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Original poster

Not ready to part from baby - am I being unreasonable??

223 replies

Mbarts89 · 03/12/2021 17:42

My baby is 16 days old and although my partner wants to take him out without me, I don’t feel ready to be separated from him yet. It’s causing a lot of friction. I feel forced to part from baby, partner feels like I’m criticising his parenting skills. Am I being unreasonable? How long did it take you to part from baby?

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 03/12/2021 17:47

My DP took our DD out when she was 12 days for 2 hours so I could get some sleep.

It is illogical for your DP to just take your baby out without you without a good reason.

So what is his reason? Until there is a good one there is no reason for him to just take his baby out.

RedWingBoots · 03/12/2021 17:48

your joint not his

RedWingBoots · 03/12/2021 17:50

Incidentally does he look after the baby on his own when he comes back from work for 30-60 minutes so you can eat/rest/shower/whatever on your own?

If not you need to start doing this.

Twickerhun · 03/12/2021 17:50

I still don’t want to be apart from my baby who is now 3. Your hormones are really strong at this stage and it’s fine not too want to be apart from your baby. Explain to your husband that it’s nothing to do with him at all it’s just nature holding you and your baby close.
I think I eventually left my baby with my husband at 4 weeks point but that was only for 30 mins or so.

ANameChangeAgain · 03/12/2021 17:50

Your partner is being bonkers. I cant remember exactly but my first would have been about 4 months old when MIL started to take her out for little walks for me. Its very natural for a mother not to let a young baby leave her sight whilst he is so tiny, him trying to force the issue will make you anxious and unwell. It'll be nice for your partner to take him for a quick walk around the block to let you rest, and obviously he is a parent too, but for now if you don't want him to leave your side, then he must support you.

Couchpotato3 · 03/12/2021 17:51

What is he planning to do with the baby? Why shouldn't he just take him out for a short walk? It's his baby too... Why does he need to have a reason to take him out? He needs to learn to be a Dad and the day will come when you are desperate for him to take the baby. Let him start now - your future self will thank you!

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 17:52

This isn't a good sign imo. Is he usually supportive? And I bet he wants to take dc to his dm's house...

SpoonWhereArtThou · 03/12/2021 17:53

It is completely normal to not want to be separated from your baby. I believe it is a deep rooted biological thing we feel. I don't think men can completely understand it because they did not grow the baby inside them.

I would wonder why he would want to cause you distress. You do not want to be separated from your baby so why would he want to do that? Dh definitely spent one on one with our children from when they were newborns but he did not leave the house with them until I was ready.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/12/2021 17:53

Even in the animal world a mother would attack you if you try to take her baby!!!
Remind him he I'll have the rest of his life to bring him out but at the moment she stays by you. Best plan is for him to sit with him while you rest.
And it's freezing..so no..baby stays home.

Totalwasteofpaper · 03/12/2021 17:56

More info needed

Where does he want to take your baby to in the freezing cold??

I’d happily leave my DP downstairs while I went for a nap and if he popped out for milk, then fine

But why does he want to separate you? Is it to visit relatives or what?

Could a compromise be to leave him to it in the house and you go a for nap?

Totalwasteofpaper · 03/12/2021 17:57

Why does he want to distress you? I don’t really get it

romdowa · 03/12/2021 17:59

I've a month old baby and I've left him with his father several times over the last month. I miss him but I don't want to be dragging baby out in the cold if I've an appointment or need to get something done. If you don't feel up to being apart from the baby then that needs to be respected too

hotmeatymilk · 03/12/2021 18:05

16 days! Bloody hell, it’s practically still inside you. Why does he want to take the baby without you – it doesn’t sound like a well-intentioned “to give you a break” (that you don’t want). Just a weird “I can do it!” You and the baby are still one unit and will be for a while.

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 18:11

Imo it isn't in your brand new baby's best interests to be with it's df over it's dm.

frozendaisy · 03/12/2021 18:15

He needs to bond as well.

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Let him be a doting dad.

frozendaisy · 03/12/2021 18:19

My 10 day old baby spent the whole time at toddler group in another woman's arms!

I went to the pub for 2 hours with a friend when first was 12 days old, pub was 30m from flat to be fair and left with dad and dad friend they only called us because breast fed babies can't be fed by dad, couldn't express.

16 day old babies sleep most of the time.

As I said this bonding will likely reep rewards for you later.

frozendaisy · 03/12/2021 18:21

My 5 day old baby, same pub, got strapped into a baby carrier whilst he dad paraded them proudly around.

The female bat staff knew I had done the most work and gave me a on the house Guinness.

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 18:21

A doting df wouldn't want to distress his dc's would he?

AliasGrape · 03/12/2021 18:24

@frozendaisy

He needs to bond as well.

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Let him be a doting dad.

Why can’t he be a doting dad with the mum around?

I can’t remember how old my baby was when DH first took her out without me - quite a bit older than 16 days. And I cried because it still felt wrong.

DH was still perfectly able to be a doting dad - whilst I went for a shower, whilst I had a nap, whilst he sat up with dd half the night so I could get some sleep (we did shifts), taking her for walks together with me, changing nappies, cooking meals for the two of us, doing his share of the washing etc. Plenty of ways to ‘learn to be a parent’ and ‘be a doting dad’ that don’t involve separating a tiny two week old baby from the
mother - and making the mother who he is supposed to love feel uncomfortable and upset for no particular reason.

frozendaisy · 03/12/2021 18:24

Maybe I saw it differently, once baby was out of me it was "our" baby not just mine.

As a disclaimer, perhaps it was the early expected bonding, but dear daddy has worked like a dog to let us live how we want, he adores both his babies, he is devoted, kind, secure in his parenting.

AudHvamm · 03/12/2021 18:34

DH took baby out for a walk every morning in baby wrap from 5 or 6 days old. He also had her for a couple of hours every evening after I’d gone to bed, and I left baby with DH for 3 hours at 16 days old to go get a massage. I think it was good for all three of us, but I wanted/was comfortable with these things. I did have to work though my need to intervene a lot in the early months.

If you’re not comfortable with it your DP shouldn’t be forcing the issue. But, equally, unless you have specific reason not to, you are going to have to trust him to parent his own child and that process may not always feel comfortable for you.

Noama · 03/12/2021 18:36

YABU as others have said, he’s a dad. It’s not like he’s taking baby away for more than a few hours. A lot of dads wouldn’t bother, it’s great that he wants to be actively involved.
I was away from my LO for 5 hours when they were 12 days old. I needed to have a treatment for my medical condition, I would’ve been gravely unwell without it.
We’re all different. If it really bothers you then set a time limit or let him have time alone in the house first.

nocnoc · 03/12/2021 18:37

Where is he taking the baby? Why is he desperate to remove the baby from you?

Noama · 03/12/2021 18:38

@Santaischeckinglists

A doting df wouldn't want to distress his dc's would he?

So @Santaischeckinglists what… you never let anyone else hold your baby ever? In case they were ‘distressed’. Ridiculous.

Sadandncforthis · 03/12/2021 18:42

Op hasn't said her dh can't hold the baby. And I didn't say that wasn't appropriate did I? She said he wants to take it out without her. Hardly the same thing is it?

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