Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 44 and I have met a guy who is 30 - my daughters are not too happy.

286 replies

Cupcake00 · 28/11/2021 22:05

I met him in work. So knew him for about 18 months previous. He has always been so lovely and we always had a laugh when at work. We went on a few dates and since both changed jobs. I was very very apprehensive at first and very aware of the age gap. The more I have got to know him (its been about 10 months), the more I forget about the gap in age. I have dated in the past and I have never met anyone so kind and so caring. I told my daughters 24 and 16 about him a few weeks back and they have now met him. They're not happy at all. To the point my eldest has distanced herself quite a bit. My 16 year old says it's 'cringy'. I now feel more anxious than I did to begin with, when the age concerned me. Is it all worth it. Some friendly advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 28/11/2021 23:06

Your DC don't get an opinion on this.
Your oldest has her own family and the youngest is close to an adult age.

Live your own life.
Enjoy!!

WhatTimeDoYouCallThis · 28/11/2021 23:13

Hi, I met my partner when he was 25 and I was 16 years older. We met at work and would have a giggle, I did think he was gorgeous. A post work drink was just supposed to be a bit of fun but here we are 20 years later. The best relationship of my life. When we met my daughter was 16 and I did talk to her about it from the earliest stages. They get on just fine, he never tried to be dad, just someone who cares. Yes some people say stupid things but so what, your happiness is much more important x

Seasidemumma77 · 28/11/2021 23:14

My older dc were mortified when they discovered my new DP was 7yrs younger than me (he would have been 12yrs old when I had my first child). Now three years down the line they've accepted he makes me happy and is a wonderful addition to our family. My dc do however love an opportunity to tease me about being a cougar!

Lovemelongthai · 28/11/2021 23:18

Enjoy yourself, life is far too short, decent guys are very hard to come by.

DriftingBlue · 28/11/2021 23:21

You are both old enough that your ages don’t really matter. It’s all about stage of life. If he wanted more kids, it would be a problem. If he is sure he is done, I would say have fun.

There really isn’t any reason to rush to bring him into family life. If it does eventually get serious, your youngest will be so close to launching that you might as well wait for any next steps. So I would just reassure your kids that right now nothing is changing.

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 28/11/2021 23:23

@Feelingoktoday

My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I bet they said it behind his back.

Trust me, when you date/marry someone young enough to be your child, people WILL talk behind your back. Yes, they really will.......... Wink

You are incredibly naïve if you think no-one said anything about your ex and his new wife. People who knew him would have talked about him, (behind his back,) and people who didn't know him would have thought he was her dad.

Momijin · 28/11/2021 23:27

Yuck no,he's way too young for you.

Rangoon · 28/11/2021 23:28

I think your daughters are being deeply unreasonable. They would rather you were lonely at home than go out with a younger man who makes you happy. I'd be ignoring your elder daughter for a while myelf as she is being breathtakingly selfish. She is married with a husband and children so it's not as if she has to put up with him on a daily basis. I mean, what's the big deal with the age gap - would 10 years be okay for her or 5 years. Does she have some formula? Would be she happy that you were going out with a 58 years old if the age gap was going the other way? Anyway, she is not the boss of you. She'll be wanting you in modest polyester and sensible shoes next.

LiterallyKnowsBest · 28/11/2021 23:29

When you are 60, he will only be 46. You will be almost a pensioner, and he will still only be middle aged.

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

Lordy!

AndMatt · 28/11/2021 23:30

[quote GetTheFlockOutOfHere]@Feelingoktoday

My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I bet they said it behind his back.

Trust me, when you date/marry someone young enough to be your child, people WILL talk behind your back. Yes, they really will.......... Wink

You are incredibly naïve if you think no-one said anything about your ex and his new wife. People who knew him would have talked about him, (behind his back,) and people who didn't know him would have thought he was her dad.[/quote]
And that would matter because?

Starseeking · 28/11/2021 23:34

Your DDs aren't being fair to you at all. You've been single for eleven years. They can't seriously be suggesting that you stay on your own waiting for a guy however many years older to come by, especially when they know how happy this man makes you.

I'd just keep the two aspects of you'd life separate for a little while longer, your DDs will come round eventually.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 28/11/2021 23:38

My mum married someone 6 years younger than her but as she was 18 when she had me, he was only 12 years older than me. It felt weird. Your daughters are adults (or close to though), I'm sure they will come round.

oviraptor21 · 28/11/2021 23:39

@Momijin

Yuck no,he's way too young for you.
🤣🤣🤣

I guess you'd be reaching for the smelling salts for a 25 year age gap then - 33 year old guy and 58 year old woman. She's having the time of her life and he looks pretty happy about it too!

