Calling you MEN of Mumsnet

[bunglebells]

Ok, this post isn't to get into a huge ethical debate... but I've actually been wanting to ask it for years. Am assuming it might have been done but I couldn't find it!

Those of you that don't use PORN. Could you tell me why? As in, don't like it, gone off it, ethical reasons, feels wrong, because partner doesn't like it.

So many threads on here about porn. And most seem to end up with women who say their partners don't watch it, being told they're naive. I don't particularly want to get into that debate, but would be very interested to hear if there are men who really really don't, and obviously then, why?!

For the record and upfront. I'm anti I suppose. Prefer not to have it in my relationship. Have experienced relationships where men do, and some where they (allegedly) don't. Of these, some I've believed, others I haven't. But that's besides the point.

Don't want a bun fight, just genuinely really interested and intrigued.

Thanks for the reply. There are a number of contributors to this thread that say or imply that all porn these days is violent or degrading etc - which is different to exploitative btw- cd be expolitative with no suggestion of roughness. Complex imo though i understand clear cut to some. The porn back in my day lot crack me up too ... if you want to watch a film from 1976 logon and crackon

Cmon pinkbucket, the stats are extrordinary whatever opinions about content or ethics

into all the groups that the male porn stars simply are not

Im not pro porn and think it has massive ethical issues (and is now more mainstream degrading, extreme, and violent towards women than its ever been, but ......

Its actually inaccurate to say male porn actors aren't categorised into groups, because they often are;

Eg

Big dick/cockzilla/whitezilla
Black (there's a entire series/channel of porn called "Blacked")
Body builder/muscle guy

(In gay porn)
Twink
Bottom
Bear
Etc.

@Pinkbucket
Apple is famous for abusive practices in its factories. People still buy the phones. Same goes for half the clothes on our high street People have killed themselves due to abuse and bullying received through Facebook. We still scroll. We know the abuse animals suffer on their journey to our plate. We still eat it.

People are expert at looking the other way as it pleases their preferred lifestyle choices.

@Allsortsofroses

into all the groups that the male porn stars simply are not

Im not pro porn and think it has massive ethical issues (and is now more mainstream degrading, extreme, and violent towards women than its ever been, but ......

Its actually inaccurate to say male porn actors aren't categorised into groups, because they often are;

Eg

Big dick/cockzilla/whitezilla
Black (there's a entire series/channel of porn called "Blacked")
Body builder/muscle guy

(In gay porn)
Twink
Bottom
Bear
Etc.

And notice those catagories are almost all for gay men. I would challenge you to find even one site that has even close to the amount of categories of men ( not aimed at gay men ) that it does women , you won’t

[quote Cam77]@Pinkbucket
Apple is famous for abusive practices in its factories. People still buy the phones. Same goes for half the clothes on our high street People have killed themselves due to abuse and bullying received through Facebook. We still scroll. We know the abuse animals suffer on their journey to our plate. We still eat it.

People are expert at looking the other way as it pleases their preferred lifestyle choices.[/quote]
There are problems with many industries, yes however not one other industry is consistently pulled up for airing child sexual abuse and rape

@Allsortsofroses

The fact you only had three catagories of men aimed at women and the rest were for gay men highlights exactly what I was saying .

Pinkbucket
In much hetero porn the man is often reduced to a hand/penis/buttocks. Should I be upset at this reductive attitude to them as mere body parts?
I suspect porn reflects society and education, the better educated and more empathic people are, the less abuse is tolerated. Ignorance is often quoted as the parent of cruelty.
Addicts aside, the boundaries need to be set in society (and personally) for what is acceptable in porn based on the actors being human beings. Banning attempts rarely work.

@EnigmaCat

Pinkbucket In much hetero porn the man is often reduced to a hand/penis/buttocks. Should I be upset at this reductive attitude to them as mere body parts? I suspect porn reflects society and education, the better educated and more empathic people are, the less abuse is tolerated. Ignorance is often quoted as the parent of cruelty. Addicts aside, the boundaries need to be set in society (and personally) for what is acceptable in porn based on the actors being human beings. Banning attempts rarely work.

I don’t agree that men are treated anywhere close to how women are in porn . In some cases yes they may be just the ‘ dick’ but there’s still a lot where the man is significantly less attractive , fatter older or even his face not shown I actually agree that banning is not the answer . I think what you’re saying about the more educated people are the less that abuse is tolerated abd that does seem like the only answer A quick search on the trouble the porn industry has been in brings up some pretty horrible stuff My main complaint would be that many porn users seem to not care less what’s on the sites they use and have an attitude of ‘ well they are not the particular videos I watch’ so it’s fine If people became more selective about the sites they supported then the sites themselves would be forced to lift their game

@Pinkbucket, I am so sorry. I thought I was commenting on a thread on Mumsnet and I didn’t realise that I had to provide in text citations to support my discussions. Had I realised that I was submitting a research dissertation, I would have taken more time to reference my work.
I imagine threads like these keep you entertained.
@bunglebells, It’s a shame that your thread has been derailed.

