Husband never has 12 month old DD alone

[Wavesanddots]

I can’t work out if this is normal. I think in my NCT group it probably is normal but maybe we all have crap dads. In any case, they have support from their families which I don’t.

I’m not sure if I should raise it.

Well yeah I can ask and he’ll say yeah OK.

Then doesn’t. So I’m not sure what else I can do, tbh.

Oooh I get what you mean!
My DP used to seem to think that when I'm home I was the default parent.
So if I was out, whether that's at work, socialising or whatever he was really good at taking the reins.. but that was just it, why were they my reins to hold when I was at home? That's not equal.
I had to explain this to him unfortunately, but he did understand and now things are better.
Explain how you're feeling to him OP

@Wavesanddots

Well yeah I can ask and he’ll say yeah OK.

Then doesn’t. So I’m not sure what else I can do, tbh.

If he says yes then get her ready to go and tell him "it's time to go", I'll see you in an hour!" Make it clear how long you expect him to give our for or it will be once round the block and back in again.

Have you tried booking a class or activity for DD so your H has somewhere specific to take her? Not that you should have to! He sounds a bit hopeless.

Oh, cross post, you have explained.
No hints, just spell out to him that he's her parent too!

He doesn’t, @Karatema, I’m not explaining this very well, clearly.

He wouldn’t go @TheOccupier I’d end up having to take her.

DH has a bit of a history with this. I never noticed it before DD because I never really had to rely on him, but you often ask him to do something and he won’t so you do it yourself. I remember being so, so bloody hungry last year because I kept asking him to go to the supermarket and he kept saying yeah I’ll go and didn’t. It’s quite effective as a tactic because you aren’t saying no but you aren’t going! It’s so fucking annoying though.

He's not adding much to eigehr your life or her life to be honest is he.

He's not a good parent if he if he can't even take his 12 month old out for an hour long walk.

No doubt he will be laying the blame at your feet in a few years time when she inevitably doesn't want to spend any time with him.

Just say I need a few hours and go to bed. Very normal here

What are his good points?

Could you sign them up for a weekly activity? My SIL takes his Dd swimming every Saturday morning and has done since she was 6 months old.

Good this sounds a nightmare. What if you go out as a family then you say you're going to head home on your own?

This potentially is a big issue. Needs sorting NOW. When baby is in bed, request a conversation. State of the union conversation. Explain exactly how you feel. You’re tired, you need a break, you need more sleep. This is what you need and when. And how important it is for you. If he doesn’t do it then, you are going to have to rethink this relationship. Your daughter is both your responsibility not just yours. This subtle sexist shit will only spread unless you assert your needs now.

He wouldn’t go @LizzieSiddal either the money would be wasted or id go. She does go swimming on Saturdays but I take her.

I wouldn’t really be able to do that @TheOccupier

In many ways he’s a lovely man and good dad but I do wish I could get a bit more of a break.

In many ways he’s a lovely man and good dad but I do wish I could get a bit more of a break.

Your standards are way too low. He is neither a good person or a good dad. He's doing the bare minimum and showing absolutely no respect for you.

Oh that sounds really annoying , especially as it reminds me very much of how teenagers often tend to respond to a request to do a task - just yea yea i’ll do it and keep saying that until it reaches the point the parent has to threaten a punishment.

In many ways he’s a lovely man and good dad but I do wish I could get a bit more of a break

I'm not seeing how he's a good dad He seems to be opting out of parenting.

He sounds totally useless.

Why wouldn't you be able to head home leaving the two of them out together OP? What would happen if you said you were about to that?

Have you pointed out to him that he says he'll do stuff and then doesn't? What is his response?

What household chores does he do?

DH used to love his 1:1 time with DS when he was little, would take him out so I could have a break.

Does he do bath/bedtime?

I do more parenting but he doesn’t completely opt out. Hard to say. I really would like him to visit his parents with DD, or similar. Sometimes if I plead he’ll take her to the supermarket. But it isn’t really for long enough for me to properly relax.

Just practicalities there @JanglyBeads - we’d either need two cars or if it was walking distance he’d just come home with me.

@Wavesanddots

He wouldn’t go *@LizzieSiddal* either the money would be wasted or id go. She does go swimming on Saturdays but I take her.

I wouldn’t really be able to do that @TheOccupier

In many ways he’s a lovely man and good dad but I do wish I could get a bit more of a break.

What makes him a good day? Sounds like he cannot be bothered to be a parent to his child.

Plead? Tell him he's having the baby. Plonk her on him & go upstairs to relax and do whatever you're doing. If he tries to come back with the baby tell him you're relaxing and refuse to take her back.

I had this same issue, not as severe but am basically the default parent. He was always coming to ask me questions about simple things - think how to prep food for her until I just said nope enough is enough.

@Wavesanddots

And I see that I should have been clearer. I have nipped out briefly to places like the supermarket and even had a couple of nights out with friends. That’s fine. But I would like a bit of time at home uninterrupted too.

Ask MNHQ to change your thread title.