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Original poster

Social Services Meeting

196 replies

biscuitsforbreakfastagain · 10/12/2021 05:23

I have a child in need planning meeting next week with social services
Primary concerns are for partner to attend parenting classes, to help manage the children, following reports of him smacking 2 year old
He is not keen and refusing to attend the meeting. Says he has to work and if they want to talk to him will have to be a weekend
Has anyone had this before, am I going to be in trouble if he doesn't attend?
AIBU that I'm absolutely petrified of he's not willing to agree to it and get help then we face further investigation?
What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
Polly271220 · 10/12/2021 05:24

Get rid of your partner!

MyOtherProfile · 10/12/2021 05:25

@Polly271220

Get rid of your partner!
This. But I'd have done it once he hit our child.
fourminutestosavetheworld · 10/12/2021 05:25

Leave him. What a dick. Hits his child to the point of being reported and refuses to take social services involvement seriously. What an absolute loser.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/12/2021 05:58

You won't be in trouble but he will be. He will be seen as not taking things seriously and it may cause an escalation in what is put on the plan including you having to make the decision to leave him. They won't go and meet him at the weekend. He needs to prioritise this or he may lose his children.

LeedleLee · 10/12/2021 06:02

Why on earth are you still with him? He smacked your child to the point social services became involved (smacking a child is sadly not illegal here so he must have hit them pretty hard or left a mark for it to lead to social services being involved), and yet you are still in a relationship with him?

But yes, he will likely get in trouble and they will escalate it further. Him not showing up demonstrates he doesn't care and isn't willing to engage. He needs to put his child over work.

User42729209 · 10/12/2021 06:03

Break up with the abusive cunt who is hitting your tiny, vulnerable toddler…?

Theunamedcat · 10/12/2021 06:04

You will end up bumped up to child at risk

I would make plans to leave

2reefsin30knots · 10/12/2021 06:06

I think there are plenty of examples of women who have lost their children, not because they were a risk but because they failed to leave a man who was.

Original poster
biscuitsforbreakfastagain · 10/12/2021 06:08

The social worker is putting a referral forward for me to talk to domestic abuse help. It's been a long tough 12 years when I look at it. A month ago I was ready to leave him, then he made me feel so guilty as always about taking the children away, leaving him on his own etc
I believe he is a narcissist, I'm ready to leave him but now I've decided to wait till after Xmas for the sake of the kids. They are 1 and 3.
There is a police order in place that he is not allowed to shout at, chastise or hit them. He has changed since the original enquiry came about but now he's being difficult, hasn't attended any SS meetings so far and now says he can't be at the planning meeting.
I just don't know where to go with the kids, how to find the strength to leave. We have a joint mortgage which he will probably say is his house because he's been working the last few years to pay for it all and I've been a SAHM

OP posts:
Accidentgirlfriend · 10/12/2021 06:09

You need to take this serious even if he won’t . SS don’t mess about and if he won’t engage you will be given a hard decision of standing by him or putting your children first .
You really don’t want to open that can of worms when it comes to them . He needs to do what they ask of him or you need to leave him .

You have choices and chances atm ..

LeedleLee · 10/12/2021 06:10

Please contact Women's Aid. They will help you. You cannot stay with him and this could very easily lead to you losing your children.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/12/2021 06:15

I think given your update that you go to the meeting and lay your cards on the table. Tell them that he is refusing to engage and you are now ready leave him and would like support to do so. If there are problem sitting round the table you may find they are willing to help you and you can get this written into the plan. Use all the suppers you can get and keep your children safe.

GiltEdges · 10/12/2021 06:18

I just don't know where to go with the kids, how to find the strength to leave.

If it was a choice between staying with your partner or keeping your kids, which would you do? That's where your strength needs to come from. Tell SS you're prepared to leave him but need their support.

AnyBloodyUsername · 10/12/2021 06:20

I regularly attend child protection meetings in my role and of course if he's being difficult and refusing to attend the meeting that's will reflect poorly on him. However your reaction to his non attendance is also the important thing professionals will need to review 'is the parent not involved in abuse doing enough to protect their child'. Obviously based on the very little snapshot you've gave i won't comment on that.

