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This is my life in my 30s, it’s not normal is it?
217

Tyiipp · 02/12/2021 17:31

How do I change?

Wake up, login from bed after not sleeping most of the night/waking up regularly

Work from bed all day, try and eat healthily with some fruit and veg but skip breakfast.

Sometimes drive to the shop at lunch.

House is a mess as nobody sees it.

Weekend I go to meet friends if any are free. I’m often known to stay in bed all day if nobody is free.

Some nights I go to yoga.

I feel like I’m already dead. I hate my life. When in relationships I’m so much more engaged with life, house proud, energetic. I feel awful.

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freeatlast2021 · 02/12/2021 19:37

I think that having a regular routine is most important. I know most of us think that in order to change our life for better we have to make a big difference, something substantial, very special, something amazing, but it is little things that make big difference.

I have been working from home too because of Covid and it seriously messed with my head. I love to dress up, make up, socialize and not being able to do it is hard. At the same time I was going through some really hard times personally and knew that I could easily slip into depression so I started doing literally everything I could think of to help my self stay sane.

I wake up at 6am, take a shower, wash my hair, meditate for 30 min, take my dog out for about 30 min, come back and make breakfast for my kids (sometimes myself, but I really cannot eat breakfast, so that is hard), work at the designated office area in my house. I even started reading bible ( i have never read it before in my life) each morning one page before mediation. I take yoga classes twice a week, I pray every night before going to bed and think of something I am grateful for, go for longer walks at least once over the weekend, try to see people at least once a week if not more...

Like I said what I think is most important is having a routine and doing it every day. I find that if I skip one thing it totally messes up the whole system. In your case, I think, most important thing to do right now is get out of the bed in the morning and perhaps take a shower. It really does help to start your day off on the right foot.

BTW 30's are the best. I do hope you learn to enjoy it. Good luck and take care OP.

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sjxoxo · 02/12/2021 19:45

You absolutely need a routine!!
Set an alarm and get up.
Get a cup of tea/coffee, food, watch some news.
Have a wash and get dressed.
Work (not in bed!)
lunch / some fresh air
work (not in bed)
Dinner/activity

…Could you walk someone’s dog?? They provide an excellent routine; honestly without our pups I’d be terrible at having any structure if I wasn’t at work.

Also do sort your house out- for yourself. Take pride in it. Make it nice for yourself.
Start small- one room, and write a list of tasks; like
Wipe surfaces / dishwasher / vacuum / clean windows etc. Then tick these off one by one.

Pull yourself out of this rut, I think you’ll feel a thousand times better! And when you’re on your way, treat yourself- new hair, outfit, nice things for your home.

Xxxxx

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Musttryharder2021 · 02/12/2021 20:45

Other than a routine what I feel the Op needs is some actual regular human contact. Those who have partners/husbands/even children do not understand what it feels like to be deprived of a basic human touch/physical contact.

@Tyiipp

Do you live far from family??

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Sweetchocolatecandy · 02/12/2021 20:54

I agree with the above poster, I think what you really need is a) routine and b) human contact. I have worked from home since the pandemic and I have had to force myself to get into a routine by getting dressed, working at a desk etc. but there are still days I don’t leave the house and feel myself sliding into depression. I have actually opted to go back into the office after Christmas for a better routine and notecards social contact as I personally don’t think being in isolation constantly is healthy. Can you do something similar with your job or look for a job that’s office-based to enable you to get out of the house and see people?

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Sweetchocolatecandy · 02/12/2021 20:55

*notecards?! Should be ‘more social contact’.

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Hopefullywaiting01234 · 02/12/2021 21:01

I could have written this post! I have also been WFH since the pandemic and feel like there is days I have zero motivation. Some days I also work from bed, others the dining room, others my office depending on how motivated I feel.

I am not sure how you find it but my back and pelvis have been sore since I started WFH and I am sure it must be my posture when on the bed.

I have started to go into the office maybe 1/2 days per week and I feel better when I am in there - is this an option you have? X

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User17273637373 · 02/12/2021 21:18

I can see myself this time last year in your post (I’m 29).

So I decided fo make a real effort to not let it carry on. I’m realistic in that I push myself but also accept there will be bad days. I would only say I work from bed maximum once a month if I’m feeling tired/down etc.

Here is my routine, which may help you if you wanted to follow a similar one:

6-7am - wake up and shower, make bed, skin care, perfume. If I’m up a bit earlier, I will potter around/put a wash on etc.
7:30 - empty dishwasher from the night before. Might pop the hoover around my flat after. Just general tidying so the flat is really clean and organised before I start my working day. This puts me in a much better headspace!
9 - start work
10- breakfast
12-1 - break for lunch (if I can). Take a walk in the daylight, I find excuses to go out now. So for example I don’t do everything in one day - I will pick up milk one day, go to the pharmacy the next.
5:30 - finish work. Put a nice healthy dinner on. Might need to carry on working but I feel like putting dinner on early means I will eat something healthy rather than leaving it late and eating something quick (pizza etc).
7- clean up and fill dishwasher
8pm - recently started working out, yoga, stretching
9pm - skincare, candles and in bed with a movie or book Smile

I know it sounds a bit boring but I think having some structure does help.

