At risk of sounding shallow

[stillvicarinatutu]

Would you date a man who was lovely , funny, smart, clearly adored you but is obese .

I ask as I'm meeting someone for a walk and a coffee , it's online dating and this will be our first meeting although we facetime , talk on phone and text , he makes me laugh so much , he's kind, sweet, sharp as a tack , he clearly wants a relationship and is losing weight at a rate of knots - like 7lb over 3 weeks . He put the weight on as he became agoraphobic, but he has overcome this which I think shows amazing courage . He loves clothes and has a fab wardrobe waiting for him when he loses a few stone ....
(He's more into clothes than me ! I'm a high street girl !)
I've made it clear until we meet I've no idea if he's friend zoned or not ....

Would someone being about 5 stone overweight bother you from an attraction point of view ?

I'm not overweight at all. I'm no Kate moss but I've always kept my weight down even when it's been a struggle sometimes.

I am encouraging him with his weight loss because he wants to do it and had already started that journey before we met ....

If he was happy at the size he is I'd not think about it but I'd probably not find him physically attractive either ....

Thoughts please.

Honestly, his personality sounds great, his weight wouldn't matter to me but a lack of car would kill it dead for me.

When fat Thor turned up in Endgame so many men I know went

"I finally have the body of a demiGod"

Have a great date OP.

He sounds aware of changes that need to be made.

He treats you like a princess.
He could become your demiGod

I know it sounds weird but I would be more worried about someone being obsessed with dieting and weight loss, than being overweight.
I think self acceptance and having a good perspective is very attractive.
Not saying he is obsessed and he could have a good attitude to weight loss… but it can be very all consuming takes one to know one and then when someone loses a lot of weight it can be elating, and then devastating if and and when it comes back on. Can really mess with a persons head.

@PrawnStars

I recognise your username and I think this is probably a non starter. I know in the past you've had similar threads where you've gone head first in before meeting them etc

I'd dial back all the long flirty chats and just get a date to meet in the diary

I've no idea what that's about ! I've had 2 relationships in 49 years! A few dates in the last 2 years as a single woman but that's the lot !

The lack of car doesn't bother me either .
I can pick him up . And if things a re good I envisage him spend g a few days here every so often .

@User2638483

I know it sounds weird but I would be more worried about someone being obsessed with dieting and weight loss, than being overweight. I think self acceptance and having a good perspective is very attractive. Not saying he is obsessed and he could have a good attitude to weight loss… but it can be very all consuming takes one to know one and then when someone loses a lot of weight it can be elating, and then devastating if and and when it comes back on. Can really mess with a persons head.

Yes yes to this.

Self acceptance is a far more endearing quality and something likely to make it last than it is dating someone who is constantly on about losing weight this losing weight that.

It can be exhausting especially if the tables turn, life happens, and they find themselves gaining weight.

I know weight can be an issue, but if you don't fancy him slightly now you're never going to. What are you proposing to do? Stick around until he's lost the weight to decide if you fancy him when he's slim? Isn't that leading him on a bit?

I could be friends but never date an obese man. I would be worried about his health issues. He wouldnt fit into my way of life such as the gym and tramping.

No not planning on leading him on in the slightest.

Planning on meeting in person and then deciding.

Stepping away now . Will meet tomorrow and decide if I want to see him again .

I like him very much already.

People carry weight in different ways.

You've said already to him it's a friendly meet up not a date. Just need him. I would.

Omg just meet hm not need him! Sorry

“Adam Richmond from Man V Food for one! Was most annoyed when he lost weight”

Oh god yeah, Adam Richmond was hot! Very sensual guy who loves getting right in there, yes please 😋

I'd never dated a bigger guy before. I'm not particularly small myself but have always had BF's who were either average build or slim. Then I met my current BF - I liked his profile online, I looked at his photo and immediately felt a pull. Then I met him and it was instant chemistry, I fancy him insanely. I'd say he has a good 6 ish stone on me, he isn't small at all but he is the sexiest man in the world. And the sex is incredible. Yes there are things you can't do as well, but not that many.
18 stone at 6' could be carried very well. Meet him and see. It'll either make sense or it won't.

No, I don’t find obese people attractive and I don’t think it’s shallow to say that - it’s no different to saying you don’t find short/skinny/Scottish/muscular/hairy people attractive. You fancy who you fancy. Yes, occasionally a spark can arise with someone who doesn’t fit your usual type so go for the coffee, but if you’re not feeling it I don’t think it’s something that would grow.

No.

Surely it's all about when your eyes meet? I haven't found you can really tell how attractive someone is, even with video dates. Just go and lock eyes and that will give you a good indication of whether this is possible on any level. Also get close enough to sniff him if you can (if he smells good, even better)!

I think it’s impossible to say until you meet him.

He printed my picture out and stuck it to his fridge and bike with a caption I will not repeat 😂.

What does this mean? He sees you as his ‘reward’ for dieting?

He's really trying to get himself fit and out there

OLD really isn’t the way to do this. It’s not fair on either party. Sounds like he’s looking for a woman to fix his life, to motivate him. You’ve already said you’re “encouraging” him in his weight loss and you haven’t even met. This doesn’t sound a healthy start to a relationship.

What does this mean ?

It means it's a joke and he was being funny . That's all. He's not relying on me at all. It seems I'm either shallow and should let him go and be with someone who appreciates fat blokes from the off or I should be very wary since he is trying to lose weight .

🤷🏻‍♀️

@TedMullins saying you don’t find Scottish people attractive is just racist. Reporting your comment.

Nothing more unattractive than a racist….

My last boyfriend was obese. We had great chemistry and got in so well, had loads to talk about etc
However, sex was very difficult

I said Scottish people among a load of other examples I plucked from nowhere. I did not say I personally was not attracted to Scottish people. I was making the point that sexual preferences and attraction are an area where even if your desires are somewhat prejudiced, you can’t force yourself to change them because attraction is usually innate.

Ted I understand your comment !

The Internet police are out again 🤷🏻‍♀️