My advice, whilst he's at work get yourself involved in a local domestic abuse charity to get some support and advice on next steps for you and your children.

As scary as this is remember social services are there to protect your children and support you in this case!

Headteacher415 · 10/12/2021 06:28

The meeting will explore risk factors (his behaviour) and safe factors (we assume you). His non-attendance will be flagged as an automatic risk factor - he's not taking it seriously.

However, being able to speak without him present will give you the opportunity to be honest and frank with them, and to seek the support you need. It may not be a bad thing that he is not there in that sense.

Finally, you must follow through on anything you say you intend to do, otherwise you will become a risk factor. If you say you're leaving him after Christmas, all their alarm bells will start ringing if you then don't.

Landlubber2019 · 10/12/2021 06:28

I think given your update that you go to the meeting and lay your cards on the table. Tell them that he is refusing to engage and you are now ready leave him and would like support to do so. If there are problem sitting round the table you may find they are willing to help you and you can get this written into the plan. Use all the suppers you can get and keep your children safe.

This, if you make excuses for his non attendance, you will be enabling him and will be seen as a risk to the children. Go and ask for support to keep your children safe and importantly with you!

Siablue · 10/12/2021 06:31

You can’t make him come but you need to show you are doing what you can to protect your DC.

He is not going to change because he doesn’t want to. Hopefully that means that when you leave he will leave you alone.

You can get an order that allows you to stay in the house and makes him leave. I think it is called an occupation order. You should be able to get legal aid as a result of domestic abuse.

If you want to stay in the family home and are safe to do so then that is your best option. I left a home I owned due to domestic abuse and I was not entitled to universal credit or legal aid because I owned a home I didn’t live in. If you stay you will be entitled though because you are living in the home.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/12/2021 06:32

@ApolloandDaphne

I think given your update that you go to the meeting and lay your cards on the table. Tell them that he is refusing to engage and you are now ready leave him and would like support to do so. If there are problem sitting round the table you may find they are willing to help you and you can get this written into the plan. Use all the suppers you can get and keep your children safe.
People not problem!
EmilyEmmabob · 10/12/2021 06:35

Oh OP, I feel for you this is awful. But you have to act now, at 1 and 3 they will not remember the Xmas you left their dad. Celebrate it later, your priority needs to be getting to a place of safety. He's manipulating you and you'll end up having the children taken from you for not complying and getting them to a place of safety. You are being manipulated and abused, you have said you don't want to stay but you felt guilty. This is not your fault but you need to find the strength to leave. Go to SS today, tell them. You need to do the right thing by your children and I know it seems that you'll spoil Xmas by leaving now but taking that step will be the best thing in the long run.
He's refusing to change his behaviour which means he's enjoying things as they are. What sort of a person enjoys making others miserable?

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 10/12/2021 06:40

@User42729209

Break up with the abusive cunt who is hitting your tiny, vulnerable toddler…?
Sums it up Piece of shit....jeez we have all heard about little Arthur this week. Nip it in the bud OP and leave.
HappyMeal564 · 10/12/2021 06:44

Do you need to stay for Christmas for the sake of the kids if he has been smacking your toddler? Even if he won't go to the meeting you need to and you need to cooperate with them to protect your kids. If you stand with him they will temove your children from you

Bagelsandbrie · 10/12/2021 06:48

Your kids are so young they won’t have a clue about Christmas! Shock

You need to leave now and show social services that you are putting the children first. Ring women’s aid and Refuge and get help to leave. Today.

If your partner doesn’t turn up to the meetings and you are still with him it really won’t look good for you.

Aussiegirl123456 · 10/12/2021 06:49

Probably the best present you could potentially ever give your children is to leave their abusing father.

And no. Just because you’re a sahm doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to some of the home. Please ask SS for help during the meeting. I’ve seen too many children taken from really good mothers because the mothers refuse to leave their abusive partners.

Bagelsandbrie · 10/12/2021 06:49

If you are both on the deeds of the house / it’s owned jointly it doesn’t matter if you’ve been a sahm as half the house is yours.

AllTheWeetabix · 10/12/2021 06:50

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