[quote Whatliesbeneath707]@Pinkbucket, I am so sorry. I thought I was commenting on a thread on Mumsnet and I didn’t realise that I had to provide in text citations to support my discussions. Had I realised that I was submitting a research dissertation, I would have taken more time to reference my work.
I imagine threads like these keep you entertained.
@bunglebells, It’s a shame that your thread has been derailed.[/quote]
No one was asking for your dissertation I was simply interested to know where you got that information as it’s not the information I have . So defensive , strange
@bunglebells , apologies for going off track . Will step back and hopefully you’ll get some more input from men .

And notice those catagories are almost all for gay men. I would challenge you to find even one site that has even close to the amount of categories of men ( not aimed at gay men ) that it does women , you won’t

I didbt compile an exhaustive list lol.

But i agree most categories a either sex act/type or objectified women types/body parts, I was just pointing put that there are slso categories of men by phyimsucal type, principally by dick size.

Gay porn had an "interesting" parallel with hetero porn in that most of the degrading, sometimes violent and one sided sex acts (gagging blow jobs, anal, one partner being submissive etc) are happening; but with men being on the receiving end. It seems like men who play "bottom" roles in gay porn suffer similar abuse to women in hetero porn.

*physical type

@Whatliesbeneath707
To add , you didn’t ‘ just comment ‘ you stated something as fact
‘ know that men are typically more visual than women ’

We don’t actually ‘ know ‘ that and I wasn’t the only one who pulled you up on that Statement . Don’t get so defensive simply because you were wrong

And notice those catagories are almost all for gay men

But I gave 3 examples of hetero porn categories of men, and 3 of gay porn categories of men

In fact i only really listed two categories of men in gay porn, because twink and bottom are more or less the same AFAIK.

@Allsortsofroses

And notice those catagories are almost all for gay men

But I gave 3 examples of hetero porn categories of men, and 3 of gay porn categories of men

You’re missing the point . There are tens upon tens of catagories of women’s body parts . Can you make tens of tens of body parts men are broken into on any website .

@Allsortsofroses

And notice those catagories are almost all for gay men. I would challenge you to find even one site that has even close to the amount of categories of men ( not aimed at gay men ) that it does women , you won’t

I didbt compile an exhaustive list lol.

But i agree most categories a either sex act/type or objectified women types/body parts, I was just pointing put that there are slso categories of men by phyimsucal type, principally by dick size.

Gay porn had an "interesting" parallel with hetero porn in that most of the degrading, sometimes violent and one sided sex acts (gagging blow jobs, anal, one partner being submissive etc) are happening; but with men being on the receiving end. It seems like men who play "bottom" roles in gay porn suffer similar abuse to women in hetero porn.

Sorry all sorts just saw this , yes agree totally

[quote Pinkbucket]@Allsortsofroses

The fact you only had three catagories of men aimed at women and the rest were for gay men highlights exactly what I was saying .[/quote]
For you think they're aimed at women?

I don't.

I don't think porn sites think any sizeable portion of their users are women, and I don't think the categories (even of men) are for women. I think they feed into male fantasies, perhaps putting themselves in the place of the porn actor.

It's also clear that male porn actors are chosen partly for having well above avg size dicks; I've noticed in the past this could be paired with below avg general looks eg Ron Jeremy, but in recent years they are also above average general looks and often gym bunnies too eg Johnny Sins, Johnny Castle etc

You’re missing the point . There are tens upon tens of catagories of women’s body parts . Can you make tens of tens of body parts men are broken into on any website .

I'm not.

Because my point was not that there are dozens of porn categories by mens types/looks/body parts; only that there are some (against the apparent argument of whoever post i responded to).

Whoever they are aimed at , the point is women become the ‘object ‘ and as you note similar for the bottoms in gay porn

It was yours

@Pinkbucket I can see your point (that the website may well have problematic material on it even if I'm not watching that stuff) and I will give it some more thought. I do think that it would be good for "consumers" to put pressure on these websites to be very very careful about what gets uploaded and to err hugely on the side of caution. I'm happy to join in with boycotting a site if it is clearly not doing enough. I never pay for anything but I guess there are adverts on the site, which again I never click on but the site must still get a bit of revenue.

Private videos being uploaded without people's consent is absolutely sickening and I certainly want no part in supporting that. I can see the argument that this kind of thing is happening partly because we live in a culture where many people think that all-pervasive graphic porn is just normal. Maybe we need to take a giant step back from that in order to help to reset society's expectations.

I’m married and watch porn. I’ve never met a man in my life (35) who doesn’t. Unless they were asexual or have some serious psychological issues I can’t imagine any healthy man not watching porn. It’s totally normal and healthy and nothing for ladies to freak over.

Seems some commentators are upset If some porn depicts sex they don’t approve of or find attractive, ie the rough stuff, but if porn actors are willing to play that out on screen for money I don’t see the problem.
How is that any different than watching two boxers or cage fighters fight for money? It’s their bodies, they’re choice, they’re money and they’re willing to do it on camera for entertainment. No biggie. Just because you wouldn’t do the same or want to watch - doesn’t mean it’s wrong or wrong to watch.

No need for such frigid attitudes, that’s the kind of thing that kills healthy relationships.

Should have mentioned I’m a man.