Are we courting, even if he’s not single?

[Olivia8484]

So...in a nutshell..I’ve fallen for a guy I work with. He’s in a long term relationship and has one child. I also have one child and currently separated from my partner.

I know it’s wrong to feel so attracted to him and to want to talk to him and casually hang out during work. I actually don’t know how he feels and whether he just enjoys the attention (although I’m subtle and he’s not yet aware I’m separated).

We have lots of deep conversations, we tease each other and talk about sex jokingly every time we meet for lunch (not sex with each other but jokes about sex and past experiences). Not as many times but we’re comfortable with each other. He mentions his partner casually and is a good dad. We’ve never kissed or touched inappropriately. We’ve hugged once and he pulled me in by the waist with one arm. Other than that, it’s all banter and none sexual flirting.

I’m a thrill seeker. I don’t know if I truly want him or just enjoy the attention. I don’t believe he would ever overstep and be suggestive, although I don’t know if I would mind. At the same time, I feel he’s like my soulmate with how much connection we have, and sometimes wonder if he’s happy in his relationship, which he is very guarded about.

I know I’m going to get a swarm of people hammering me for being naive and also assuming I’m trying to break up the relationship and steal him. I just need a pep-talk. An honest pep-talk because I’ve not talked to anybody about this.

If you’re a thrill seeker then try rollercoasters, not married men.

Your absolutely not courting, your flirting with a chap on lunch.

I imagine he enjoys the attention for half an hour then goes back to work not giving it a second thought until he bumps into you again.

You have a crush, don't make a fool out of yourself.

He’s not a good dad if he’s flirting with you at work and he’s certainly not a good partner.

Grow. Up.

Courting???
No you are sailing close to an affair. He's pretending he's not trying to cheat and you're getting kicks from turning the head of a married man. A pair of twats, basically.

So you're happy to split a LTR with a child? You're a wonderful person

No you are the other woman.

@Jenhen89

If you’re a thrill seeker then try rollercoasters, not married men.

Love it!!

This is not about sex. I’m not interesting in sleeping with this person. I’m drawn to the connection we have. It all started unintentionally and most likely he is friendly and just being a dude and I need to get a grip.

Courting is a very unusual term for a woman to use.

@Believer99

Your absolutely not courting, your flirting with a chap on lunch.

I imagine he enjoys the attention for half an hour then goes back to work not giving it a second thought until he bumps into you again.

You have a crush, don't make a fool out of yourself.

Fair point.

@PicsInRed

Courting is a very unusual term for a woman to use.

Why?

No, you're not courting because it's not 1957.

More importantly, you're going to get hurt because he likes the attention and will use you for that but trot happily off back to his partner. You and she both deserve better. Cool it all down and value yourself more highly than to be someone's casual amusement like this.

It's not courting, it's only your perception there is a connection between you, you get on well but that doesn't mean he has feelings for you too. If he did cross the line while being in a relationship then he doesn't make a desirable partner anyway, if he can do that to her he'll cheat on you too.
Do nothing, be a friend don't flirt it's really cringy and worst case you'll make a fool of yourself. He's in relationship so leave him alone, if by any chance he becomes single and interested in you, great but this is out of your control so forget it.

No, you are not "courting" @Olivia8484. He is not even aware that you are single, how could you possibly be courting?

Emotional affair then. My advice is unchanged .
Grow . Up.

Why’s he a good dad?

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

No, you're not courting because it's not 1957.

More importantly, you're going to get hurt because he likes the attention and will use you for that but trot happily off back to his partner. You and she both deserve better. Cool it all down and value yourself more highly than to be someone's casual amusement like this.

Thank you - I guess I’m here to get a bashing so I can snap of it. You’re absolutely right. I never thought I’d be in a situation like this. Again, this man has not told me he wants anything from me. We support one another.

You are making a tit out of yourself. Get a grip and leave this man alone.

@dumplings1

It's not courting, it's only your perception there is a connection between you, you get on well but that doesn't mean he has feelings for you too. If he did cross the line while being in a relationship then he doesn't make a desirable partner anyway, if he can do that to her he'll cheat on you too. Do nothing, be a friend don't flirt it's really cringy and worst case you'll make a fool of yourself. He's in relationship so leave him alone, if by any chance he becomes single and interested in you, great but this is out of your control so forget it.

You’re absolutely right. It most likely is in my head and in a strange way (just being totally honest here) I find comfort in thinking he might like me too. I feel sexual tension around him but have never initiated inappropriate flirting. Just banter

is this a wind up ? it's saturday evening ...

@Aquamarine1029

You are making a tit out of yourself. Get a grip and leave this man alone.

Seconded.

I know I’m going to get a swarm of people hammering me for being naive

Meh. You’re not being naive. You know exactly what you’re doing. You know this is wrong. Don’t be that person.

Disgusting. He has a partner and a child for God's sake. What a pair of dicks the pair of you are.