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Original poster

Not ready to part from baby - am I being unreasonable??

223 replies

Mbarts89 · 03/12/2021 17:42

My baby is 16 days old and although my partner wants to take him out without me, I don’t feel ready to be separated from him yet. It’s causing a lot of friction. I feel forced to part from baby, partner feels like I’m criticising his parenting skills. Am I being unreasonable? How long did it take you to part from baby?

OP posts:
HappyMeal564 · 03/12/2021 19:19

@Mbarts89 show him articles about the 4th trimester and how the baby is comforted by your voice and heartbeat at this age

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 19:20

Ignoring the woman he is supposed to love and support 16 days pp isn't a great df... Or a great anything.. How could a great man enjoy showing off his dc knowing the dm is at home upset?

Staryflight445 · 03/12/2021 19:21

Also… how many of you had to take your babies away from dad to bond with them? 🙄

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 03/12/2021 19:21

Give it a few weeks and you’ll be begging the man to take the baby out… and will be annoyed if he comes homer earlier than you thought

elbea · 03/12/2021 19:22

Can you not compromise that when you go for a shower/nap your husband goes for a quick bath walk around the block?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/12/2021 19:22

My sons been mine all his life. I gave birth to him his father did nothing. What is all this garbage about fathers needing 50% of parenting? If my ex had been given 50% of care DS would have starved and worn the same clothes for a week. I dont care what anyone says men cannot be a good parent equal to mum except in the rarest of circumstances.
I have a very normal and healthy relationship with adult DS now and a brilliant one with DiL.
Your husband sounds like he has no clue OP. Taking a tiny baby out in the freezing cold so young. Its positively bizarre. He can do the care in the house. Baby shouldn't be away from you now. It all sounds very weird to me. What is he up to?

elbea · 03/12/2021 19:23

Or just a quick walk round the block Grin

Staryflight445 · 03/12/2021 19:24

They don’t beg for 50/50 when you can barely walk because of the pressure or when you’re throwing up and can’t eat because of the sickness.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

StellaGibson118 · 03/12/2021 19:25

YANBU, it's natural to want to keep baby close in the early days.

I'm also laughing at the people saying it's great that he wants to be involved. He's the fucking father, why are you giving him praise for doing the bare minimum???

Shmithecat2 · 03/12/2021 19:28

@Totalwasteofpaper

Why does he want to distress you? I don’t really get it
This. A partner so dismissive is a red flag to me. Bollocks to pp who say 'iTs hIS baBy tOo!' 🙄 Well, he didn't grow the baby, he didn't birth it, and he has no fucking clue how the OP feels so soon PP. He has years ahead of him to do things like take the baby for a walk. The selfish prick could at least ease up on his demands and consider the emotional and physical trauma the OP has gone through, she's just had the baby. Ffs.
Ozanj · 03/12/2021 19:28

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

My sons been mine all his life. I gave birth to him his father did nothing. What is all this garbage about fathers needing 50% of parenting? If my ex had been given 50% of care DS would have starved and worn the same clothes for a week. I dont care what anyone says men cannot be a good parent equal to mum except in the rarest of circumstances. I have a very normal and healthy relationship with adult DS now and a brilliant one with DiL. Your husband sounds like he has no clue OP. Taking a tiny baby out in the freezing cold so young. Its positively bizarre. He can do the care in the house. Baby shouldn't be away from you now. It all sounds very weird to me. What is he up to?
Exactly.
Staryflight445 · 03/12/2021 19:30

@Shmithecat2 indeed.
As always, many posters view men’s opinions and feelings more important than a women who has just given birth and is emotionally vulnerable.

chickenpie1984 · 03/12/2021 19:35

Sounds like he wants to take the baby out for a walk? Totally normal for a dad to want to do that.
I went to get my hair done when baby was about 2-3 weeks old (can't remember exactly) and let baby with her dad. They were totally fine.

Shmithecat2 · 03/12/2021 19:37

[quote Staryflight445]@Shmithecat2 indeed.
As always, many posters view men’s opinions and feelings more important than a women who has just given birth and is emotionally vulnerable.[/quote]
Quite. Won't somebody think of the poor menz!?! 😫

🙄 Fuck right off.

