Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

Can I join? Been single since I had DD, I was 31 then 40 now. I've signed up to a couple of dating sites, never got past swiping just too scared of getting it wrong.

Even if I strike up a conversation not sure on the logistics of dating, I need to find a reliable babysitter. No ex or other support in the picture. But there must be a way.

Checking in!
No irons for me but a few MOI (men of interest) in my local vicinity.
I’m feeling in a fricking amazing place mentally however due to doing about 5 meditations every day since being completely dumped by my ‘family’ at Christmas, who I’ve now blocked on all channels and feel so much better for it… smashing dry january and just feel in the best place mentally, physically and spiritually I actually EVER have ❤️ It’s an amazing feeling!
Not bothered about meeting anyone for much, but do enjoy gazing at my MOI when I’m out and about 👀😍💘💘

@TinyTroubleMaker

Can I join? Been single since I had DD, I was 31 then 40 now. I've signed up to a couple of dating sites, never got past swiping just too scared of getting it wrong.

Even if I strike up a conversation not sure on the logistics of dating, I need to find a reliable babysitter. No ex or other support in the picture. But there must be a way.

Welcome! I'm in a similar position in terms of solo parenting. It can be tough / slow. It's all about lining up good childcare! Good luck with taking your swiping to the next level. Feel free to use us as a sounding-board - the folks here give brilliant advice!

@Rosewaterblossom

Well I'm feeling quite freaked.

I responded to Mr Needys message saying "are you missing something? Lol x" with "What do you mean?" He replied: "I get the feeling you don’t want to see me again. It’s cool I’d rather you just be honest if that’s the case x"

So I replied asking what gave him that impression? (After all, in my eyes my messages and contact is the appropriate amount for someone I've known a week.) He said "Lack of chat after Saturday. X"

That said it all really and confirmed to me that he would be far too full on going forward if he's this needy after a week. So I replied:

"Well seeing as today is only Monday and yesterday I was with my family.. and I've only known you for 1 week... then you're right, I'm not what you're looking for because I clearly don't have the time you require from someone. It's been nice getting to know you and Saturday was nice, but I'm in a place where dating/relationships are just one part of my life, alongside other interests and hobbies, as opposed to being the whole part of it. I wish you luck in the future x"

That's when the creepiness got nasty and he said:

"Your really just going to blow me off? Seems a little harsh. I’m not complaining it’s just you don’t really give too much away as to what your feeling…..x" then asked if we could chat later. I ignored both messages. He then tried to call which I ignored.

An hour later I get a notification on Bumble saying I had a "like," I go on and he's created a new account (he deleted his old one I assume because he thought I was his girlfriend or something odd in his head,) and he had "liked" me 😳

I've deleted bumble now.

Today he's also friend requested me on fb and Instagram. My profile picture isn't even of me! It's a TV show character.

I blocked him on WhatsApp and two minutes later he sent a text saying "so much for being genuine. Good luck x"

I replied:

I've made it quite clear in a polite way in my message that it's not working for me. You are making me feel pressured and your neediness after just 1 week is too much. Please stop contacting me now and stalking me on social media and bumble. Its not going any further so please stop.

Haven't heard anything since but I am so freaked out!

Wow!

Well sussed though.

I think I’ll give my MOIs names. Still got MrTurk… I now have MrTruck who’s actually a neighbour.. he’s probably a good 15 yrs or more older than me but very nicely turned out and has a lovely brown dog. And there’s MrTrainer who is a PT, seen him a few times now.
Makes my trips out the house a bit more interesting! 😏

So, update:

Gig with MrStone next week, he wants to do dinner first but it's a week day and work is really busy so it might be hard to get there.

Consultant asked me to dinner, I've not responded, I must.

27 Tinder matches, of which three stalled conversations, eight responded to my opener (of which three chatted a bit, two have stalled, one unmatched me for asking what supermarket he runs, two are a bit chatty), the rest did not so will be unmatched today.

In Other News, I've been invited to a party in Feb that MrWG will be at, and his "best female friend" who is a bitch. So. That's fun.

@ButterflyOfShay

Checking in! No irons for me but a few MOI (men of interest) in my local vicinity. I’m feeling in a fricking amazing place mentally however due to doing about 5 meditations every day since being completely dumped by my ‘family’ at Christmas, who I’ve now blocked on all channels and feel so much better for it… smashing dry january and just feel in the best place mentally, physically and spiritually I actually EVER have ❤️ It’s an amazing feeling! Not bothered about meeting anyone for much, but do enjoy gazing at my MOI when I’m out and about 👀😍💘💘

What a lovely update! You're living proof that nobody can make you happy but you 😊

Thank you @WeWantTheFinestWines 💕💕

Urgh @VanGoghsDog do you think you’ll go to that party? How would you feel about seeing him.

Checking in

Thank you @WeWantTheFinestWines

@ButterflyOfShay

Urgh *@VanGoghsDog* do you think you’ll go to that party? How would you feel about seeing him.

I feel compelled to go because it's nice to be invited and she came to my Christmas party. It won't be only walking group people either, could be new blood...... MrStone will be there too though.

Oh, how I'll feel about seeing him - not sure. I'll try to be grown up but I'm not very good at that.

Of course, he could well have prior commitments that mean he can't go.

Rosewaterblossom

Bloody hell
You were right about him after all
I’m so sorry he got that nasty 🤢
How was he on the date ? Any hints now
You look back ?

That’s so upsetting

StartingAgain33
It’s a shitty feeling
Look after yourself

ButterflyOfShay
I love a real life crush
So much better in so many ways

VanGoghsDog is WG , walking group
I remember that from the summer ?

My roll call (never had one before )
Mr 22
Mr Balkans
Mr neurodiverse
There is one match I also liked but he didn’t reply after the chat , mr north London
And I might meet mr garden

@Thisisworsethananticpated

VanGoghsDog is WG , walking group I remember that from the summer ?

Yeah. It's a tragic (and boring) tale.

They all are !!!! I’m still slightly obsessed with a guy I liked at the same time
Summer loving

@Rosewaterblossom bullet dodged and a great reflection of your boundaries working. In my experience the irons that end every sentence of a text with ‘x’ are needy af

Roll call- 1 only 🥰 still smitten with Mr L, 6 months on -we’ve got a great routine going of seeing each other every second weekend, couple of phone calls in between, the very odd extra meet up midweek when his work brings him nearby - I know some would feel it’s not enough contact but for me it’s enough and he seems happy too -I do miss him sometimes.
We are planning a week long holiday to France driving down through the Loire valley and a couple of other trips to meet friends.
I also might introduce him to my sisters this weekend too which is huge for me!

Dropping in - only one on the go at the moment. Mr Choirboy. He was the classical singer/musician I had a coffee with last week. He actually is in a choir! We’ve had a couple more dates since and are doing an open mic night together on Friday. He seems very sweet, in fact I keep worrying I’ll put him off as he’s so posh and wholesome and I’m quite common and sweary 😂

Can I ask, what sort of things do you tend to say when you are talking for the very first time. I've joined bumble, never done online dating before. Haven't really done dating before actually just met partners when I was younger through life situations rather than searching for someone.

@TedMullins you never know, he might be worrying that he’s too posh and you’ll get bored of him…nice to have a guy who can sing to you!

@TinyTroubleMaker I’m no chatting expert but the things that have worked for me is picking up on their hobbies from their profile and asking about those. Or if they don’t give much away, asking about their location or what they’re up to that week.

@TinyTroubleMaker I also try to mention my own situation fairly early on, as dating someone with young kids like I have isn’t for everyone.