At risk of sounding shallow

[stillvicarinatutu]

Would you date a man who was lovely , funny, smart, clearly adored you but is obese .

I ask as I'm meeting someone for a walk and a coffee , it's online dating and this will be our first meeting although we facetime , talk on phone and text , he makes me laugh so much , he's kind, sweet, sharp as a tack , he clearly wants a relationship and is losing weight at a rate of knots - like 7lb over 3 weeks . He put the weight on as he became agoraphobic, but he has overcome this which I think shows amazing courage . He loves clothes and has a fab wardrobe waiting for him when he loses a few stone ....
(He's more into clothes than me ! I'm a high street girl !)
I've made it clear until we meet I've no idea if he's friend zoned or not ....

Would someone being about 5 stone overweight bother you from an attraction point of view ?

I'm not overweight at all. I'm no Kate moss but I've always kept my weight down even when it's been a struggle sometimes.

I am encouraging him with his weight loss because he wants to do it and had already started that journey before we met ....

If he was happy at the size he is I'd not think about it but I'd probably not find him physically attractive either ....

Thoughts please.

The more I read this thread the more bad vibes I keep getting about this man. He sounds hard work OP and you sound like you want to rescue him. Please don't allow this man to get into your car as you suggested earlier. I mean this in the kindest possible way but I really think you need to raise your bar a bit. You've already said you don't want to do the driving and have already said you don't see it working, yet you're continuing to message him and trying to arrange to see him next saturday. Seriously I think you should reconsider this. There are many other people you could date who are significantly less 'complicated'. Are you definitely sure he is single anyway? you are way too invested in this guy that you've never met in person, and this puts you in a vulnerable position.

He just rang to say he will never expect me to do all the work and he can and will get the train .

We've arranged to meet next weekend.

He said if this works out he would consider moving or getting a new car .

I feel like I do want to meet up . I'm maybe making it harder work than need be .

He will move house or get a new car, but can’t manage a cinema ticket? Future faking.

honestly OP, I think this is 'madness' and such hard work for someone you've never met, I really do. but good luck next w/e. but agree with poster about raising the bar. i know its not easy.

I will be careful. He doesn't know my address. I feel like I need to meet up and see .
If I get bad vibes I'll just stop it before it starts .

@MWNA

Why'd you keep saying "I aren't"?

It's obvious what she means, so why take the time to be snarky?

@stillvicarinatutu

He said if this works out he would consider moving or getting a new car .

This is a really big red flag OP! It's a ludicrous thing for him to say before you've even met and should be a big red flag putting you off, not something that reassures you. I worry about your boundaries

He rang me . And now he's sending heartfelt but funny poetry.

I do feel the need to meet . He's a div but so funny .

He's full of shit. Has booked all these things, may buy a car and move house and will do half of the work to see you yet he can't afford a cinema ticket? They're not expensive!

Gosh, this is A LOT.

Well . I'll update In due course .

It’s lucky you weren’t around in Shakespeare’s day. He’d pen you a sonnet and you’d be like “O Will, thouest really are a div most thorough.”
He sent a daft sonnet so I called him a div and he sent this ...
Is it just me cos I find him funny and interesting....
I'll continue with caution.

I don't think anyone is worried that you share the same humour etc, it's more the big red flags re him needing a sort of carer / enabler to function in a few different ways and also making grand statements SO early (before even meeting!!) that he would be willing to move home etc, and that seeming to reassure you rather than put you off.

Great that you have arranged to meet next week, that's the only way you will be able to tell a) if he really is prepared to travel, meet you halfway and b) if you fancy him at all.

If he cries off, can't make it, shows up but looks terrible, anything, just make sure you haven't invested too much early on. Have a Plan B in your head so you are not too disappointed. It is hard out there, I know!

This is like the younger bloke you were talking about last year or whenever. He was writing poetry and doing art stuff.

All sounds crazy over investment to me

@WhoLivesInAHouseL1keThis

This is like the younger bloke you were talking about last year or whenever. He was writing poetry and doing art stuff.

All sounds crazy over investment to me

That was 18 months ago and he restored my confidence despite it not working. I'm just probably more willing to give different people a try before dismissal.

And before dismissing me , try being a single woman at 49 .

I truly am loving my single life - I love doing what I want when I wa t after being in a terribly controlling relationship. I'm really really very happy alone . I don't t need a man . So I do t feel that invested truth be told - I could walk away tomorrow. I'd still be happy with my own company. I love nothing more than being in bed with my dogs and Netflix with no make up on in fleece pjs !

Well crack on then if you want to give it a go with an overweight bloke who's quoting poetry at you, can't afford a cinema ticket, is agoraphobic, and YOU HAVE NEVER MET HIM.

Its just bonkers but based on all your past threads I think you'll come to see this in time

I am meeting him however next Saturday.

Why so adversarial and dismissive?

I would like not to be alone into old age - having had 2 relationships in 49 years I aren't some fickle stupid cow who flits from man to man .

Tell you what then I'll just resign myself to a lonely old age with no connections and stop talking to anyone because I do t actually know them . Fine .

It doesn't matter what I think. But you're so recognisable on here and it's always the same old stuff. And now it's some obsession with someone you've not met.

I'll bow out now as it's not my intention to upset you. The whole thing is just mad though

I'm sorry but how does this even sound remotely like an obsession?

Please tell me .