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Original poster

Don’t want my kids to meet my ex’s partner

422 replies

Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:19

My ex and I split 15 months ago, we have 2 young kids together (under 5) the split was mutual, but he moved on pretty quickly after our split.

He now wants his new partner to meet our kids (they have been seeing each other for almost a year. I do not want her to meet the kids, I think it’s too soon, he disagrees and says it will be happening regardless of what I say. He says I’m trying to be controlling

What can I do here? I don’t want them meeting her. Can I stop it from happening? What can I do if he introduces her without my consent?

OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 29/01/2022 18:33

You may be primary carer but he is 50% their parent...

girlmom21 · 29/01/2022 18:33

@Mumshine101

I get the feeling they are going to move in together and this is why this is happening now, I’m just not okay with that. I think my kids should have their dad to themselves for a bit longer than introducing someone new
That's not your choice
Cardboardf0x · 29/01/2022 18:34

You sound very controlling.

JessesMum777888 · 29/01/2022 18:34

And if this is the case feel free to chat to me, my step daughters are my best little friends. I would never overstep the mum mark they have a mum BUT when their with me they are treated the same as my own children in the way they are loved. Honestly don’t stress us step mums aren’t all wicked :) x

Cardboardf0x · 29/01/2022 18:34

Do you have a partner?

DaffodilDandilion · 29/01/2022 18:34

I’m not saying I disagree with the sentiment but I’m surprised at the stark contrast in these relies to what one would expect if it were a mother introducing her new boyfriend

Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:35

We don’t have a contact order in place, we have worked it out ourselves to this point. If he doesn’t respect my wishes, would it go against him if he went for contact order?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:36

@Cardboardf0x

Do you have a partner?
No, not at the moment
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/01/2022 18:36

@DaffodilDandilion

I’m not saying I disagree with the sentiment but I’m surprised at the stark contrast in these relies to what one would expect if it were a mother introducing her new boyfriend
Most replies would say a year is a good amount of time and all of them would say her ex had no right to dictate to her.
anon12345678901 · 29/01/2022 18:37

@Mumshine101

We don’t have a contact order in place, we have worked it out ourselves to this point. If he doesn’t respect my wishes, would it go against him if he went for contact order?
No. It is more likely to go against you, showing your controlling behaviour.
SprayedWithDettol · 29/01/2022 18:37

You are being totally ridiculous and don’t have a leg to stand on.

TheBareTree · 29/01/2022 18:37

OP you’re not listening. You can’t control this and you can’t stop him introducing his partner. They’ve been together nearly a year, she’s not a fling.

IncompleteSenten · 29/01/2022 18:37

He's their parent every bit as much as you are. He has the right to make that decision.

How the children react will be down to how you and he do this

If you act like it's a terrible thing then that will affect your children.

The two of you should agree how to handle it so that it's as easy as possible for the children.

Perhaps get some advice on how to introduce a new partner from an experienced organisation

girlmom21 · 29/01/2022 18:38

@Mumshine101

We don’t have a contact order in place, we have worked it out ourselves to this point. If he doesn’t respect my wishes, would it go against him if he went for contact order?
No. There's literally no legal issue. The court would give him the contact he has, or maybe more depending on what he requested if he's dependable and reliable where the kids are concerned
MooSakah · 29/01/2022 18:38

@Mumshine101

I get the feeling they are going to move in together and this is why this is happening now, I’m just not okay with that. I think my kids should have their dad to themselves for a bit longer than introducing someone new
They might do. They might wait a bit. Who knows. Absolutely none of your business though. They didn’t have dad to themselves when you were both together. You need to deal with it or it will upset your kids.
Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:39

@JessesMum777888

And if this is the case feel free to chat to me, my step daughters are my best little friends. I would never overstep the mum mark they have a mum BUT when their with me they are treated the same as my own children in the way they are loved. Honestly don’t stress us step mums aren’t all wicked :) x
I don’t think she will be wicked, from what I’ve heard of her she seems nice and could be a positive influence in time, I just don’t think now is the right time.
OP posts:
MooSakah · 29/01/2022 18:40

@Mumshine101

We don’t have a contact order in place, we have worked it out ourselves to this point. If he doesn’t respect my wishes, would it go against him if he went for contact order?
Nope. It might even go against you if you start being controlling and weird about his new partner. You said if was a mutual break up but I'm wondering if you're wishing you were still with him
Original poster
Mumshine101 · 29/01/2022 18:41

@IncompleteSenten

He's their parent every bit as much as you are. He has the right to make that decision.

How the children react will be down to how you and he do this

If you act like it's a terrible thing then that will affect your children.

The two of you should agree how to handle it so that it's as easy as possible for the children.

Perhaps get some advice on how to introduce a new partner from an experienced organisation

We can’t discuss how it will happen because I don’t agree it should happen. He says it will be kept casual at a park or a soft play place and the kids can come and go etc in theory this sounds fine but I just don’t want or think it should be happening at all right now, down the line yes, not right now
OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 29/01/2022 18:42

You really need to pick your battles. Part of separated parenting means having to relinquish control over aspects of your children's lives. It's not easy but you need to just accept it. Why upset things and get the courts involved when you've been managing between yourselves so far?

SpinsForGin · 29/01/2022 18:42

There really is nothing you can do about it.

MooSakah · 29/01/2022 18:43

He didn't even have to tell you

mbosnz · 29/01/2022 18:43

As co-parents, neither of you have the ability to dictate if or when your ex-partner introduces their children (as well as yours) to their new partner. You can tell your ex-partner your opinion and why, but ultimately that's his choice, just as when you have a new partner, he can have his opinion, and tell you it, and why, but it remains your choice as to when to introduce your new partner to your children (and his children as well as yours).

It would be good as co-parents if you could discuss how to ensure this goes as smoothly and positively as possible for the children.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2022 18:43

You can’t stop him introducing them to anyone. He can’t stop you introducing them to anyone.

Do you want him back?

He’ll do it anyway so you’re only hurting yourself by stressing. And if you’re even thinking of fucking around with contact to punish him for moving on then you’ll be hurting your children and the man you chose as their father. Don’t be that arsehole.

DiddyHeck · 29/01/2022 18:44

I do not want her to meet the kids, I think it’s too soon, he disagrees and says it will be happening regardless of what I say. He says I’m trying to be controlling

I 100% agree with him. It's not up to you when your kids meet her and after a year there's no reason why they shouldn't anyway.

Just let it go OP. And if your kids start to like her please don't try to control their relationship with her. Too many kids wind up as badly fucked up teenagers after being caught in the middle of their parent's divorce.

Winterjoy · 29/01/2022 18:44

@Mumshine101

We don’t have a contact order in place, we have worked it out ourselves to this point. If he doesn’t respect my wishes, would it go against him if he went for contact order?
Of course not! It may even reflect poorly on you as your behaviour around this appears to be very controlling. Both you and your ex get to use your time with the children as you wish, including introducing them to whomever you choose without the opinion/input of each other (as long as there are no safeguarding issues).

As pp have said, the best thing you can do for your children in this situation is avoid drama/conflict. If they know you are unhappy about the situation, they are likely to feel torn between their parents which could cause more emotional damage over the long-term than meeting their dad's partner.

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