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Original poster

Calling you MEN of Mumsnet

258 replies

bunglebells · 02/12/2021 11:44

Ok, this post isn't to get into a huge ethical debate... but I've actually been wanting to ask it for years. Am assuming it might have been done but I couldn't find it!

Those of you that don't use PORN. Could you tell me why? As in, don't like it, gone off it, ethical reasons, feels wrong, because partner doesn't like it.

So many threads on here about porn. And most seem to end up with women who say their partners don't watch it, being told they're naive. I don't particularly want to get into that debate, but would be very interested to hear if there are men who really really don't, and obviously then, why?!

For the record and upfront. I'm anti I suppose. Prefer not to have it in my relationship. Have experienced relationships where men do, and some where they (allegedly) don't. Of these, some I've believed, others I haven't. But that's besides the point.

Don't want a bun fight, just genuinely really interested and intrigued. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 11:47

And if I get no replies... well BlushConfused

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 02/12/2021 12:03

Why young men?

CSJobseeker · 02/12/2021 12:07

The OP didn't specify young?

Skeumorph · 02/12/2021 12:08

She didn't say young men? Confused

Wherearemymarbles · 02/12/2021 12:12

Sorry, i read you men as young men!

Avarua · 02/12/2021 12:15

[... crickets ...]

RainLol · 02/12/2021 12:18

Men only pop-up here to tell that all men watch porn. End off.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/12/2021 12:29

@RainLol

Men only pop-up here to tell that all men watch porn. End off.
Nah, they lurk on the Sex board and pop up to say porn is of no interest to them because nothing can beat a real woman’s lovely body, before they slide into the DMs of any woman who comments.
Wherearemymarbles · 02/12/2021 12:31

I hardly ever watch it maybe a few times in the last 5 or so years year i dont really know.
My wife doesn't mind and we have watched it together. She would certainly mind if it was daily though.

Reasons i dont? Partly age I think. Porn wasn’t teally accessible growing up and i was around 30 before the internet was available. I did watch more then but that was down to the novelty of it.

Mainly though I just don't find it arousing as the sex represented isnt the kind of sex I recognise as ever being fun or I have really fantasised about.

In latter years I am much more conscious of the ethical side and the harm it does to teenagers and the unrealistic expectations it places around sex.

I wonder if I’d feel the same if I was a teenager today - probably not!

LS1414 · 02/12/2021 12:37

As a woman, I wouldn’t mind my partner watching porn. I’d watch it with him!! Lol I’m confident in myself and porn isn’t a threat to me. I also understand men are full of testosterone it’s Mother Nature for them to release. It’s not cheating it’s totally natural.

Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 12:37

@Wherearemymarbles

I hardly ever watch it maybe a few times in the last 5 or so years year i dont really know. My wife doesn't mind and we have watched it together. She would certainly mind if it was daily though.

Reasons i dont? Partly age I think. Porn wasn’t teally accessible growing up and i was around 30 before the internet was available. I did watch more then but that was down to the novelty of it.

Mainly though I just don't find it arousing as the sex represented isnt the kind of sex I recognise as ever being fun or I have really fantasised about.

In latter years I am much more conscious of the ethical side and the harm it does to teenagers and the unrealistic expectations it places around sex.

I wonder if I’d feel the same if I was a teenager today - probably not!

Thanks for your reply young man 😎
OP posts:
Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 12:39

@LS1414

As a woman, I wouldn’t mind my partner watching porn. I’d watch it with him!! Lol I’m confident in myself and porn isn’t a threat to me. I also understand men are full of testosterone it’s Mother Nature for them to release. It’s not cheating it’s totally natural.
Ok. Individual isn't it.

I'm not a fan.

I'm just wondering about men that don't and why, as opposed to those (men and women) that do and why.

OP posts:
Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 12:41

@Wherearemymarbles

I hardly ever watch it maybe a few times in the last 5 or so years year i dont really know. My wife doesn't mind and we have watched it together. She would certainly mind if it was daily though.

Reasons i dont? Partly age I think. Porn wasn’t teally accessible growing up and i was around 30 before the internet was available. I did watch more then but that was down to the novelty of it.

Mainly though I just don't find it arousing as the sex represented isnt the kind of sex I recognise as ever being fun or I have really fantasised about.

In latter years I am much more conscious of the ethical side and the harm it does to teenagers and the unrealistic expectations it places around sex.

I wonder if I’d feel the same if I was a teenager today - probably not!

