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Original poster

Recently found out My Nice Guy has rape fantasies. *content warning added by MNHQ*

264 replies

NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 13:46

Have a FWB for over a year who seems a really nice guy, middle aged, says all the right things about attitudes to women, shows awareness of how we experience the world differently, reads about this. In bed I trust him absolutely. He's into erotic, sensual stuff not porn stuff. If he suggests something and I don't want to he completely accepts this immediately and says he would never want to do something unless we both wanted to. He is extremely generous to me sexually, clearly enjoys giving. I have had the best sex of my life with him.

I asked him to tell me a fantasy he has. Basically it was about him kidnapping a woman, killing the people she is with who try to protect her, taking her to his bedroom, tearing off her clothes whilst she is crying and protesting, throwing her onto the bed and ' fucking her hard'. He tried to make it more 'rape light' by saying he could tell she had started to be aroused by him taking his clothes off, that when he forcibly kissed her she started to kiss him back, and that as he approached her to have sex (rape) her he decided he would stop if she protested, but I suspect he only added that last bit in to make it more palatable to me.

I mean FFS, if this guy has rape fantasies and I never, ever would have guessed he does, what guy doesn't??!! Are all men secretly like this?! Is NAMALT actually a load of shit?!

OP posts:
BourbonScreams · 10/12/2021 13:50

Wow. That's a can of worms I couldn't close again once it was opened. And I wouldn't say that about most kinks.

SSOYS · 10/12/2021 13:51

Good grief. I generally take the view that fantasy is just fantasy but I’m afraid I find that really disturbing and I’d run a mile. Not all men fantasise about rape, absolutely not.

Original poster
NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 13:52

@BourbonScreams

Wow. That's a can of worms I couldn't close again once it was opened. And I wouldn't say that about most kinks.
I'm really, really taken aback by it. I can't reconcile it with the person I've known.
OP posts:
BourbonScreams · 10/12/2021 13:52

Oh and I do think NAMALT, but also ALOMALT (a lot of men are like that!)

TeaStory · 10/12/2021 13:52

Fucking hell.

Anordinarymum · 10/12/2021 13:54

I have fantasies I would not discuss with anyone. They are fantasies and a tool for arousal. A fantasy is most probably something others would find disturbing which is why they are just that - a fantasy only and nothing more.

Original poster
NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 13:54

@SSOYS can I ask if you are a man or a woman?

OP posts:
Rummikub · 10/12/2021 13:54

Ditch!

Also if he was willing to share that particular fantasy what else is in that head?

EerieSilence · 10/12/2021 13:55

OMG. This would be a reason to reconsider our relationship for me.

SSOYS · 10/12/2021 13:55

@NAMALTthoughprobablyare a woman

Justcallmebebes · 10/12/2021 13:56

I have fantasies I would not discuss with anyone. They are fantasies and a tool for arousal. A fantasy is most probably something others would find disturbing which is why they are just that - a fantasy only and nothing more.

^ Absolutely this. fantasies are exactly that, fantasies and I would never ask someone their fantasy because you won't always like the answer

gannett · 10/12/2021 13:59

Sexual fantasies can go to some pretty dark places for both men and women, and I accept that.

I would question why the fuck he felt the need to tell me that particular one in that much detail. It's the kind of thing you can't unthink. Yes, you asked, but not every question should be answered with total honesty.

TheTrinity · 10/12/2021 14:04

This is one fantasy that's unacceptable to me. I would end the FWB stat.

Sproglette · 10/12/2021 14:04

@NAMALTthoughprobablyare He is not a nice guy Playful domination fantasies is very different to rape and what you are describing

ElectraBlue · 10/12/2021 14:04

Weirdly enough I have heard this same fantasy a few times from men but those were all people who were part of the fetish/kinky world/scene.

It is quite a different world where BDSM practitioners agree about the content of a 'scene' beforehand as well as having agreed limits and safe words.

I can completely understand though why it would freak you out in this context (a 'vanilla' relationship). Don't hesitate to ditch the guy if this going to play in your head all the time and you are going to always worry about your safety.

Junaper · 10/12/2021 14:11

I think this is a bit tricky…
Obviously I find rape absolutely fucking horrifying- however I do like ‘reluctance’ fantasies in erotic literature. Helpless young maid locked up and taken etc- they are just that- fantasies.
I never ever want to explore them in real life.

I also like erotic literature where the woman pleasures multiple men, however again no interest in trying this in real life in the slightest!!! The idea of it in real life is minging 😂

I have a lovely relationship with my husband and a gratifying sex life and I hope he would know I don’t want those things.

The only thing with this chap is that it sounds very explicitly thought out and specific.

Original poster
NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 14:12

@ElectraBlue I don't feel unsafe around him, I've had a year of knowing I am completely sexually safe and he respects my boundaries absolutely.

But I am disturbed. I can't help but think there is a limit to acceptable fantasies. I never fantasise about hurting or terrifying someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 14:15

@junaper See, I occasionally have 'power' play fantasies, but in them the dominant person also knows this is something the other person enjoys, either because they know them or they are taking it slowly and ensuring the other person is really into it.

Which is quite different from what he said, I think.

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 10/12/2021 14:15

Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that you’re getting upset about a rape fantasy but the poor sods who die protecting the victim don’t even get a mention??

Sounds like he’s been watching too much early James Bond, that’s all.

emdorsalfin · 10/12/2021 14:18

Run.

Thatsplentyjack · 10/12/2021 14:18

Not oy rape fantasy bit murder fantasy aswell. Creepy as fuck!

Original poster
NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 10/12/2021 14:19

@Sarahlou63

Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that you’re getting upset about a rape fantasy but the poor sods who die protecting the victim don’t even get a mention??

Sounds like he’s been watching too much early James Bond, that’s all.

I did find the murder thing disturbing too. But then, they are a bit like the extras in Star Trek who always get killed. They aren't developed characters. The woman was a developed character in the narrative.
OP posts:
Dery · 10/12/2021 14:20

“I have fantasies I would not discuss with anyone. They are fantasies and a tool for arousal. A fantasy is most probably something others would find disturbing which is why they are just that - a fantasy only and nothing more.”

Me (a woman), too, and they also include things I wouldn’t want to do IRL and which might sound a bit off in the cold light of day. Which is why I would never ask. It’s really tough, OP, because you can’t unhear that. It’s a shame he didn’t think a bit harder about how it would come across.

Sarahlou63 · 10/12/2021 14:22

Oh, that’s ok then. It’s a fantasy, not a goal or a career plan...

Allmyfavouritepeople · 10/12/2021 14:22

Yes my concern about this fantasy is the killing element tbh. Consensual non consensual fantasies are quite common for both men and women I think (based on my own Internet explorations) but not come across the killing element before.

It would change how I looked at a partner if they revealed that to me. I'd have to sit with it for a while definitely.