I am really annoyed about my MIL plans for zmas

[Mamaof2222]

So my partner and I have welcomed our baby tis year he is five months old so will be baby's first Christmas. I had à conversation with MIL as she asked what my plans for Christmas are. I kind of said I would spend it at home but was waiting to have a conversation with my hubby to confirm. Fast forward a week I ask my OH what the plan is for Christmas he said he mentioned to his mum my idea of everyone coming to ours but she said it might be "a bit crazy" as our house is small he then went on to say "my mum wants me to spend Christmas there but that would mean I miss baby first Christmas" he was almost testing the waters. I feel fuming as isn't it a no brainer we would want to spend as a family in our home? I just can't shake it and wish I said what I really thought as soon as he said it but I stupidly brushed it off and said "if you want to spend it there then that's fine just tell me because I need to plan"

Is he fucking joking ? !

Why would you want to miss your baby’s first Christmas??

He wants to spend Christmas at his mums, away from his wife and baby?

So your MIL is trying to ruin what should be yours,your DH's and baby's first Xmas as a family?

I’m baffled as to how you didn’t say something at the time! He’s a bloody idiot for suggesting he spend Christmas away from you and your baby in the first place… is he normally so ridiculous?

This is an husband issue. When your MIL suggested moving it all to her house or him going there without you, that was his moment to say 'no, I'll be home with family bit don't worry, we'll see you at some other point then, how about we call in boxing day?'. Not give her the idea that he'd actually discuss leaving you and the baby home alone?! Please tell me in reading it wrong and that's not what the current suggestion is!

When he says, wants ‘me’ to spend Christmas there, does that mean the three of you or just him. That makes a massive difference to me.
If it’s just him, then WTAF are any of you thinking. If it’s the three of you then, you really need to sit down and decide how you want Christmas to happen going forward. Could you have dinner and home and then visit the in laws at tea time for example. Always hard to make a plan the first year of being a new family.

Are you sure your MIL wasn’t inviting you all to hers, and trying to lighten the load on you hosting, given that it sounds like your DH was inviting everyone? I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to separate a dad from his newborn on Christmas Day! Is there definitely no misunderstanding here?

You've got your own family now so I'd spend Xmas at home with your little family. You might set a precedent if you go to theirs. Of course your other half should be with you. She was fucking cheeky to suggest otherwise!

I’d let him go. Fuck that.

I’d rather be on my own than with someone who’d rather be elsewhere.

Why didn't you just hit the roof there and then? He's having a bloody laugh.

Excuse the typos, I'm very tired and also baffled and how anyone would think this is a reasonable suggestion!

Lots of weird ideas float round at this time of year. Just be clear with him what you've been thinking of, but be prepared that he may have been thinking something completely different. I was uninterested in 'baby's first Christmas' as they're not going to remember a thing and for me I just wanted the opportunity for a break, so going to the in-laws to have ds cooed over and taken away while I had plates of food brought to me regularly was ideal. But you're not wrong to want a Christmas at home. It's just not automatic.

How did he mange to get you pregnant when he's clearly still attached to his mum by the umbilical cord?!

Not to mention I assume you saying you wanted to spend it at home, wasn't extending an invitation to them?!

Wait. He is seriously proposing that he goes to his mums on his own and presumably you and the baby stay at home? Does he realise he's a grown up now?

wow, she was inviting him without you!? She knows that you don't just want to stay at home on your OWN with the baby. But she doesn't care.

That is so rude.

Just to clarify yes she meant just him as I have previously said I would like to spend Christmas at home.

Yep this is a husband issue.

Explain to him, as calmly as you can, that you and the baby are his family and you need to spend C’mas together. If his mum is upset at missing you all, that is secondary, and needs to be managed differently eg you will all go for Boxing Day etc.

Try and resist the urge to slap him. Point out he needs to negotiate a different, adult, relationship with his mum.

And yes I have said I would love his parents to come to our but understand if they don't want too as our house is much smaller.

Are you all invited? - I spent first Christmas with baby at PILs - would not have been my first choice but still recovering from CS. It was fine - after that is was our house. But DC was 3 weeks not 5 months. I would say all of you go or none - bit weird to have only Dad away for Christmas .

Say what now?

A grown man with a small baby is considering going home to mum for Xmas. Leaving his partner and baby behind for baby's 1st Christmas.

If this is the case, I think you need to sit him down one evening, once baby is in bed. Ask him to be clear on what he wants to do for Xmas. No testing the waters bullshit. And if he wants to go to his mum's on his own, ask him why. Really ask him. Because if that is what he would prefer to do, then it strongly suggests that he does not see you and the baby as his family.

Fuck that!

I would tell him to take his case full of clothes and not come back.

Why would his mum even suggest it?! This whole thing has got me boggled.

That's shocking.

How many are going to be at PILS? Are you going to be alone with the baby?