

Cardboardf0x · 29/01/2022 18:26

There's is literally nothing you can do. You cannot dictate what he does in his contact time. Please also don't use this as a reason to stop contact also as it is hugely irresponsible and does not prioritise the needs of your children.

Thesheerrelief · 29/01/2022 18:26

@Mumshine101

I guess I’m worried about what my eldest will think or feel
You can play it cool and if your eldest mentions her don't make a big deal about it eg: "It's nice you got to meet Daddy's friend. Now, shall we do x or y today?"
MooSakah · 29/01/2022 18:27

It's been a year. You trusted him to do the right thing when you chose to have kids with him. Trust him now.

Santahasjoinedww · 29/01/2022 18:27

None of your business.. As any solicitor would tell you.

About10thusername · 29/01/2022 18:28

I think this is more to do with your jealousy than what's best for the children.
While I understand it must be tough, you can't stop them from meeting and you need to focus now on your own life.
There isn't anything a solicitor can do to stop them meeting. He is their dad - he has the right to see them. And that includes them meeting his new partner

MooSakah · 29/01/2022 18:28

@Mumshine101

So even if I’ve expressed that I don’t want it to happen, as primary carer, and he goes ahead and does it, there’s nothing I can do? I suggested mediation to discuss it and he said no. Should I contact a solicitor?
Primary carer doesn't give you a right over what he does on his time. You sound incredibly controlling. He's moved on its in your best interests to try and not cause drama about it for the kids sake
Cardboardf0x · 29/01/2022 18:29

I would understand your anxiety if it was 6 weeks in, but a year in is a respectable amount of time. Do you feel threatened that the kids may like her and she takes on a step mother role? I would perhaps maybe ask to meet her first if it's causing you huge anxiety, but they aren't obligated to accept. You can't control what your ex does. You will always be your kids mother, there's no reason to feel threatened.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 29/01/2022 18:29

I’m not sure getting solicitors involved will a) make a difference or b) create a long term positive co parenting relationship.

Is creating animosity here going to better for your children. They’ll be ok with it if you are.

LetsGoParty · 29/01/2022 18:33

@Mumshine101

I guess I’m worried about what my eldest will think or feel
This will largely be dependant on you. If you are positive about it then chances are your kids will be too. If you are negative then your kids will pick up on it. You don't want to sabotage the meeting.

Isn't it better for your kids to get on well with your ex's partner. If they have been dating a year then it's natural for them to want to spend time together.

It's amazing that your ex has respected your wishes so far.

Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:33

I get the feeling they are going to move in together and this is why this is happening now, I’m just not okay with that. I think my kids should have their dad to themselves for a bit longer than introducing someone new

OP posts:
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