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Original poster

Argument at midnight NYE

215 replies

yan79 · 01/01/2022 00:51

Hi.
I’ve had a bottle of wine and fallen asleep before
Midnight.
Woke up by the kids at 12:06 (ages 9 & 14) to look at the fireworks (which I promised)
My other half was her (who I don’t live with) and he was awake. I said *** I’m a bit pissed off you didn’t wake me up at 12am for NYE for all of us really. (To say happy new year, to have a kiss, to say hi to the kids. To watch the fireworks)
He’s gone absolutely mad, said I was inappropriate, my fault I was asleep, why should he have to wake me up etc) he’s then proceeded to get up and leave (taxi home-6 miles
Away) when he first kicked off I told him I was recording him On my phone as I thought he was being over the top. Soon after that he stopped shouting, collected his things and left without saying a word.
I’ve lived in an abusive relationship for 15 years prior to this (I know the score). I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong for being pissed off and saying so to him. Or is he the one for shouting in front of the kids and blaming me then leaving?
I’m a bit marred due to the wine?

I’m so angry and upset.

Happy new year every one xx

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 01/01/2022 11:32

In some situations drinking a bottle of wine is fine. On this situation with an argumentative relationship and dc traumatised by witnessing the effects of alcohol is not such a great choice

gerardsbutler · 01/01/2022 11:49

Only on MN can you be called an alcoholic for having a bottle of wine on NYE.

LampLighter414 · 01/01/2022 11:53

His reaction is OTT but its your fault you fell asleep so I don't think it was a reasonable complaint. If a DP complained to me about something like that I wouldn't accept it either. Unless you specifically warned that you're tired but wanted to be awake at midnight.

Lou98 · 01/01/2022 11:54

@gerardsbutler I agree a bottle of wine on New Year is no problem. However, I think the issue is that the OP has said the kids had every new year ruined by their alcoholic dad so I think more people are making the point that having been around that for all those years, it maybe wasn't the best choice to have a bottle of wine then fall asleep when the kids were around.

I grew up with an alcoholic dad and I then hated being around anyone drinking as a child as it just triggered those memories and that scared feeling I had.

Although I agree a lot of people on MN think if you have more than one drink you automatically have a drinking problem!

girlmom21 · 01/01/2022 11:55

@gerardsbutler

Only on MN can you be called an alcoholic for having a bottle of wine on NYE.

She got the kids away from an alcoholic, says how damaging it was for them, then fell asleep and missed midnight because she'd drank too much.

Her children had to wake her to watch the fireworks, then she kicked off because nobody woke her sooner.

It's not the amount she consumed that's the issue. It's that she doesn't know her limits.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/01/2022 12:05

I think from the incident you have cited, YABU. It is not up to him to wake you up. Filming him was inflamatory, at best. Having also been in an abusive relationship, I agree it's hard to work out what is me and what is them sometimes. It may be that the 20% of him 'not being ok' is him being abusive. I don't know, I don't what happens. It may that the Freedom Programme, in person or online will help you work out which is which. Or counselling, if you can acess it through work, or privately (if funds allow) will help you work out your situation, and a way forward.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 01/01/2022 12:12

You fell asleep. He woke you. You fell asleep again.

The kids woke you and the first thing you did was turn to him and blame him. It doesnt matter if you didnt raise your voice. You started it. Your first action was to have a go at him, and now you are playing the victim. Even recording him to prove it was him? After you started it.

Maybe he is right. Maybe you do start fights and blame him for things, like you did here, and then you try to tell him it was his fault. You're the one not taking responsibility and maybe he is bloody sick of it.

Bagamoyo1 · 01/01/2022 12:37

@HeddaGarbled

You are completely unreasonable. You drank a whole bottle of wine and passed out in an alcoholic mess when you’d promised your children you’d watch the fireworks with them, then blamed your completely blameless partner.

You let your children down because you have no control over your drinking. Then picked a fight you had no right to pick.

Sort yourself out.

This

newyearsresolurion · 01/01/2022 12:39

Fancy just setting an alarm???

Bagamoyo1 · 01/01/2022 12:42

Your poor kids have had events ruined by their alcoholic father, but you still chose to drink a whole bottle of wine and pass out. Your partner woken you at 11.30 to give you half an hour to wake up, sort yourself out, go up to the kids, get ready for the countdown etc - but you chose to go back to sleep again.
Then after not seeing midnight with the kids, you subject them to a drunken row with your partner.
Poor kids. I think you need to plan things a bit better and not drink so much.

anon12345678901 · 01/01/2022 12:43

@gerardsbutler

Only on MN can you be called an alcoholic for having a bottle of wine on NYE.

Not really. But when you've escaped a relationship with an alcohol, that your children have seen, drinking so much you fall asleep twice and then start an argument, isn't the greatest.

Holdingontonothing · 01/01/2022 12:52

@Itsalmostanaccessory

You fell asleep. He woke you. You fell asleep again.

All of this.

And maybe the partner had the self awareness that he'd initially reacted badly (understandably tbh if on reawakening you kick off at him) so wanted to extract himself from the situation?

I can't help thinking that OP is projecting a lot of old hurt onto her DP and it's clouding her judgement on what is "just a disagreement" and what is something more. My feeling us this is the former. I'll also go out on a limb say this is not "toxic relationship" or "you should break up" territory, rather "I'm so sorry I was a dick last night, I'll cut my drinking down and work on not being so reactive" as a new year's resolution.

OP this is all fixable.

Summersdreaming · 01/01/2022 13:06

He woke you up at 11.30 and you couldn't keep yourself awake for 30 minutes, and that's his fault?

And every new year has been ruined by your ex, but you've been in this relationship for 4 years? How did your ex ruin the last 3?

Filming him was OTT but you've acknowledged that.

Think about why you're relying so much on men to make your children happy, and take some responsibility for falling asleep if it was so important to you to stay awake!

twominutesmore · 01/01/2022 13:49

I'd have gone home too. You fell asleep, even after he woke you at 11:30 to see the New Year in and go up to the kids as promised, then complained that he should have woken you. I can't stand people who blame everyone around them for their own rubbish behaviour. I think you probably got defensive because you let your kids down.

JustLikea · 01/01/2022 16:39

Kids woke you up, you feel bad so start an argument with your DP who let you sleep like a normal person would have. You record the argument and he leaves because he realises what a nightmare relationship he has found himself in. I'll be amazed if he comes back. What a truly crappy start to the NY.

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