Argument at midnight NYE

[yan79]

Hi.
I’ve had a bottle of wine and fallen asleep before
Midnight.
Woke up by the kids at 12:06 (ages 9 & 14) to look at the fireworks (which I promised)
My other half was her (who I don’t live with) and he was awake. I said *** I’m a bit pissed off you didn’t wake me up at 12am for NYE for all of us really. (To say happy new year, to have a kiss, to say hi to the kids. To watch the fireworks)
He’s gone absolutely mad, said I was inappropriate, my fault I was asleep, why should he have to wake me up etc) he’s then proceeded to get up and leave (taxi home-6 miles
Away) when he first kicked off I told him I was recording him On my phone as I thought he was being over the top. Soon after that he stopped shouting, collected his things and left without saying a word.
I’ve lived in an abusive relationship for 15 years prior to this (I know the score). I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong for being pissed off and saying so to him. Or is he the one for shouting in front of the kids and blaming me then leaving?
I’m a bit marred due to the wine?

I’m so angry and upset.

Happy new year every one xx

An alcoholic father has ruined every other year.

Now their mum drinks too much and falls asleep, then blames the man nearest her and runs the night for them.

This wasnt him. This was you.

I think you both overreacted, him more so than you but drinking alcohol has most likely caused this. I'm sure it will be fine in the morning and he will apologise.

Happy new years x

Except you didn't just say "you could have woken me" - you also told him you were pissed off. Stop minimising your behaviour

@RussianSpy101

I think you were both out of order tbh. I wouldn’t wake an adult just to give them a kiss and say happy new year. You were only 6 minutes “late” anyway. Surely the children would’ve woken you prior to 12 if they were that bothered?

Your OH was unreasonable for kicking off. I think YABU to of filmed him too though, so it could be that.

Agreed

Your kids are upset because you fell asleep and missed the fireworks. You then started a row.
Their upset in this instance is down to you. He wanted to leave, and you then started recording him to prove he over reacted - that's abusive behaviour.
If your kids have suffered with alcohol abusive parents in the past - maybe don't drink a whole bottle of wine, fall asleep and blame your boyfriend when you're meant to be looking after them.

I’m sorry but this made me laugh. Yes we were both a pair of idiots. I agree.
I’ve been with him 4 years. It’s nothing new. He’s very difficult at times. So am I, I guess. I did say before hand I’d like to see the fireworks. I just thought he might give me a kiss at 12 and say wak up. I didn’t ask him to but I would have 💯 done
This.

A bottle of wine between two people over an evening isn't a drink problem for god's sake! It's also entirely normal, at least in my family, to want to see the New Year in, on the dot, with all the family. I would most definitely expect all sleeping members to be roused in time, glasses filled etc. He sounds like a total drama llama, let him go.

So he did wake you up once... and despite it only being half an hour til midnight you went back to sleep! I would have assumed you were too tired to stay up at all and left you to sleep. I think you might see this differently when you wake up tomorrow.

This is silly. He woke you at 11.30, if you wanted to stay up you should have stayed up from then and sorted yourself out. Instead you went back to sleep and got angry that he didn't wake you at 12. Is this man your personal alarm clock? I presume you have a phone..if you knew you were drifting in and out of sleep but wanted to be up for 12, wouldn't you just set an alarm?

The whole thing is ridiculous. You were up at 12.06 but are still upset that you didn't get a happy new year and kiss at 12 on the dot? That appears childish to me.

His reaction does seem OTT but I think you need to recognise your input in this. Perhaps his reaction is due to wider issues of this type in the relationship and that this wasn't just an isolated incident.

Ok so you would have woken him- that’s you. He didn’t wake you- you told him you were “pissed off” which presumably made him (overly) defensive. You then told him you were recording him. You both sound utterly childish in this situation.

@lynntheyresexswappers

Your kids are upset because you fell asleep and missed the fireworks. You then started a row. Their upset in this instance is down to you. He wanted to leave, and you then started recording him to prove he over reacted - that's abusive behaviour. If your kids have suffered with alcohol abusive parents in the past - maybe don't drink a whole bottle of wine, fall asleep and blame your boyfriend when you're meant to be looking after them.

This 100%

You told your children you would get them for the fireworks and you know they have had new yrs ruined previously due to alcohol. Yet you still drank wine, fell asleep, started an uneccessary argument and blame your oh instead of taking accountability.

If I knew my kids had new yrs eve ruined by alcohol I wont even drink myself on that day. Its just one day you could not have had any.

As for recording conversation...wtaf. if my partner told me that I'd be off and telling them its over too. Your basically saying to him you think he is abusive to you and I'm recording it.

Maybe your projecting too much of whats happened in the past onto him.

I canr eveb get my head around saying I'm recording you...smh. wow.

@yan79

I don’t have a drink problem. I just nodded off. I was bored, he wasn’t talking I nodded off. I wasn’t unconscious, as I said I just nodded . Woke up to vic reeves singing. I didn’t wave a camera in his face I just said you’re being unreasonable by saying you’re leaving by saying I’m pissed off (a bit mad were my words) and him saying it was over because I said ‘why didn’t you wake me up at 12 because I’d nodded off’ He over reacts to everything (blaming me) which is the reason for me voice recording him to let him see I wasn’t shouting. He always blames me for every argument therefor I voice recorded him. (As I said, no waving a camera in his face) he’s also done this to me before. It went like this. Kids had tea about 7. We had tea about 8, Both drank a bottle of wine while kids were in bed. They watched tv in bed and I said I’d come up at 12 for fireworks/ NYE celebrations. I fell asleep, He woke me up about 1130 I fell back to sleep with a cuddle on the sofa. I woke up at 12:06 to my daughter asking to see fireworks. I said ‘why didn’t you wake me up at 12?! It’s not a normal night and I’d like to have seen you all’ He said I was out of order and he was leaving and it was over between us as it’s just a normal night. I let him go home. Kids were upset (after having every year and new year ruined by their alcoholic father)

In between that he said I was unreasonable for saying I was was disappointed that he didn’t ‘try’ to wake me up. Then he said I was a disgrace and was getting a taxi.

