This is my life in my 30s, it’s not normal is it?

[Tyiipp]

How do I change?

Wake up, login from bed after not sleeping most of the night/waking up regularly

Work from bed all day, try and eat healthily with some fruit and veg but skip breakfast.

Sometimes drive to the shop at lunch.

House is a mess as nobody sees it.

Weekend I go to meet friends if any are free. I’m often known to stay in bed all day if nobody is free.

Some nights I go to yoga.

I feel like I’m already dead. I hate my life. When in relationships I’m so much more engaged with life, house proud, energetic. I feel awful.

@sheenapunk I’m going all out on this and saying that she is depressed because of her lazy attitude. I think that’s plausible. There has been no mention of clinical depression or anything more serious than being very, very fed up. It’s a bit chicken and egg over what caused what, but at least OP is showing a desire to change, so all is up for grabs.

Getting out your bed would be a start.

Get up earlier have a shower. Put clothes on maybe make up. Go for a walk. Come back make breakfast or have some fruit and a drink. Then log into work somewhere other than your bed. Can you occasionally work from a coffee shop or going into work!?

If you can’t get up early have a lunchtime walk. Fresh air and movement is important. But a shower would wake you up.
Can you arrange to meet friends in the week after work? Just for a coffee or chat?

If not can you arrange something for yourself to do. Like going out to yoga or even a gym/class. I’ve started painting loads of beginner classes on Tuesday tube it helps occupy my mind. I have other hobbies too.

As for your house instead of staying in bed working. Make your bed. Do a small job in the house each day after or before work. You’d be surprised how quickly that helps. Wash up and wipe the kitchen at least once a day. Before you go bed is ideal as it’s nice getting up to a clean kitchen.

Honestly small changes to how you live will help improve this. Another consideration is talking to a doctor about possible depression?

Where I live there are now places you can rent a hot desk. So everyone is doing different jobs but they go into the building and do their day and have a coffee together etc. Why don’t you book into something like that? Have a routine. Work from that kind of office 10-3 every day?

Or do a morning aqua or spin class at 6.30am so it gets you up.

I remember in the period after my dad died my life was very devoid of routine. I would sit up til all hours, sleep in really late, wasn't having proper meal times or going out unless I had to. I wasn't working and my dh had taken over with childcare so I had nothing and nobody to do anything for. I needed that break for life to cope with things but it couldn't have carried on.

As pp have said you need to get some routine. Make yourself get out of bed, have a shower and get dressed as if you were going to work. Don't work from your bed, it's so demotivating! Try and get out for a walk on your lunch break. You'll find you sleep better and then feel better during the day. Do a bit of cleaning and tidying everyday. Nothing makes me more deflated than a messy unclean house.

Relationships don't define you, you have to take some control over your own lifestyle. Start with the little changes and they soon add up to big ones.

Don't you at least have to have Teams/Zoom calls? How on earth do you work all day from bed?
Can you make up an easy schedule and buy a fit bit type watch.
Set an alarm downstairs so you have to get up. Go for a quick walk before breakfast. Get a desk and work at it.
Get out for fresh air at lunchtime.
Do 10,000 steps a day, every day for a month. It's a good motivator to go for another walk in the evening.
The less you do the less you want to do so you need to break the cycle

It doesn’t matter how you got where you are or what is causing you to waste your life. What matters is admitting that only you are responsible for your own happiness, no one else. It isn’t someone else’s job to make you happy.

I found I also lost motivation at the start of lockdown and working from home.

What helped me was writing out a daily 'plan' which is really detailed about all the things I needed to do each day and then ticking them off. Kind of like a reward chart for adult children!

I had a list of first thing in the morning things which honestly said 'get out of bed' (set alarm for certain time, get out at this time), wash/have shower, dress for the day, take tablets, feed the cat, decide what's for dinner and check you have this, do packed lunches, put on washing machine and so on.

Then the work sections had work related tasks separately, then there was a list 'to buy' at the shops.

I had a list of meals to cook, a list of friends to contact, and a list of occasional jobs (e.g, put out bins)

I checked my diary and this list every day to tell me what to do.

Sounds ridiculous, and I am a grown-adult with two teens, but I found the endlessness of home working to be really awful, I didn't know when my work day started, I didn't bother getting ready and then felt awful, this helped me structure my day. I also took herbal supplements to lift depression and fitted in a little bit of exercise (steps, classes, music) as well.

It really helped me and now I don't dread working from home. I also don't use the lists really as the habits have embedded and I never lie about on a work day.

Hope this helps you, it is not obvious where work ends and your life starts when you are WFH and being alone a lot is mentally difficult for many, so you are not alone.

