Calling you MEN of Mumsnet

[bunglebells]

Ok, this post isn't to get into a huge ethical debate... but I've actually been wanting to ask it for years. Am assuming it might have been done but I couldn't find it!

Those of you that don't use PORN. Could you tell me why? As in, don't like it, gone off it, ethical reasons, feels wrong, because partner doesn't like it.

So many threads on here about porn. And most seem to end up with women who say their partners don't watch it, being told they're naive. I don't particularly want to get into that debate, but would be very interested to hear if there are men who really really don't, and obviously then, why?!

For the record and upfront. I'm anti I suppose. Prefer not to have it in my relationship. Have experienced relationships where men do, and some where they (allegedly) don't. Of these, some I've believed, others I haven't. But that's besides the point.

Don't want a bun fight, just genuinely really interested and intrigued.

I watch porn 6 nights a week to destress at the end of my day.
I find it hard to meet women IRL so this is how I scratch the itch.
I count myself lucky I am living in the golden age of porn!

@menarelikeme

I watch porn 6 nights a week to destress at the end of my day. I find it hard to meet women IRL so this is how I scratch the itch. I count myself lucky I am living in the golden age of porn!

So no concerns about the ethics , the frequent abuse of women and girls that the porn sites keep getting caught with. The so called amateur stuff that’s frequently posted without the woman’s knowledge or consent , age , etc How do you go about sourcing ethical porn , or is that not important to you

Ok, this post isn't to get into a huge ethical debate...

@Anothergreatday -please see that the OP is asking for genuine input, and is treating the answers with respect. We can learn something from her questions and the replies.
Don't derail the thread -begin another thread about ethics if you like.

@Anothergreatday none of that even crosses my mind tbh

I find porn dull. Same shit over and over, formulaic and uninteresting.

I prefer science videos on youtube !

[quote menarelikeme]@Anothergreatday none of that even crosses my mind tbh[/quote]
Does it now?

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I find porn dull. Same shit over and over, formulaic and uninteresting.

I prefer science videos on youtube !

You masturbate to science videos? 😂

No, seriously, that's a great reply and gives one some hope.

[quote menarelikeme]@Anothergreatday none of that even crosses my mind tbh[/quote]
Oh gosh. Do you have a partner?

@bunglebells2 no, I'm single...

I am going to guess that a lot of men don’t think about the ethics around porn, unless this was something that was raised and discussed with them.

[quote CupOfNiceTea]@SirNamethofChange
Or anyone else who wants to answer a question:

What do you/is considered ”extreme”?
What’s the cut off from non-extreme to extreme.[/quote]
That’s an impossible question to answer really, it’s like how long is a piece of string
The most basic porn / sex is not much different than the sex scenes you get on TV these days.
I suppose extreme would be moving in to hitting/ spitting/ maybe domination ( but this goes both ways, there is lots of pegging/ femdom stuff about).
Then you get group sex, mmF etc ( but some ppl might like this), then you move onto lesbian porn, some of that is brutal),
Personally I like the private society stuff as it’s more about swinging clubs etc.

@Lady089 when I'm eating a chicken sandwich, I try not to think of the terrible suffering the chicken may have gone through. It's spoils the enjoyment.

@Lady089

I am going to guess that a lot of men don’t think about the ethics around porn, unless this was something that was raised and discussed with them.

My stance on most porn sure changed when I met people who had been abused and filmed or coerced and tricked and filmed and now are left wondering I where those films are now. Although I'd never found anything remotely erotic in sexual violence.

But there may be people who even knowing this are untroubled or can compartmentalise. After all there are plenty of people who abuse who do just that.

"But there may be people who even knowing this are untroubled or can compartmentalise. After all there are plenty of people who abuse who do just that."

And a third option I guess - more than untroubled/don't care or compartmentalise - that it increases their enjoyment. This has to be a thing as why would so many men be involved in that sharing site that was in the news recently. They know it's damaging. That must be the fun in it for them (and not a small number of men).

I'm detailing my own thread now.

@Danceswithwhippets

Ok, this post isn't to get into a huge ethical debate...

@Anothergreatday -please see that the OP is asking for genuine input, and is treating the answers with respect. We can learn something from her questions and the replies.
Don't derail the thread -begin another thread about ethics if you like.

Thank you. There's lots of threads for that. Although it's so intertwined it's hard to not discuss on here. I did really want to test the theory that "every man watches porn" oft mooted here. Or 99% do and the other 1% are lying...

Obviously neither of the above are true. Some men do not watch porn. Either ever really, or as a conscious choice as they've aged.