I then watched the fireworks with my children (feeling ok, although after a drink, with the kids)

He left, got a taxi, kids went to bed upset (again) as he always blames me. I then posted on here

Ok sorry op!! I take back my last post- I do think you poked him a bit by telling him you were recording him- BUT- he sounds like a knob!

Ok. I feel bad. Maybe I was the one to blame. He also drank a bottle of wine. He just didn’t gain to sleep that’s all.
I recorded him as all of our arguments since we’ve been together have always been blamed on me. (After a long, abusive relationship I just can’t take the blame every-time) I needed to prove it wasn’t me being awful. I literally just said ‘why didn’t you wake me up?!’ He said he didn’t think he should have done. I think he could have given me a Little nudge. I agree it’s not his place to wake me up but if I was awake at 12 on nye I would have given him a little shake or a kiss to say hny xx

Next year how about not drinking then you can’t falll asleep and blame someone else. It’s entirely on you .

OP this really, really doesn't sound like a healthy happy relationship. Especially one where you have your own kids to think of. Do you think it is?

@yan79

Ok. I feel bad. Maybe I was the one to blame. He also drank a bottle of wine. He just didn’t gain to sleep that’s all. I recorded him as all of our arguments since we’ve been together have always been blamed on me. (After a long, abusive relationship I just can’t take the blame every-time) I needed to prove it wasn’t me being awful. I literally just said ‘why didn’t you wake me up?!’ He said he didn’t think he should have done. I think he could have given me a Little nudge. I agree it’s not his place to wake me up but if I was awake at 12 on nye I would have given him a little shake or a kiss to say hny xx

Why are you with this guy?

After an abusive relationship with your children's father, don't you long for a relationship where you both aren't recording each other during arguments and getting blamed for every disagreement?

Poor kids in the middle of this car crash

Yes, I shouldn’t have recorded him. I absolutely agree. I’ve had such a bad time over the past few years being blamed for argument (even with current partner. He never accepts responsibility) always blames me for being ‘the victim’
I just thought If I recorded him he may see how unreasonable he was being.
Sorry to add this on late but every time we row he says I’m being the ‘victim’ or blames me for provoking. So this row tonight is nothing unusual 😞

When you reach the stage of recording your partner, it is really time to end it.

Well, to be fair, you do seem to see yourself as the victim in all this. At least, that's how it comes across.

I absolutely agree with the children being the victim. They’ve had more than enough shit.
I don’t want to put them through any more.
Tbh, I thin I’m better off just with them rather then with someone who is ok 80% of the time but 20% of the time blames me, leaves home, calls me a victim etc. I suppose it’s more deep rooted than just tonight. I hope I’ve articulated this reasonably despite the wine. Xx

@yan79

Ok. I feel bad. Maybe I was the one to blame. He also drank a bottle of wine. He just didn’t gain to sleep that’s all. I recorded him as all of our arguments since we’ve been together have always been blamed on me. (After a long, abusive relationship I just can’t take the blame every-time) I needed to prove it wasn’t me being awful. I literally just said ‘why didn’t you wake me up?!’ He said he didn’t think he should have done. I think he could have given me a Little nudge. I agree it’s not his place to wake me up but if I was awake at 12 on nye I would have given him a little shake or a kiss to say hny xx

Honestly I hope he walks away for good. You say all your arguments he blames u so that gives you right to record him to prove to him he is wrong and its not your fault.

Yet here is an argument you started and is your fault and you cant even admit it, you still try to blame him for not waking you up. He is not a mind reader or your alarm clock.

So actually I sonr believe you that it was not your fault in past arguments either.

Maybe he is the one who should record you

@HeddaGarbled

You are completely unreasonable. You drank a whole bottle of wine and passed out in an alcoholic mess when you’d promised your children you’d watch the fireworks with them, then blamed your completely blameless partner.

You let your children down because you have no control over your drinking. Then picked a fight you had no right to pick.

Sort yourself out.

Catch a grip!

'Passed out in an alcoholic mess' - don't be ridiculous! I don't drink often these days, but I drank a bottle of Prosecco tonight, big deal 🙄certainly not any kind if an alcoholic mess FFS.

@yan79. I would expect to be woken up & if someone had fallen asleep on the sofa, rather than having gone to bed, id have woken them up at 5 to midnight.

However, I think telling him you were 'pissed off' he didn't wake you AND recording him were both out of order.

Him kicking off about it was out of order as well.

Given what you & the kids have already been through with their Dad, id call it a day with this bloke.

I think the dynamics here are complex.

You seem to struggle to say what we all need to say sometimes: this is my fault, I messed up, how can I put it right.

It doesn't make you less of a person to be the one at fault.

Instead, you're directing a huge amount if anger at your partner.

You're now bringing up past arguments to say that even IF you were at fault today, it is neatly always his fault.

Youre saying now youre better off without him.

You need to be more aware of your anger. It is huge and destructive and misdirected.

You need to get to a place where you can take responsibility for yourself.

get rid.

You have gone straight into another abusive relationship.

Being single and going through the Freedom Program should be your NY resolution