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This is my life in my 30s, it’s not normal is it?
217

Tyiipp · 02/12/2021 17:31

How do I change?

Wake up, login from bed after not sleeping most of the night/waking up regularly

Work from bed all day, try and eat healthily with some fruit and veg but skip breakfast.

Sometimes drive to the shop at lunch.

House is a mess as nobody sees it.

Weekend I go to meet friends if any are free. I’m often known to stay in bed all day if nobody is free.

Some nights I go to yoga.

I feel like I’m already dead. I hate my life. When in relationships I’m so much more engaged with life, house proud, energetic. I feel awful.

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Kissimirri · 12/12/2021 21:35

Sending a handhold OP. I empathise a lot, I’m 34, I am diagnosed with depression and recognise many of the behaviours and feelings you write about. Medication, counselling, routines, and exercise have all helped me at various times in my life. Frankly I think it’s a lifelong battle and I envy people who have what I would describe as ‘normal’ brain chemistry.

I also recognise the ‘being on top form’ for other people. Sometimes I think of it a bit like a mask that I put on to go to work or out to see friends - and then at home, by myself, the mask comes off.

I hope you are OK and hope you feel a bit better soon. As a previous poster said it’s not an easy state to spring out of overnight, but baby steps day by day. Small treats and rewards for yourself go a long way, and trying to talk to yourself as you would a good friend.

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Scandisaurus · 12/12/2021 18:22

How was your weekend op?

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ravenmum · 09/12/2021 18:24

It would be a miracle if you overcame depression within a few days by following some advice about getting more fresh air etc. (I'm guessing you ignored the advice about speaking to your GP.)
Normally, it takes weeks for the medication to have an effect. Then months for the therapy to begin to work. And - depending on the cause of the depression - possibly years of further therapy before you see a lasting turn-around that really changes your life in the long term.

Thinking that you've failed because you haven't beaten it on your own after a week is like being annoyed with yourself for not managing to get a degree in physics despite getting out three library books.

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Plopcorn · 09/12/2021 17:29

@Tyiipp it’s nothing to be ashamed over. You did better, and you can do it again. Baby steps. You are not a failure. There are some really shitty people in this world who are a failure, even if they don’t think so themselves.. You certainly don’t belong to them. Did you manage to put some sheets on your bed?

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Tyiipp · 09/12/2021 17:13

@Plopcorn I’m ashamed to say I had a bit of a breakdown last week and had to take a couple of days off work.

I was doing a little better after doing some of the things on this thread but now feel set back again and a bit of a failure.

Thank you for asking Flowers

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Plopcorn · 09/12/2021 17:09

How are you op?

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Kirst26 · 06/12/2021 07:17

@me4real good shout. I usually listen to podcasts or youtube videos while I walk, Whatever helps!

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Boymum90 · 05/12/2021 20:38

Sorry it’s my first time in here and I hadn’t realised what I had done until it was posted

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Cheeseandlobster · 05/12/2021 20:35

@Boymum90

So I’m needing some advice from anyone who has step children

Me and my partner have been together 3 years on and off he has an 8 year old I have a 5 year old. I’m wanting to progress and hopefully live together however since our relationship begun (2019) I have become I’ll and mover to my mums house 30 miles away. My question is should my partner expect me to uproot my son from school to live with him or should we both compromise and live somewhere in the middle. He sees his son 3 nights a week

You need to create your own thread rather than hijack someone else's. Good luck
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Boymum90 · 05/12/2021 20:29

So I’m needing some advice from anyone who has step children

Me and my partner have been together 3 years on and off he has an 8 year old I have a 5 year old. I’m wanting to progress and hopefully live together however since our relationship begun (2019) I have become I’ll and mover to my mums house 30 miles away. My question is should my partner expect me to uproot my son from school to live with him or should we both compromise and live somewhere in the middle. He sees his son 3 nights a week

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Paganfreya1988 · 05/12/2021 19:50

First major thing is book an appointment with your Doctor, explain everything you feel about yourself, or not feeling. This sounds like depression. We all get into ruts sometimes, and certainly lockdown hasn’t been kind to many. Have you any family or close friends that you are close to for support?

Once the GP has seen you he or she may give you tablets, but these will take a while to start working, some better than others, so where tablets are concerned, it’s trial and error, not a quick fix. The GP may prescribe a mild sedative like a low dose of zopiclone for a few days. However having worked in the medical profession for 40 years +, zopiclone only lasts four hours a night. Other things that may help you sleep is a bath half an hour before bed, hot chocolate, or read. Say to yourself I will get up, and I am going to do something good today. Yes you can clean your house up, but the main thing is your health, cleaning isn’t going anywhere, but your self esteem is. In your town or city where you live, there are organisations that can help you with depression and groups to join. Even typing on here, is like the first step for you. You need help, so now you know what to do. You mentioned working at home, are you happy with your job? If mundane, try to apply for other jobs, although in this climate it is hard. But at least you will be able to see people and interact.

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mathanxiety · 05/12/2021 19:46

The way you are experiencing comments from colleagues, friends, and supermarket cashiers is based in shame, @Tyiipp.

I really urge you to see your GP and tell him or her how low your mood is and how difficult you are finding things. I think anti depressants could help.

You could also try counseling to get to the bottom of how bad you feel about yourself and how you ruminate over little things people say to you. Does your employer fund counseling? If not, you should still try to get a counselor/therapist, even if you have to pay out of pocket.

These dark days of mid winter can cause seasonal affective disorder too (aka SAD) - do you have a natural light therapy light?
www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/gadgets-tech/best-sad-lamps-light-therapy-seasonal-affective-disorder-lumie-how-to-treat-a6839106.html

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ravenmum · 05/12/2021 19:11

I’m worried work have picked up on how sad I am.
A good boss would notice and care about the people on their team. And if they're not a good boss, and more worried about you not being on the ball, it's still useful to you to realise that you are actually so depressed people can see it from your expression and body language.