I spend a lot of time alone so I sympathise. I really feel like I’ve lost my spark recently, but building it back up slowly. I hope you feel better soon! Xx

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AliceAldridge · 02/12/2021 21:20

I have been a bit like you at times and a routine helps, but it doesn't have to be a get up at 6am one. Just a get up and get dressed one helps. I set my radio alarm for 7.30 and get up around 8 to get coffee. Clean clothes help you get dressed. Do a washing load every other day. Don't work from bed. Only work between certain hours. Get out for a half hour walk every day. Try to organise a mid week social thing (coffee) too. Getting things ticked off your list at home as well as work will make you feel good. If you actually like being at home, take up a hobby from home. Follow people on SM who inspire you.

You can do it OP! Life isn't over just because you WFH and are single.

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RobotValkyrie · 02/12/2021 21:23

Find what really keeps you alive.

For me when I had PND (and lost my job and lived away from all my friends and family), that was:

  • going for a walk just for the sake of it, look at the trees, listen to the birds, look at the sky, let your brain go through whatever thoughts may pop up, and come back home, oddly refreshed
  • listening to music and songs that resonate with my mood, no matter how gloomy or angry or bored, and sing your heart out and dance along, letting it all rip till you're done

    After a while I started feeling like myself again, I was able to actually have goals, make plans, etc.

    May work for you, or maybe something else (e.g. watching Bob Ross joy of painting and having a go at it yourself, doing Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube, etc.). But something that gets your body moving (and your heart feeling) is preferable. Don't try and fix your mood. Better practice mindfulness: dive in and accept how you really feel, then move on.

    On the other hand, if an activity generates toxic "circular thoughts" or repetitive behaviours, try and avoid it (for instance, "doom scrolling", i.e. spending way too much time checking the news, or constantly refreshing social media, etc.)
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FrazzledY9Parent · 02/12/2021 21:31

Ah, OP, you poor thing! You sound really down. I also found that I really lost motivation and my sense of myself working from home. I don't think most of us are designed to be on our own on a screen with no human connection all day. Luckily I am back in the office 2-3 days a week now and I feel loads better. (Appreciate this may not be an option for you.)

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the suggestions of things to do, there is a book called Tiny Habits that you might find useful.

I also agree that having a chat to your GP would be good . And do you have a friend you can confide in? When I was feeling low during the pandemic and shared it with a friend I felt so much better.

Sending you a big hug and reassurance that this will pass and life will feel so much better again.

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AngelinaFibres · 02/12/2021 21:34

My daughter in law is training for a half marathon because she works from home and wanted a goal to make her get up and out and get moving. She didn't feel comfortable about running at night so she sets her alarm for when daylight is just coming and goes for a 5 km run around Cardiff Bay. On beautiful ,mornings she stops and breathes and takes in the view. She often sends us a photo. They are very uplifting. She says the start to her day makes her feel amazing and sets her up for the rest of the day. She isn't an athlete she just likes how it makes her feel. If you didn't fancy running could you get up ,put on some joggers and a coat and go out for a walk to get you heart rate up and your blood pumping. Come home , shower, put on work type clothes , eat something healthy. I bet you would feel fantastic.
If your job doesn't involve weekends why not spend this weekend sorting your home out. Change the sheets, clear up stuff thst isn't where it should be ,set up a work space and shop for nice food. Set Monday as the day your new life starts.

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Porfre · 02/12/2021 21:34

You need s reason to get out of bed everyday.

I know without my job and kids I'd probably be the same too.


Rather than having a kid. Do you think youd be able to take care of a dog?

It would need regular walks outside and would get you more active, but only do this if you think you would be able to care for a dog properly.

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FrazzledY9Parent · 02/12/2021 21:35

"If your job doesn't involve weekends why not spend this weekend sorting your home out. Change the sheets, clear up stuff thst isn't where it should be ,set up a work space and shop for nice food. Set Monday as the day your new life starts." Lovely idea @AngelinaFibres

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EarthSight · 02/12/2021 21:38

@Tyiipp

I don’t know how to get routine anymore. I feel like my life is lost *@Fidgety31* where do I start? I don’t have to go into work and I literally lie in my night clothes all day. Some days I have a quick rinse and don’t even wash as I don’t see anyone. I’m so miserable

It seems like you're one of the people who needs external motivation - not a good type to either be jobless or working from home.

My advice would be to volunteer, especially something to do with helping other people. So doing vulnerable people's shopping, soup kitchens, that sort if thing. Somewhere you will feel obligated to go back.
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CSJobseeker · 02/12/2021 21:43

I think getting showered and dressed in the morning is really important. It wakes you up, makes you feel ready for the world, even if you're not going outside.