Shmithecat2 · 03/12/2021 19:39

@chickenpie1984

Sounds like he wants to take the baby out for a walk? Totally normal for a dad to want to do that. I went to get my hair done when baby was about 2-3 weeks old (can't remember exactly) and let baby with her dad. They were totally fine.
And if you were happy to do that, then good for you. However, the OP is 16 days PP and quite distressed about it. A decent man would back off, not row with her until she gives in.
FannyCann · 03/12/2021 19:48

I remember my parents coming over for Sunday lunch along with father in law and S-I-L and B-I-L when DD1 was a week old. It was a fraught time as M-i-L had sadly died very suddenly shortly before the birth, her funeral was on my due date. So much of the focus was on supporting DH and his family or I probably wouldn't have agreed to a large family Sunday lunch at that time.
Anyway Mum decided I needed a rest and snatched DD away to put in the pram and head off for a walk round the village.
I lay there weeping and didn't sleep a wink. When she came back S-I-L's in laws had arrived to see the baby. I could hear her crying as she was passed around the family. DH came up to see if I wanted anything and I screamed at him "BRING ME MY BABY".
He brought her right up, and she smelt of S-I-L's smoke. Angry
I fed her and changed her clothes and lay and cuddled and refused to get up and see anyone.

It's a very emotional time. You are meant to be with your baby and your baby is meant to be with you.

I see threads like this from time to time and don't really understand why new fathers are so desperate to separate the baby from its mother. But you are not being unreasonable. There is no reason to remove the baby from you, I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not but you are still learning to be a mother and recovering from the birth and getting to know your baby and are very closely intertwined with your baby. Nature means it to be this way.
Don't let him. Be firm. This isn't right for you or your baby and he should respect that.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 03/12/2021 19:49

Who does he want to show the baby off to without you there? That seems really odd. Why can't he just spend some more time in the house bonding with them, give you time to yourself?

The fact that he's pressuring you is NOT OK. It should be about what you feel comfortable with at this stage.

FannyCann · 03/12/2021 19:51

(I had been sent upstairs to bed for a sleep by Mum, while she took the baby out, just to clarify.

Staryflight445 · 03/12/2021 19:56

That’s awful @FannyCann
I must admit I have a similar experience although nobody took baby out.
The day after I got home from hospital (traumatic birth) mil came with sil and bil and fil. They all sat leaving me no where to sit and snatched baby straight away, no one was talking to me.
It was my mil talking FOR me. I could sense baby was uncomfortable and I also felt the same. I demanded her back and took her upstairs and told my oh to get rid of everyone.

It was too much.
Let me try and bond with my baby (id not had chance to yet, the nurses did everything for me as I felt so ill).

Some people don’t know when to stop hey.

Benchbenchbench · 03/12/2021 19:57

I remember clearly at 6 weeks being upset that DS was asleep in a different room to me and going getting him. I just wanted to be next to him all the time.

BurbageBrook · 03/12/2021 19:57

Your partner is being an absolutely selfish prat. Your hormones right now are telling you to be near your baby. He is outrageous to make you feel bad about this when you have given birth two weeks ago.

WrongWayApricot · 03/12/2021 20:09

Yanbu OP, he can bond with baby inside the house. I think it would be better to start (when you're ready) with baby and dad at home while you go out. Then you decide how long you're okay with it and come back whenever you like. Maybe a minute, maybe more.

Gretaburley · 03/12/2021 20:26

It’s bizarre, puppies and kittens stay with their mums for at least 8 weeks. No one would dream of taking them out for a couple of hours away from their mum.
They’re not even touched for the first 2 weeks.

Gotaearnabuck · 03/12/2021 20:32

Agree that he needs to respect what OP wants - the baby only 16 days and there plenty of time walks and rest but what i dont get is the posters saying "this is a red flag" and "whats he up to" - sounds like he just wants to take the baby round to the shop not for a night on the tiles

AliasGrape · 03/12/2021 20:53

It’s weird how people who are so keen to ‘stand up for’ men’s/ father’s rights here also have such low opinions of them at the same time - like because he can’t take a 2 week old baby for a walk in December on his own then obviously in a few years he won’t be doing any childcare - because that’s the ONLY way to bond. If a man was so bloody petty that my biological instinct to be near my newborn wounded his fatherly pride to the extent he refused to do any childcare for the next however many years, well I hope I’d have more sense than to procreate with such a dickhead but if I did, no way would I be thinking ‘oh it’s probably my fault for not wanting him to go out for that walk with her back when she was still so small we didn’t have a snowsuit tiny enough and it was the middle of winter’.

I’ve worked out DD would have been about 4 months before my husband took her out without me, nevertheless he manages to be an active and involved dad and he has bonded with her just fine. To be fair by 16 days I hadn’t taken her anywhere without HIM either (apart from the first week we were in hospital and DH could only be there at visiting times). I managed to bond with DD fine too even with another adult around.

In fact absolutely none of my bonding came from pushing her about in the pram to be honest, that was mostly what I did when the sleep deprivation was threatening to tip me over the edge and listening to podcasts on my phone and drinking tea in a travel mug whilst walking round and round the local park was what counted as ‘me time’ - certainly not a bonding experience.

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