Social Services Meeting

[biscuitsforbreakfastagain]

I have a child in need planning meeting next week with social services
Primary concerns are for partner to attend parenting classes, to help manage the children, following reports of him smacking 2 year old
He is not keen and refusing to attend the meeting. Says he has to work and if they want to talk to him will have to be a weekend
Has anyone had this before, am I going to be in trouble if he doesn't attend?
AIBU that I'm absolutely petrified of he's not willing to agree to it and get help then we face further investigation?
What would you do in my situation?

*to cover cost of rent. Not all social workers know how housing work so you'd need to apply as homeless fleeing domestic violence.

The abuse was reported by Womens Aid when I spoke with them.
The meeting isn't until next Wednesday but he's already said he won't be there. We've had 3 home visits from the social worker so far and he's not been home for any of them.
I totally understand where you are all coming from and I promise I am not letting him lay another finger on DC. They don't leave my sight.
Preschool are involved and will be at the meeting too, it's all on zoom. He refused to give his email address for the link to be sent.
I have spoken to the SW today, told them I want to leave following your advice, and also a free hour talk with a solicitor.
SW is going to get me a dedicated person from the local DA to work with me and help me leave.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support x

Sending you all the strength and resolve you need OP - you are doing the right thing.

OP - you'll be giving them the best Christmas of their little lives if it's in a place free from fear of abuse.

Best wishes to you OP, a difficult decision for you xxx

@MyOtherProfile Smacking & outright hitting is not quite the same thing - not that I condone either!!!!

@fourminutestosavetheworld

Leave him. What a dick. Hits his child to the point of being reported and refuses to take social services involvement seriously. What an absolute loser.

You have no idea how SS became involved, you've just made that up.

@biscuitsforbreakfastagain

The social worker is putting a referral forward for me to talk to domestic abuse help. It's been a long tough 12 years when I look at it. A month ago I was ready to leave him, then he made me feel so guilty as always about taking the children away, leaving him on his own etc I believe he is a narcissist, I'm ready to leave him but now I've decided to wait till after Xmas for the sake of the kids. They are 1 and 3. There is a police order in place that he is not allowed to shout at, chastise or hit them. He has changed since the original enquiry came about but now he's being difficult, hasn't attended any SS meetings so far and now says he can't be at the planning meeting. I just don't know where to go with the kids, how to find the strength to leave. We have a joint mortgage which he will probably say is his house because he's been working the last few years to pay for it all and I've been a SAHM

Police can order a parent not to shout or chastise at their child? Seriously? I have to raise my voice at my child multiple times on especially bad days! (Like today) It doesn't go further than shouting and it's only when necessary. Thankfully especially bad days are fairly rare

Leave him ffs

[quote biscuitsforbreakfastagain]@Siablue thank you for your kind words. I am here and I am reading everything you've all said, through the tears, trying to get my head straight for the day ahead.
It was Womens Aid that reported him to the police and subsequently SS were involved. So I went to them for help, and I know they did the right thing trying to protect me and the children, but I feel so trapped here, there are no spaces in refuges, there are no council places, my only option is a hotel and I have no money of my own. I'm just trying to do the best I can until a place or some help is available. I've done everything SS have advised. The children don't leave my side.[/quote]
There are spaces in several Refuges OP. I spoke to WA today.

I just don’t know how people are able to talk to the OP with zero compassion. You do realise the OP is now getting support to leave him. I wish people would give helpful advice rather than a blanket ‘just leave him’.

@Switch82

I just don’t know how people are able to talk to the OP with zero compassion. You do realise the OP is now getting support to leave him. I wish people would give helpful advice rather than a blanket ‘just leave him’.

IKR.

I had 3 years of abuse, which has taken me 5 years additional time to process. I can’t imagine 12 years.

Ask your social worker for help with a rent bond scheme, they are normally able to help with funds like this. You need to forget about him, your house, your life and start a fresh. Either that or forget about having your kids. They will see him as a risk to those children and rightly so. If anyone hit my children they would be swung out the front door by their ears, no ifs or buts.

Well done on reaching out to SS for help to leave.

Due to his abuse of your DS it'll be likely supervised contact will be ordered.

The fact he's refusing to engage with SS is very telling;scarily I don't think he actually thinks there is anything wrong with his abusive behaviour and doesn't think he should be made accountable for it.

When he convinced you to stay;he wasn't because he wanted you to stay;he was more likely cared more about what people would think of him and not wanting to pay for separate households.

Do not stay quiet about the abuse especially to family members with children;if he can easily hurt a defenceless toddler he can hurt other children.

@biscuitsforbreakfastagain Well done. Stay strong, your kids will thank you for it. You will find happiness soon.

Well done @biscuitsforbreakfastagain, stay strong. 💐

Amazing @biscuitsforbreakfastagain!!!! Well well done! I cannot imagine having the strength you have right now. Wish I could offer more advice but I have limited knowledge but really wanted to say how brave you are.

Good news you are getting some help, please let us know when you are somewhere else and safe. X

If your partner is refusing to engage with the work recommended in the child in need plan the expectation is likely to be they will expect you to prioritise your children over your partner and end the relationship .

@biscuitsforbreakfastagain

The abuse was reported by Womens Aid when I spoke with them. The meeting isn't until next Wednesday but he's already said he won't be there. We've had 3 home visits from the social worker so far and he's not been home for any of them. I totally understand where you are all coming from and I promise I am not letting him lay another finger on DC. They don't leave my sight. Preschool are involved and will be at the meeting too, it's all on zoom. He refused to give his email address for the link to be sent. I have spoken to the SW today, told them I want to leave following your advice, and also a free hour talk with a solicitor. SW is going to get me a dedicated person from the local DA to work with me and help me leave. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support x

That's good news OP (sorry I hadn't read full thread when I posted before )

Good luck . I hope everything works out for you and your children .

Well done that is good progress. It sounds like you are getting the help that you need.