@bunglebells2

"But there may be people who even knowing this are untroubled or can compartmentalise. After all there are plenty of people who abuse who do just that."

And a third option I guess - more than untroubled/don't care or compartmentalise - that it increases their enjoyment. This has to be a thing as why would so many men be involved in that sharing site that was in the news recently. They know it's damaging. That must be the fun in it for them (and not a small number of men).

I'm detailing my own thread now.

#derailing my own thread

Never been interested in it
I prefer a bag of crisps!

[quote menarelikeme]@Lady089 when I'm eating a chicken sandwich, I try not to think of the terrible suffering the chicken may have gone through. It's spoils the enjoyment. [/quote]
I was going to bring up the meat analogy but didn’t want to de-rail.
For me, meat is similar, people know it’s unethical but still choose to eat it and are able to compartmentalise because they enjoy it, however, some people (me included!) make the connection and make more ethical choices. I believe we can all make more ethical choices but only we can decide ourselves if we make those choices.

@Lady089 the same can be said for our use of plastic, milk and water containers for example. Do we consider the devastation to marine life caused by plastic waste in our oceans? Do we let that stop us?

[quote menarelikeme]@Lady089 the same can be said for our use of plastic, milk and water containers for example. Do we consider the devastation to marine life caused by plastic waste in our oceans? Do we let that stop us?[/quote]
I’m not saying I’m perfect and my decisions make no impact because they do but I’m willing to make my choices more ethical.
For example: I only use vegan face products/household goods, I don’t buy disposable bottles of drink, my milk comes in cardboard cartons, I don’t eat meat, I recycle where possible, I don’t own any leather goods but I make choices that aren’t ethical too like driving a car and contributing to a percentage of plastic waste and many more things I haven’t thought of.
Off course we don’t allow it to stop us but we are given the choice.

@Lady089 what about buying clothes on the High Street, generally made by employees in the most horrendous conditions for a pittance?

[quote menarelikeme]@Lady089 what about buying clothes on the High Street, generally made by employees in the most horrendous conditions for a pittance?[/quote]
I don’t know if you’re trying to find ways to show that not all of my choices are ethical but I’ve already said my choices weren’t all ethical. What I’m saying is we have a choice to make the decisions we make as ethical as we possibly can.

I think meat is a good (ish) analogy. Other ethical Impacts less so as they're externalities of the supply chain. That doesn't make them not important.

I enjoy using my tech but when I think about it am aware that there may be unethical practices involved in the supply chain. I may chose to shop accordingly (or not). I don't enjoy my phone because of the, say, slavery. I do agree that we chose to pick and chose I guess. And we're not always consistent.

With porn, you are consuming the objectification, degradation, exploitation directly. That's the actual product.

Dead flesh is the product of the meat industry.

I agree that it's frustrating to hear vegans (I am one) preach and then say take cocaine (I don't). But, no excuse, I suppose the abuse is further down the supply chain not the thing you actually enjoy.

I also don't think you can say..."well if you have any impact - the plastic - you can't take an ethical stance on porn/dairy whatever...." otherwise we'd all just live in complete moral chaos... wouldn't we?

Left wing right on men and women supporting sex work is a dissonance I struggle with. People who seem to care about equality and injustice but seems to not see why porn may not contribute ultimately to a more equal world.

But, as I said, we all have dissonance. We are all human. Maybe many men don't think about it. Maybe they know deep down... perhaps if they eat meat they feel the same about that. My dad always says that he knows if he ever visited an abattoir he'd stop eating meat. Go figure. Maybe go visit?

Difficult. Ethics. Always. And also now derailing all over the shop. But an interesting convo.

@bunglebells2

"But there may be people who even knowing this are untroubled or can compartmentalise. After all there are plenty of people who abuse who do just that."

And a third option I guess - more than untroubled/don't care or compartmentalise - that it increases their enjoyment. This has to be a thing as why would so many men be involved in that sharing site that was in the news recently. They know it's damaging. That must be the fun in it for them (and not a small number of men).

I'm detailing my own thread now.

Well that is true regarding the enjoyment in the suffering of others for some people (the majority being male gender I think although certainly not all). Something perhaps about power and feeling powerful as well as a sexual excitement from violent porn or knowing or believing or hoping consent was not given. Or just not caring about other people's pain.

But that's not all men, I truly believe that. Although I guess you never know.

@Notsuchaniceguy More people watch porn than Netflix and the vast majority are only interested in the vanilla stuff. To suggest men as a whole enjoy the suffering of others is utter nonsense.