AndMatt · 28/11/2021 23:41

It seems to me young adult children almost always take issue with mum's new partner, especially if they've had her all to themselves for a long time. If it wasn't his age it would be something else. It doesn't seem to work the same way for fathers, children like to see him taken care of!

Momijin · 28/11/2021 23:50

@oviraptor21 yes smelling salts at the ready. Grooming, taking advantage etc. Absolutely not right. Let people enjoy their youth, we've had ours. Stop latching over young flesh! It absolutely repels me how older people can go after people young enough to be our children.

SequinsandStiIettos · 29/11/2021 00:00

DIVIDE BY HALF PLUS 7
22 + 7 = 29
He's 30. You win! Grin Wink

SukiPook · 29/11/2021 00:06

My dad's wife is only 4 or 5 years older than me. Honestly it's not a problem, especially the longer that it goes on - they've been together since I was in my late 20s and I'm in my late 40s now. My dad's 20 years older than her. It might have seemed slightly odd at the start but it's just normal to take a wee bit of time to get used to who your parent gets together with. Definitely don't stop seeing him because of that. Your kids will get used to it over time, if you end up sticking with him and he's a good person they will get to like him and eventually won't think about the age gap or will accept it. Just do your own thing with him and don't involve them too much in your relationship with him at this stage. The longer your relationship lasts, the more used to it they will get. Don't sacrifice your happiness over either of your children feeling "icky"!

Phoenix76 · 29/11/2021 00:22

I would imagine your dc would have the “ick” about anyone you met tbh. They’d find a reason to disagree with your choice. Sadly it’s a possibility they don’t want you to be with anyone.

I’d say that nowadays age doesn’t hold the same weight as it used to, plenty of people feel, look, act younger than their years. We all get a short time on this planet and if people find something that enriches it I can’t see a problem.
The only thing that would concern me is if we wanted his own dc, how would that figure out? Other than that a massive go for it from me.

HeddaGarbled · 29/11/2021 00:43

Him and your oldest daughter are of an age when they could be a couple themselves. That’s awkward.

The 16 year old is going to find any new relationship of yours cringy because mum having sex is. Mum having sex with a much younger man is double cringy.

None of this means you have to give him up. They’ll get over it if the two of you last and you don’t rub their noses in it in the meantime.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/11/2021 00:47

[quote GetTheFlockOutOfHere]@Feelingoktoday

My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I bet they said it behind his back.

Trust me, when you date/marry someone young enough to be your child, people WILL talk behind your back. Yes, they really will.......... Wink

You are incredibly naïve if you think no-one said anything about your ex and his new wife. People who knew him would have talked about him, (behind his back,) and people who didn't know him would have thought he was her dad.[/quote]
100% this!

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 00:49

Have you asked your older daughter what the issue is @Cupcake00? Is it just that he's younger or is it that they see something they dint like in how he is? I'm assuming it's unlikely she fancies him and feels awkward if she's hot her own family. I think you need to gently have the conversation with both girls tbh, but agree that you just need to keep it separate for now

Garriet · 29/11/2021 01:19

[quote Momijin]@oviraptor21 yes smelling salts at the ready. Grooming, taking advantage etc. Absolutely not right. Let people enjoy their youth, we've had ours. Stop latching over young flesh! It absolutely repels me how older people can go after people young enough to be our children.[/quote]
Grooming people in their 30s. For heavens sake.

Isbdm · 29/11/2021 01:22

This guy is 6yrs older than your eldest. So it's easy to see her perspective I suppose. Perhaps carry on the relationship in such a way that it is not in their faces and you are not talking about him much. See where it goes - if it fizzles out you won't have to tackle this problem again. If you want to get married etc, you'll have to tackle it - but see how it goes.

NewlyGranny · 29/11/2021 01:25

Nobody is almost a pensioner at 60 thee days! When OP finally retires and gets her pension, her DP will be 56 at my calculation.

Pinkbonbon · 29/11/2021 01:55

If my.mum found herself a toyboy I'd congratulate her on being a total legend.

Tell them to build a bridge and get over themselves.

Although they might be mad because they are worried you'll marry him and they'll lose some of their inheritance.

Swipe left for the next trending thread