I'm 44 and I have met a guy who is 30 - my daughters are not too happy.

[Cupcake00]

I met him in work. So knew him for about 18 months previous. He has always been so lovely and we always had a laugh when at work. We went on a few dates and since both changed jobs. I was very very apprehensive at first and very aware of the age gap. The more I have got to know him (its been about 10 months), the more I forget about the gap in age. I have dated in the past and I have never met anyone so kind and so caring. I told my daughters 24 and 16 about him a few weeks back and they have now met him. They're not happy at all. To the point my eldest has distanced herself quite a bit. My 16 year old says it's 'cringy'. I now feel more anxious than I did to begin with, when the age concerned me. Is it all worth it. Some friendly advice would be appreciated.

Sorry but your kids are being selfish here.... They are not babies are should be more concerned with their own love lives than trying to sabotage your happiness.

If you like each other, go for it!

I'm with your dds, he is closer in age to your 24yr old.

Hes only 6 years older than your daughter I. Not surprised she doesn't like it I would get the ick factor to.

Do they have to know much about him? I've been seeing a guy for a year and my 17 yeat old ds has met him twice, extremely briefly, although obviously he knows where I am when I go out. Just don't talk about him. If you like him, have fun.

I met dh when I was 41 and he was 31!! Been together 9 years. Married with a dc now.. My dc have never once made a negative comment..
Frankly your dc are very rude.

Your daughters may be being over protective, or they just need time. If they see the relationship going the distance - they’ll come around.
Of course, the elder is reacting to the fact that men his age can also date women her age.

You had your kids quite young - so you can tell them it’s your time to enjoy life for a while.
Realistically - this relationship may not last much past the time he gets to the point of wanting kids. Which he might now not realise.
So - in your place - I’d tell your daughters that he is making you happy right now. So - they should be happy you are happy.
But it may not be a relationship that will last long term, so they don’t need to worry.

I’d also pull them on hypocrisy - men have relationships with younger women all the time - and it’s grossly unfair for them to judge you

I don't think your DDs'reaction is a surprise, but they don't get a say in who you see.

If he makes you happy, go for it. I wouldn't however, be having any attempt at happy families ftb, keep the two things separate .

@Restart10

I'm with your dds, he is closer in age to your 24yr old.

I don't understand why this is an issue though

It's why I'm questioning it all. My eldest is married and has a little girl of her own. My 16 year old is an age where she does her own thing most of the time. I have been single 11 years. They're used to me being alone. My eldest is aware of me dating in the past and not having much luck. I was quite content alone. I think I had given up on finding anyone compatible. This guy seems to be, however he's alot younger.
It's making me feel really unsettled to the point of ending things. I know it would really upset him but I don't want my daughters distancing themselves from me.

Oh and my dd was 23 when I met dh..

Your dds are being unreasonable... particularly the eldest. You're an adult, he's an adult...it's really not their business

So they’d rather you be alone than with someone who makes you happy. Is that what they choose for you? ( this is what I’d be saying to them)

He has a son also and has been quite open about not wanting any more children.
Yes, maybe keeping things separate may be a better idea.

I would be totally creeped out if either of my parents went out with someone that close to my own age. That's a big gap.

I get their worry tbh. You are almost a generation apart. When you are 60, he will only be 46. You will be almost a pensioner, and he will still only be middle aged. He could well end up being your carer.

Harsh I know, and maybe worse case scenario, but I see why they are concerned, and I don't see it working out.

Santaischeckinglists - how did your dd take it?

@GetTheFlockOutOfHere

I get their worry tbh. You are almost a generation apart. When you are 60, he will only be 46. You will be almost a pensioner, and he will still only be middle aged. He could well end up being your carer.

Harsh I know, and maybe worse case scenario, but I see why they are concerned, and I don't see it working out.

60 and 46....omg...! Just imagine!

Seriously I don't think this is such a huge gap. I know couples with a similar age gap. I think if it was the man who was older rather than the woman it would be seen as far more acceptable.

It's sexist nonsense.

Don't end your relationship over your DC's reactions op. You deserve a life too

I'm a nurse, my eyes are open to the fact that it doesn't matter what age one is, one could become the others carer.
It is a big age. One he doesn't feel phased by at all. I have mixed feelings and it's taken me a while to get used to. This has just made me feel more uneasy.

Thankyou Comedycook 😊
Thankyou all for your thoughts 😊

Don’t give up a good relationship- no one would bat a fucking eyelid if it were the other way round, including your DC.
Btw, does your ex have a partner and if so how old

I’ve known a couple of marriages with that kind of age gap. It wasn’t an issue.

You had trouble with the idea at first, give your DC time to adjust and remind them that you too have a right to be happy and it isn’t actually their business. Sounds like they’re being rather rude about it.

End the relationship if you want but don’t do it because of age or because of what other people think. I think you’d regret that and as you can see from basically the entirety of Mumsnet, a good man is hard to find…

Ageist posts on here too. 60, nowdays isn’t old. My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I can kind of see why your dds are uncomfortable with it. But it's your life, they aren't babies and this isn't about him as a person it's about his age. If he makes you happy, he makes you happy.

But I'm a nurse, my eyes are open to the fact that it doesn't matter what age one is, one could become the others carer. - This argument doesn't make sense.

Its far more likey he will be your carer while he is relatively young, than it would be if you were the same age. Of course it can happen at any age. But it's far more likely when one is older.

I don't think it should stop you, but it's not really good argument.

My ex has a partner who is 8 years older than him. They have been together a long time.
I have followed mumsnet for many years and yes, I do see, and I also know by experience how difficult it is to find someone compatible.

Really there is no problem here ever so ever.
Don’t over think it!!!!
Your dd will get used to it. And actually it might be she’s distancing more because she doesn’t have you entirely to herself anymore.
But you are a fully grown adult! And so is he!!!