Paid for a date and now he’s vanished - have I been stood up?

[Agghhh]

Today I had booked a trip for myself and someone i’ve been seeing for a while. I agreed to pay for most of it this time as he’s spent a lot on me the other times we’ve been out/had takeaways etc.

Anyway, train was booked for 12, we was talking about it yesterday. I told him what time to be at mine and what time the things were booked for, he said that was fine and seemed excited to go.

I’ve driven 2 hours there and back to get my DD looked after and got ready. I could see he hadn’t been online on WhatsApp so dropped him a message to confirm everything was okay… aaaand I’ve had no response. Obviously we can’t go now because we’ve missed the time slot for the train. I was really looking forward to it and spent a lot of time booking things so we could have a really nice time before Christmas.

I don’t think I’ve been blocked as I’ve called on a different phone (he doesn’t have that number) and it’s not going through either, so it seems like his phone isn’t on all together.

At the moment I feel like a bloody mug. Not only have I wasted a decent amount of money just before Christmas that I really didn’t need but I’m now at home with nothing to do, when I could have spent the weekend with DD as I don’t get to spend much time with her as it is. He’s always seemed really interested and this hasn’t happened before so I don’t really know what to think. Have I been stood up or has something else happened? Please someone help to cheer me up a bit :(

Is it somewhere you can go alone?

That is very disappointing.

It's possible he's lost his phone but even if he had, he could have shown up. Very odd and it looks bad. Don't try too hard to give it a salavageable interpretation.

No excuse but was he out last night and hungover/still asleep?

Better to find out now than later that he’s a loser. I do appreciate that probably won’t make you feel any better in the short term!

I waited to see if he’d show up so I’ve missed the train time slot.. not that I feel up for going now anyway

@anFiaRuaNua that was my thought but he knows where I live! Or he could have asked a friend to contact me via social media… very odd

I'd be a bit worried tbh.., do you know where he lives?

Could you collect your DD and take her on a later train? You might have to adapt it a bit depending on what it is but you could try and salvage something maybe?

Can you still get there and do the thing you booked? What was it? Can you go alone? How much have you spent?

Hes slept in after a heavy night last night at a Christmas thing, surely?

It seems odd to me. That isn’t a typical stood up story. Did he just not show up to your house at the time expected?

Can you get your daughter and get a later train. Even just sight see if activity isn't child appropriate?

@Mammyloveswine he’s in the army so he lives in the accommodation on site… he won’t be alone.

I can’t salvage it at all now. It’d be another 2 hours to collect DD and another £80 for a last minute train ticket. I’ll just have to accept the loss. I’m more upset because i really wouldn’t expect this, he’s always shown a lot of interest, but i suppose he could of gone drinking and overslept, in which case that’s me done

Can’t you use the train tickets anyway, or are they only for that specific train which you’ve missed?

Throw this one back...

You do realise you deserve better don't you!?

Unless he's in a hospital bed or something he's fucked up and I hope you walk away

If he's in the army it's highly likely he will have got pissed up and overslept or crashed at some random woman's house sorry

@MikeWozniaksMohawk unfortunately only for that specific train, I wish I’d got the flexible ones now but I’d never of thought this would of happened.

Sounds like he was on a bender last night and has got completely drunk and overslept
No respect for you and the plans you had made whatsoever

Drinking and overslept or lost phone (while drunk) would be my guess

I'm sorry you didn't still go on the trip

@thegreencup yep I feel you’re probably right tbh. As another pp said, unless he’s in hospital etc then that is me done.

Agh I feel a mug. I assumed it would be okay, he’s done the same for me before… booked lovely days out etc and they’ve always been a load of fun. He seemed really up for this one as well

When you say he's spent a lot on you going out/takeaways, what sort of thing are we talking?

If he's paying for nice gestures, thoughtful things, then I'd be worried about where he is, as it seems that's what he likes to do with you.

If he's paying for the takeaways, when you watch telly, then sleep together, or the drinks in the bar (before you go back to his and sleep together), but hasn't spent anything on actual time with you that doesn't lead to "and then sex" then I hate to say it, but he isn't interested in you. And has turned his phone off so he doesn't have to be inconvenienced with you being upset.

You know which of those two he is.

Hopefully he will be suitably mortified and apologise profusely.

I'm not sure I'd give up a weekend with my DD if I didn't see her enough for a bloke, maybe just me though.

That seems bit strange- not a typical ghosting story. Maybe he isn't well?

If the relationship is otherwise good and this is completely out of character for him, at this stage I'd be worried rather than angry.
If my dp had not turned up for something and been totally uncontactable in the early days of our relationship, I would have been worried that something had happened to him.

Don't think of it as wasted money. Think of it as your contribution to the dates he paid for.
I know it's not but if you chuck it (mentally) into that pot you might feel better about that aspect of it.

I'm sorry you didn't get to go on your trip, sounds like you put in a lot of effort for a nice day.