Don't know if I've missed it, but I don't get the impression you've reacted to the idea that you could be depressed and need medical help? All these symptoms, such as everything seeming hard, not getting any pleasure out of positive things, feeling anxious, etc. are typical signs of depression. A routine is useful with depression, but outside help and medical advice is more important.

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GroovesintheHeart · 05/12/2021 13:54

Date sounds positive OP.

Agree that routine would do you the world of good. Could you get a pet? They force you to get up, tidy, walk/feed them at particular times. It has helped me sort my life out.

If not, borrow my dog is great.

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Momijin · 05/12/2021 11:47

It's good you had a lovely time and I wouldn't want to kiss someone I'd just met, no matter how nice he is. It takes time to build a connection.

Are there any hobbies you would be interested in doing that gets you seeing the same people regularly so you become friends? Eg am dram. Dancing. Hiking. Badminton. Art etc

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Comtesse · 05/12/2021 10:08

You don’t sound very well OP Flowers
Def talk to GP - does your work have an Employee Assistance Programme? Counselling might be very helpful.

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Tyiipp · 05/12/2021 10:01

Thanks. Date was nice, he seems nice. He tried to kiss me and I didn’t want to though…felt a bit overwhelmed by it! He drove me home which was nice.

I definitely think a routine would help. I’m just so lonely.

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JustThisLastLittleBit · 05/12/2021 09:45

If work have picked up on you being ‘nonplussed’, perhaps they can offer you some support eg working in the office more?

When are you seeing the GP?

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FuckYouCorona · 05/12/2021 00:22

Just read the entire thread OP. Hope the date went well. Flowers

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Cheeseandlobster · 04/12/2021 17:13

Good luck on your date!!! I always dread weddings. I can't wait til they are over but yet when I go I love them and have an amazing time. Maybe your date will be like this and at least it won't be an anti climax. Like someone else said above though, make sure he is right for you and don't take it further if he isn't just for the company. I have done this myself in the past and its never a good idea.

Have you thought about buying a sad lamp for the dark nights? That might help?

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Tyiipp · 04/12/2021 16:47

Thanks @Cheeseandlobster

I’ve got myself ready for this date but not massively in the mood! Keep thinking about my ex even though that was a complete dead end and completely the wrong sort of person to peruse.

It’s the dark nights that are awful too. It’s like this horrible impending doom.

I’m worried work have picked up on how sad I am. I was told the other week that I seemed very nonplussed about life.

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Cheeseandlobster · 04/12/2021 15:42

Ah you sound like you have anxiety too lovely. Overthinking is a huge part of anxiety.

I am very similar. What has worked for me is just doing 10 mins exercise a day at the start. I do hiit training - there are loads on YouTube - and you dont need anything. I do it in my underwear. Then I feel like I have achieved something.

If I am feeling overwhelmed with cleaning I play 4 songs on Spotify that I love and I say I will just clean until the songs are over. Or I clean in TV ad breaks. You can get loads done!

I dont know where you live or what your budget is but could you get yourself to Primark or a big Asda or Tesco. Treat yourself to some new bedding, a couple of towels, some new pj's and some nice smelling candles and bath foam. You might enjoy treating yourself to these things.

Also when I struggle to sleep which is often I allow myself a half dose of night nurse to give me at least 1 good nights sleep a week. I know it's not meant for that but it works for me.

Keep posting here. This thread is so supportive minus a couple of posts and is probably helping lots of us

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Kosmin · 04/12/2021 15:17

@HaveringWavering

Don’t you have to do video calls for work? Do you not have a line manager who needs to speak to you now and again?

When I WFH I find that at the very least making my top half presentable (nice top, makeup, styles hair) makes all the difference to how I feel and makes me work more effectively too.

Sounds like you possibly need a new job- you can’t be very inspired by it, or take much pride in it if you are content to do it from bed every day.

I'm in a similar position to the OP. Everyone in our office has been WFH 100% due to the pandemic (we were only allowed back into the office a few weeks ago! And I think most of my colleagues will work in the office 1-2 days per week max. My manager has said she will come in once a fortnight). We've only done video calls a handful of times and I probably only speak to my manager every few weeks. Sometimes I'd make sure I was presentable if I had a call, but most of the time someone would just have some questions about some spreadsheets I'd been working on and would be sharing their screen, so there isn't really any need.
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Pinksloth · 04/12/2021 13:53

@Tyiipp

Thanks *@Momijin* that’s so nice of you to say

*@Pinksloth* what makes you say that about being kind to myself? Just wondering as it’s a comment that was made a work and I didn’t think I’d come across that way but clearly I do ..

Just reading your last post about constantly questioning whether you're doing things to a high enough standard, and believing that people are thinking badly of you or talking about you in a negative way. And also the fact that you make the house nice when you're in a relationship but don't think you're worthy of making the house nice just for you.

That sounds like someone with low self esteem. And often people with low self esteem have negative self talk which feeds into the low self esteem, so it's a vicious circle. That's why I thought therapy might be good for you because you'd have an impartial person, who's on your side, who's trained to help you to work through your negative thought process, help you to build better connections, to feel better about yourself.

Quite honestly I just want to give you a big hug, buy you some lovely sheets, clean your kitchen and take you out somewhere fun. THAT'S what you deserve. But you need to be able to start to believe that so you can start making the changes you need. Flowers
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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/12/2021 12:18

You are holding yourself up to very high (impossible) standards. You also seem to partly define your worth by whether or not someone else loves you eg in a relationship.

You need to see that you are a good and valuable person just as you are.

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