And it's interesting as I suppose a second part to my question would be... for men that used to be into it, why are you not now.

And you've answered this for you. Wondering if in general age has an impact on some habits.

OP posts:
Birdsnesting · 02/12/2021 12:42

@LS1414

As a woman, I wouldn’t mind my partner watching porn. I’d watch it with him!! Lol I’m confident in myself and porn isn’t a threat to me. I also understand men are full of testosterone it’s Mother Nature for them to release. It’s not cheating it’s totally natural.
You do understand that most people's objections to porn are ethical rather than whether it counts as 'cheating' or how it makes you feel about your body, right?
Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 12:42

Comtess... really? DM. Grim.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 02/12/2021 12:49

Just doesn’t do anything for me, not my thing, I don’t really have a sexual interest in other peoples bodies, so it wouldn’t be too different to watching any other type of film.

Nothing against porn, just not something I’m into.

Anonnyno · 02/12/2021 13:01

Probably going to sound a bit pretentious here… standard porn doesn’t really do anything for me. Something has to be more “erotic” for it to turn me on, and most standard porn just isn’t. It’s obvious the women are forcing it/acting and there’s no sensuality in just banging away in a variety of poses (and don’t get me started on the violence).

So if I do watch something, it tends to either erotic movies or more amateur media made by consensual couples/women themselves. I’m currently single though, so don’t have access to the real thing!

fantasmasgoria1 · 02/12/2021 13:05

My Fiance says he only watched it now and again when he was single and younger. When he has been in a relationship he hasn't. He doesn't feel the need to. That's what he said.

Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 13:13

@Simonjt

Just doesn’t do anything for me, not my thing, I don’t really have a sexual interest in other peoples bodies, so it wouldn’t be too different to watching any other type of film.

Nothing against porn, just not something I’m into.

Thanks. Did you used to be into it when younger?

When you say no interest in others bodies... assuming you're heterosexual do you mean you're asexual? Or that the bodies have to be attached (if that makes sense) to someone real? Or voyeurism isn't for you?

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 02/12/2021 13:16

I am female and no problem with porn but I know my partners usage has gone down over the last few years. Time, priorities, life that sort of thing, porns just not up there on the list.
I have no doubt that should he find himself in the mood at a convenient time, he, will have a quick watch, but at the moment tik tok or other content is more interesting to him

Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 13:17

@fantasmasgoria1

My Fiance says he only watched it now and again when he was single and younger. When he has been in a relationship he hasn't. He doesn't feel the need to. That's what he said.
Most women would say he does... and lies 😊

To be honest I think this is often, very often, the case. But not always. I have had partners that I believe genuinely don't. I do think many men do tell fibs though, for many reasons. So I'm really interested to hear from men rather than (mine, sometimes too) assumptions about them.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 02/12/2021 13:17

Thanks for this thread, Bungle. It's interesting.

Original poster
bunglebells · 02/12/2021 13:21

@Anonnyno

Probably going to sound a bit pretentious here… standard porn doesn’t really do anything for me. Something has to be more “erotic” for it to turn me on, and most standard porn just isn’t. It’s obvious the women are forcing it/acting and there’s no sensuality in just banging away in a variety of poses (and don’t get me started on the violence).

So if I do watch something, it tends to either erotic movies or more amateur media made by consensual couples/women themselves. I’m currently single though, so don’t have access to the real thing!

Interesting. I can see why mainstream porn might not work for you. I'm assuming the amateur stuff is still porn though? I don't think it's at all pretentious, but is it just a different taste? Good to know that the assumption that's sometimes put forward about all porn use being about watching something violent and degrading is just not true. And that men can be discerning.

And I say that as someone who, broadly, thinks it in all forms is probably more negative than positive.

OP posts:
RainLol · 02/12/2021 13:25

ComtesseDeSpair
”Men only pop-up here to tell that all men watch porn. End off.”
-Nah, they lurk on the Sex board and pop up to say porn is of no interest to them because nothing can beat a real woman’s lovely body, before they slide into the DMs of any woman who comments.

Really? I didn’t know that, I don’t hang around there.
But I do see them here/AIBU singing porn’s praises.
And calling women who don’t like it names.

RainLol · 02/12/2021 13:27

@LS1414

As a woman, I wouldn’t mind my partner watching porn. I’d watch it with him!! Lol I’m confident in myself and porn isn’t a threat to me. I also understand men are full of testosterone it’s Mother Nature for them to release. It’s not cheating it’s totally natural.
Don’t you worry about the ethical part at all?