How about step 1 - shower, dress and go to work somewhere other than your bed. Any table or surface would do, but not bed. Try to maintain that for a week before thinking about your next step.

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LunaTheCat · 02/12/2021 21:44

You sound very depressed if you are not even showering.
You need to make an appointment with your GP initially.
Write a plan down for the day. - even just one to two things to make you feel good - a 10 minute walk or reading besides a candle.
Make a shower or bath a rice ritual - some nice soap and body moisturise.
Ring a friend or neighbour - let someone in your life know what is happening to you.
Xx

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AngelinaFibres · 02/12/2021 21:48

I watched a set of videos recently about dealing with depression One of the the methods being suggested was to do something every day that a non depressed person would do. The young woman making the videos chose a different thing to do each day. Things like doing the washing up, drying it all and putting it away. A depressed person would just bung more and more dirty stuff in the sink until it became too huge to deal with. A non depressed person will deal with it as they go along. Same applied to gardening, sorting the bins out ,whatever. She really found it helpful .Perhaps for you it's getting up,making the bed and having a shower. You are not a depressed person you are a person who is ready to take on the day.

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LuneyTunes · 02/12/2021 21:58

Rather than drive to the shops, walk the most scenic way you can, even if it adds a few miles and you need to look on a map, of you've got a park or any greenery nearby. A lovely crisp walk with some winter sun on your face should help you feel refreshed & give you time to think of a routine and put a plan into action.

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NotMyCat · 02/12/2021 23:30

The other thing I do when I'm in a good routine is spend 30 mins a day cleaning/tidying
I put some music on and do whatever needs doing and it means you aren't left with a massive amount of stuff to do. Weekdays only, I don't clean on weekends Grin

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BlueBellsArePretty · 02/12/2021 23:39

One thing that helped when I was working from home last year to stop me padding about in my dressing gown all day was to look out clothes every evening for the next day and put them in the bathroom. It just made it easier to get up, shower and dress.

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Ayeshstar2020 · 03/12/2021 00:06

OP I haven’t read the whole thread but thought it REALLY important to say please get checked out for an underlying medical condition first. I was like you - in bed all day, exhausted. Family thought it was depression. Had a blood test at the doctor and transpires I have Hashimotos thyroiditis. Six months of treatment I am out of my bed all day, exercising and out and about as much as poss in the pandemic circumstances.

Please go to the doctor & rule out underlying conditions. Note, if your thyroid hormone (mainly something called TSH) is only slightly above the reference range (at least what they term “sub clinical”) you just absolutely insist for an additional antibody test which will show whether you have the autoimmune thyroid issue and require medication even if only sub clinical.

Sorry to be forceful but this sounds exactly the position I was in. People said oh you are depressed, single, just get a routine but it was an underlying MEDICAL issue

Best of luck

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Ayeshstar2020 · 03/12/2021 00:09

I would add to the above that I still need to be proactive and motivated but that was almost impossible in the fog of ill health. Now I can at least force myself into a positive and joyous routine

Also FYI I was severely underweight (rather than the expected weight gain) with this disease…. Just in case that’s relevant for you

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Touty · 03/12/2021 00:10

Yes I just want to say that I feel the same op. WFH and struggle to get out of bed. Lots of fatigue and lack of motivation.

But I also have an under active thyroid and I have felt improvement since starting treatment.

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Dancingonmoonlight · 03/12/2021 00:18

I could easily be you if I didn't have children.

I feel very differently when I get up, get dressed and go out for a quick walk, drive to a coffee shop for a takeaway coffee - anything. Tbh doing the school run is my saviour.
There are days that DH does the school run and once they have left the house, I go back to bed with a coffee, still in my pjs and snooze until its ten minutes before I have to log on. I feel sluggish and completely different on days like this. I don't bother brushing my hair, finding clothes that I enjoy wearing. Its like I'm sick when I'm not.

I don't allow myself to do that anymore. I get up, get dressed and leave the house either to do the school run or go for a short walk. That makes the world of difference to my day,.

My day has to be broken up into segments in order for me to feel like I have accomplished anything. Otherwise I get into an unhappy rut.

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EssexLioness · 03/12/2021 00:30

You sound like you may be depressed. Please consider seeing your GP. And for goodness sake do not go and get a dog as PP advised. That is terrible advice as it is no guarantee you will feel better and they are a big responsibility. No pet should be bought for such a reason - it is unfair on the animal. If OP remained unmotivated and inactive then that would be a terrible environment for a dog who needs attention and exercise. Honestly the mind boggles at people who think getting a pet is the answer to everything. Animals are not just commodities for us to use as we see fit. A child would also need caring for, taking outside etc but I don’t think anyone would suggest the OP getting pregnant would be the answer to her prayers 🙄

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