Exercise will definitely help! Especially some cardio like a walk, run, cycle, swim etc and try to do it outside when you can, as fresh weather and nature is such a mood lifter. It gets the endorphins going. Can you do a lunchtime walk, or just before work? I find exercise also tires me out so i sleep well at night. Or you could try the couch to 5k programme, or some similar event you need to train for - maybe a hill climb or a cycle ride.
If you really can't get outdoors, home workouts. So many on IG. Or you can get the Sweat app and pick from different trainers and styles.

Definitely echo pp about not working from bed. Can you not create a separate work space? I wfh and work from my living room, basically get up, make my bed and don't go back to it until bedtime. I find if i make my bed really neat and tidy, it stops me from just flopping onto it in boredom.

Weekends - can you take up some hobbies? Where you can meet people and socialise but it also gives you some purpose. There must be some local group you could join.

Sounds like working from home isn’t the best option for you. You need separate working and living spaces and a routine. Would a new sociable job improve your mental health and provide you with a routine?

Invite friends over to motivate yourself to clean and shower. Just trick your brain into healthy habits until you start feeling better...

You need a list. Start simple. Three things for you/the house each day.
Eg. Have a shower and wash face.
Put on clean underwear and clothes
Tidy away a small area.

Repeat the next day and add an extra thing eg hoover one room.

Is it possible to work in the office?
If not I’d change jobs.

Some people can work home easily, but for a lot of people it can be quite difficult.
I think for those who do WFH successfully they often have a dedicated office area and they wake up early and get dressed for work.

Get out of bed.
Make your bed.
Shower.
Get dressed.
Have a cup of tea.
A short walk.
Then log on.

You'll feel better if you do these things every day.

Yoga class is good in the evening and will help you switch off and sleep well.

I think

What about a dog? Makes you have routine then

Why can she do it and not you?
Maybe she's not depressed like OP appears to be?

Tyiipp, speak to a doctor and see what they think. Maybe you need some help.

Hi OP, if it's any consolation, I'm pretty similar. I'm not single which is the only difference! And I don't think not being single really makes a difference to be honest. I think work sometimes takes over and becomes my sole focus and everything else just fades into the background. I find it really hard to organise myself and get a routine - I constantly think next week I'll make plans to do after work or in my lunch break but I very rarely do them.

I always find I feel better if I get up and do stuff but it's finding the motivation to do it.

Could you be depressed? Im prone to depression - sometimes I can accept life the way it is, other times I feel so miserable because of it and how mundane my life is.

OP I would go see your doctor first. Is there maybe depression here? Or a physical issue? I'd rule that out.
For WFH- I did it for a while and I would say you absolutely need more of a routine. Even get up and spend the time you would have spent commuting going for a walk. Prepare healthy meals, and change it up. Soup is nice but if you're having the same thing every day its going to get boring!
Don't work from bed. Make a work space away from your bed. Even if it's the kitchen table. Working in your bed gives you zero separation from work and home which isn't good for your mental health or stress levels.
Are you getting out and about? Even a weekly coffee or zoom call with friends could really help.
Really hope things get better soon OP

Wow I’m taken aback by all the posts thank you so much. I’m going to read each one carefully. Thank you thank you

Just get into some good habits.

Hardly as easy as that! Op sounds depressed

You absolutely definitely need to be up and out of bed and work somewhere else. Once your bedroom becomes associated with work it is then difficult to switch off in there so makes going to sleep more difficult making you more tired.

Tomorrow get up and work somewhere else. Others have suggested changing one thing at a time and I agree with that. But start with a new workplace. Doesn't matter where. Kitchen table. Lounge - on the couch if necessary. But not bed!!

Once you've had a few days in the new workplace start improving the morning routine - get up and get dressed. Teeth need to be cleaned - that's the number one thing that makes me feel better in the morning. Have a shower if you want. I prefer to shower in the evenings to get me warm and relaxed for bed.

Then start adding in things like a walk at lunchtime. Hot chocolate before bed. Maybe rearrange your bedroom to make it more relaxing for when you go to sleep.

Have 2 or 3 evening activities per week planned. That gives you something to look forward to and you have structure the week as well as the all important human contact.

And if these changes don't help, or if you really struggle to implement them, go to your GP to discuss this as it could be depression.

Every night put your laptop in the lounge. Then you have to get up.
I put my phone in the other room. It really does help!

I'm feeling like you, Op. i feel like a dead woman walking. I know I am depressed. I take medication. That is probably the only daily self care act I do. I think you are really courageous to reach out. That is the answer: people. Keep talking and posting. I feel really isolated.