Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hi

I've done this in Chat, rather than Relationships. Anyone know how to move it?

@WeWantTheFinestWines I think you need to report it and ask MN to move it

[quote MayEye]@WeWantTheFinestWines I think you need to report it and ask MN to move it[/quote]

Done.

Not sure if we are an item yet -people think we are do will call him MrBuff

We're just moving this over to relationships for the OP.

yo

Thank you MN!

Roll call? I'm still not on the apps and Mr FP has accepted friendship so I have zero irons on the go.

0.001245522 irons on the go.

MrHedgehog still abroad and may be for foreseeable future so 🤷‍♀️ on that front, MrTescos messaged a bit until new year which I didn’t reply to

Kind of feeling winter ennui and just want to sit under my blankie, but also making sure I’m all “cute and lean and mean and ready to go” when I am back on the apps.

Not very inclined to go out lots in this weather and the dark evenings right now.

Going to probably look at actively dating next month or March, after the threadie meet of course!

Doing a lot of reconfiguring in other areas of my life apart from dating - sounds a bit woo and creepy but I’m really happy with my emotional journey over the last few years (in terms of my confidence and self-esteem) and I want to continue that trend.

Checking in

Completely off topic, but are you familiar with the Gashlycrumb Tinies, @ReturnOfTheBunk? You might enjoy it.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0747541604/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttiASVFJCNNSHAJJJ3T623S
It was the word "ennui" that reminded me of it.

checking in!

Can I join again? Things with mr story currently going tits up and think I’m going to be back on the apps very soon… although feeling sick with anxiety and sadness about it all and lost hope for now. I think I might be losing my last chance to meet someone before I’m too old to have a baby (I’m 37) so this one feels like a proper kick in the teeth.

Checking in. No real news to report.

.

Well I'm feeling quite freaked.

I responded to Mr Needys message saying "are you missing something? Lol x" with "What do you mean?" He replied: "I get the feeling you don’t want to see me again. It’s cool I’d rather you just be honest if that’s the case x"

So I replied asking what gave him that impression? (After all, in my eyes my messages and contact is the appropriate amount for someone I've known a week.) He said "Lack of chat after Saturday. X"

That said it all really and confirmed to me that he would be far too full on going forward if he's this needy after a week. So I replied:

"Well seeing as today is only Monday and yesterday I was with my family.. and I've only known you for 1 week... then you're right, I'm not what you're looking for because I clearly don't have the time you require from someone. It's been nice getting to know you and Saturday was nice, but I'm in a place where dating/relationships are just one part of my life, alongside other interests and hobbies, as opposed to being the whole part of it. I wish you luck in the future x"

That's when the creepiness got nasty and he said:

"Your really just going to blow me off? Seems a little harsh. I’m not complaining it’s just you don’t really give too much away as to what your feeling…..x" then asked if we could chat later. I ignored both messages. He then tried to call which I ignored.

An hour later I get a notification on Bumble saying I had a "like," I go on and he's created a new account (he deleted his old one I assume because he thought I was his girlfriend or something odd in his head,) and he had "liked" me 😳

I've deleted bumble now.

Today he's also friend requested me on fb and Instagram. My profile picture isn't even of me! It's a TV show character.

I blocked him on WhatsApp and two minutes later he sent a text saying "so much for being genuine. Good luck x"

I replied:

I've made it quite clear in a polite way in my message that it's not working for me. You are making me feel pressured and your neediness after just 1 week is too much. Please stop contacting me now and stalking me on social media and bumble. Its not going any further so please stop.

Haven't heard anything since but I am so freaked out!

Checking in 👍🏻 still on my dating exile 😂 the good news is I've got an appointment with another doctor at my surgery who can hopefully give me some answers 🤞🏻❤️

@Rosewaterblossom truly scary… he sounds far too intense. And that first message was so passive aggressive. At least he has revealed this early before you got emotionally attached!

rosewater wow, he really showed his true colours there, didn't he?! I would feel freaked out too. Hopefully he'll get the message now and realise you're not wanting to be pursued but be left alone. By him anyway.

Flags don't get much redder than that. Bullet dodged, etc...

For the roll call… I’m still with Mr Beard, getting very fond of him. Whether it will work out long term I don’t know, but for now enjoying hanging out with him. He’s so laid back, which relaxes me. No little digs or criticisms. We both like going for walks and exploring places, watching films, cooking, hugging.

@Rosewaterblossom he sounds really strange. I've encountered those kind of people a few times. Good on you for sticking with your boundaries 👏🏻❤️

Thanks I want some new reading @PurpleStripyScarf

@StartingAgain33 you down for the meetup?

Been on tinder 8 days, no sign of any dates, been matching with quite a few and talking but no one interested in chatting than more than a day so it's a different man every night (only talking) 😂 one made it to WhatsApp video call but no spark, I think that was mutual as we both didn't contact again. I'm looking for dating so I guess that's a difficult task in itself.

@StartingAgain33

Can I join again? Things with mr story currently going tits up and think I’m going to be back on the apps very soon… although feeling sick with anxiety and sadness about it all and lost hope for now. I think I might be losing my last chance to meet someone before I’m too old to have a baby (I’m 37) so this one feels like a proper kick in the teeth.

Oh @StartingAgain33 I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending hugs. You've still got time!

@ReturnOfTheBunk oh it'll only take you 2 minutes to read. More of a coffee table book really. It's creepy yet captivating.

No irons here. Had a drunken snog with a friend of a friend at a party at the weekend, which was nice/fun but no follow-up. My only other recent date zero put my phone number into Covid track&trace the next day and I've not heard from him since