I'm 44 and I have met a guy who is 30 - my daughters are not too happy.

[Cupcake00]

I met him in work. So knew him for about 18 months previous. He has always been so lovely and we always had a laugh when at work. We went on a few dates and since both changed jobs. I was very very apprehensive at first and very aware of the age gap. The more I have got to know him (its been about 10 months), the more I forget about the gap in age. I have dated in the past and I have never met anyone so kind and so caring. I told my daughters 24 and 16 about him a few weeks back and they have now met him. They're not happy at all. To the point my eldest has distanced herself quite a bit. My 16 year old says it's 'cringy'. I now feel more anxious than I did to begin with, when the age concerned me. Is it all worth it. Some friendly advice would be appreciated.

Seriously who cares? Life is too short. If COVID hasn’t taught anyone this then it’s time to wake up, grab life and make it count.

If I was your daughter I'd be really weirded out to be honest.

Amazed at all the posts requiring intense searching conversations with the daughters!

It’s none of their business. The OP isn’t moving in a stranger to parent them; she is as entitled as anyone else to a private life.

@TheCovidScoorge

He's 6 years older than your daughter. Sorry I wouldn't be to pleased either that's a small age gap between your kids and him, he's old enough to be your daughters boyfriend/husband.

So? I don't get why this is an issue?

Doesn't seem an issue to me. Be with who makes you happy. The children will get used to it.

Thankyou for a mixed response.
Thankyou to those who gave me messages of support.
I was trying to highlight the fact, we can become a carer at any age. I could become his. I could meet someone older/same age and become his. The fact is, I wouldn't stop dating someone because of those thoughts. We wouldn't date anyone!
I'm planning on growing old independently anyway 😊. My nan did until the good age of 95, bless her. Nobody knows what's around the corner. Covid has opened our eyes more, I think. That's probably why I continued to date him. That's what relationships are all about, caring for someone anyway. Also, I know how difficult it is to meet someone genuine these days. I think, I'm definitely going to keep things separate for a while.
My eldest hasn't said she dislikes him. She has just become very distant and makes comments on other areas of my life. A few things she has said to my 16 year old who has come back to tell me.

It's the 16 year old I'd worry about more. She's still figuring stuff out. The older DD is married with a child so ought to have gotten her head round relationships.
Maybe your DDs are being protective of you and showing you they love you rather than being difficult. I'd take that as a compliment.
So why not just take it slow? Compromise and tell them you're keen but not rushing into anything. Tell your new chap that's the deal and see what happens. If he's a good 'un he won't have a problem with that.

If it was an older man with a younger man no one would question it.....

You should be able to enjoy your relationship. Also don't project too much into the future. It might not last but you just enjoy the now.

It is a bit ick, the age gap is less of the issue if you didn't have kids but he's barely older than your eldest.

That said Exh's mum dated and married in just this age gap scenario and they are happy 25 years on but I would say he's old before his time type person. Only issue now is she's retired he's not

It's not ageist to be icked out by your parent dating someone close to your own age. Obviously they can't stop you, and you have your own life to live, but their feelings are just as valid as yours. I'd keep things compartmentalised until you're more established as a couple.

@Cupcake00

Thankyou for a mixed response. Thankyou to those who gave me messages of support. I was trying to highlight the fact, we can become a carer at any age. I could become his. I could meet someone older/same age and become his. The fact is, I wouldn't stop dating someone because of those thoughts. We wouldn't date anyone! I'm planning on growing old independently anyway 😊. My nan did until the good age of 95, bless her. Nobody knows what's around the corner. Covid has opened our eyes more, I think. That's probably why I continued to date him. That's what relationships are all about, caring for someone anyway. Also, I know how difficult it is to meet someone genuine these days. I think, I'm definitely going to keep things separate for a while. My eldest hasn't said she dislikes him. She has just become very distant and makes comments on other areas of my life. A few things she has said to my 16 year old who has come back to tell me.

Do you know for 100% certain it's about your relationship in that case? What if you stopped seeing him and nothing changed re your daughter?

Ignore your DDs OP. If you’re happy and enjoying yourself what does it matter what people think. You only live one. Fill your boots!

I agree with them. He’s more the age someone your oldest daughter could date I don’t blame her for wanting no part of it. I don’t know the circumstances of your divorce but I can’t imagine too many children would be happy with their divorce mother having sex with people who are in their dating pool.

They may accept it a little and still see you but I really think this relationship continuing will irreplaceably damage your relationship with your daughters. To be totally honest it’s probably already damaged it quite a bit, I wouldn’t kid yourself that they’ll becoming accepting of it or anything more than sneakily tolerant.

*snarkily tolerant

The key thing is that you've both had your children. Just enjoy being happy OP.

I was actually with my dd when I met him. She said he seemed not a weirdo so gave us the OK!!
He knew she was my dd. And how many dc I had.
Lots.
We have never had a night apart since that first night except when I had our dc.
Been married 6 years now.

@gannett

It’s not reality that it’s not children business who their parents date. It is, they were once small children being raised by her and their father. If you think her relationships stop affecting them the moment she’s over the dad your dreaming.

He’s more the age someone your oldest daughter could date I don’t blame her for wanting no part of it

Pretty sure the op isn't asking her to be part of it

I don’t know the circumstances of your divorce but I can’t imagine too many children would be happy with their divorce mother having sex with people who are in their dating pool

What absolute judgemental crap.

@MorrisZapp

It's not ageist to be icked out by your parent dating someone close to your own age. Obviously they can't stop you, and you have your own life to live, but their feelings are just as valid as yours. I'd keep things compartmentalised until you're more established as a couple.

No their feelings are not as valid because it's not ther relationship

@NewlyGranny

Nobody is almost a pensioner at 60 thee days! When OP finally retires and gets her pension, her DP will be 56 at my calculation.

About to say this! Pensioner at 60 would be marvellous

OP go for it, he makes you happy. Why would they not want that?

I think that it’s very difficult and not black and white. I dated a lovely man 12 years my senior when I was late twenties and he was early forties. He had had a child young, so his son was in his early twenties. That made me feel like it was too weird when I happened to see them out together (unplanned, he didn’t see me- I just saw them in the supermarket). I ended it saying the age difference was too much.
Less than a year later (still in my twenties) I met a man 13/14 years my senior. No kids.
I married him.

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@gannett

It’s not reality that it’s not children business who their parents date. It is, they were once small children being raised by her and their father. If you think her relationships stop affecting them the moment she’s over the dad your dreaming.[/quote]
And they've now been raised to adulthood/almost-adulthood, with OP staying single for over a decade to do this, so her lovelife is now her concern and no one else's. She's not picking a new dad for them, she's picking a new partner for herself.

They're entitled to their feelings but it's just not polite to heap unnecessary guilt on their mum. They can offload to their own partners, friends or therapists.

This could have been my Mum writing this 21 years ago! Very similar ages!!

My mum and her partner married and are still together. It was odd for us as my partner is only a year younger!

My Mum also got quite determined that he would be named grandad - that was difficult as he was never our stepdad (he’d never brought us up etc) and my husband was more or less the same age!! But as my children have got older they prefer just to call him by his first name.

Over the years he has made it very obvious that he doesn’t like us at all - he can be quite rude. I’m not sure why - it’s not like he ever lived with us! My youngest sibling was 16 and she moved out when she was 18 (she mainly lived with our Dad as he lived near college) It has affected our relationship with our Mum which is sad.

She has recently had a few health scares and would like to retire part time but he feels too young so bizarrely expects her to work until he is ready

Both my parents are with much younger people - not sure if it’s because they had children so young somehow linked to that! They divorced in their early 40’s after nearly 25 years of marriage. I get on well with my dads wife (she is 4 years younger than me!) but doesn’t try to be anything other than my Dads partner and respectful of our relationship as we our of theirs. It’s just my Mums husband who is ‘difficult’ no idea why!

[quote GetTheFlockOutOfHere]@Feelingoktoday

My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I bet they said it behind his back.

Trust me, when you date/marry someone young enough to be your child, people WILL talk behind your back. Yes, they really will..........

You are incredibly naïve if you think no-one said anything about your ex and his new wife. People who knew him would have talked about him, (behind his back,) and people who didn't know him would have thought he was her dad.[/quote]
But once you reach adulthood it is pretty difficult to tell how old anyone is anyway. Who cares if 'people are talking'?? So what?