I am really annoyed about my MIL plans for zmas

[Mamaof2222]

So my partner and I have welcomed our baby tis year he is five months old so will be baby's first Christmas. I had à conversation with MIL as she asked what my plans for Christmas are. I kind of said I would spend it at home but was waiting to have a conversation with my hubby to confirm. Fast forward a week I ask my OH what the plan is for Christmas he said he mentioned to his mum my idea of everyone coming to ours but she said it might be "a bit crazy" as our house is small he then went on to say "my mum wants me to spend Christmas there but that would mean I miss baby first Christmas" he was almost testing the waters. I feel fuming as isn't it a no brainer we would want to spend as a family in our home? I just can't shake it and wish I said what I really thought as soon as he said it but I stupidly brushed it off and said "if you want to spend it there then that's fine just tell me because I need to plan"

You what!!!!!!!!

That's so plain weird I can't make sense of it. Surely there's been a break down in communication somewhere.

And surely you had already discussed Christmas with your dh?

Unless you have a prior history of spending Christmas apart e.g.each at respective parents it's extremely odd.

But your dh is the weirdest for considering it!

Could you ask if your MIL might return him his balls...?

Your MIL is not in the wrong, your husband is. Why would he say yes? Doesn’t he want to spend it with you and the baby?

Bin him, trust me when I say this will be the first of many.

That's batshit. Your MIL and OH are both ridiculous. She's disrespecting your decision and your OH shouldn't even have a choice to make. If he went there for Christmas I'd tell him to stay there.

Don't tell him its OK to go when it's not. This is a non issue. He tells his mum she's welcome at yours but you're doing Christmas in your own home this year.

Tell him you are a family unit and Christmas will be spent the three of you and that if makes you sad that he wants to leave you and dd alone. It seems very selfish.

Are you kidding me? He’s going to leave you and baby alone on Christmas Day??? Jesus. My partner is a total arse sometimes but even he would never do this or even think to do this. Unacceptable and you need to start putting your foot down.

but I stupidly brushed it off and said "if you want to spend it there then that's fine just tell me because I need to plan"

Why do people do this? Just why would you communicate in such a terrible way? You're lying for a start. And encouraging his nonsense.

A much better response would be:

Nice try
Are you kidding?
Wow, that s manipulative
Whose idea was this so I can get properly angry at the right person?
Are you taking the baby or leaving her? Just working out which parent shouldn't see their child at Christmas.

What you shouldn't do is agree!

Confuse him.
Tell him he can go and take baby. After all you're exhausted and would love the day at home by yourself to rest and relax.
Worrying he just assumed he could swan off and leave you to all the childcare. Why does the baby become more your responsibility than his, shows his mindset. Doesn't bode well.

So his mum has asked if he wants to go to hers for Christmas Day dinner on his own?
Without you and the baby?
And he's considering doing this?

@cptartapp

Confuse him. Tell him he can go and take baby. After all you're exhausted and would love the day at home by yourself to rest and relax. Worrying he just assumed he could swan off and leave you to all the childcare. Why does the baby become more your responsibility than his, shows his mindset. Doesn't bode well.

Genius!

Are you sure your mil didn’t invite you all? That’s crazy that he goes there without his family? And crazy that mil and dh both thought it was okay to leave you alone on Christmas Day?

Could you have Christmas morning at yours, and then all go to hers?

@Mamaof2222

Just to clarify yes she meant just him as I have previously said I would like to spend Christmas at home.

I'd laugh at my husband and say "and you are seriously considering going?"

If he said yes, I'd say "Great, I'll get on the phoone to the divorce lawyer right now then"

And then walk off.

Spineless, selfish, inconsiderate husband. Your MIL isn't the issue here. Your husband should be the one doing the laughing.

So you say to him that you’ve been thinking about Christmas and you’ve realised that what you want more than anything is to spend it at home just the three of you

What is all this nonsense about 'baby's first Christmas'. Baby won't know what's going on, will probably sleep or cry through it all anyway.

Problem is your boyfriend isn't planning to spend the day with you. Does that bother you?

Sounds like dh would like to go but I expect he means as a family.

Have you discussed your suggestion to stay at home with him? What do you both normally do for Christmas?

No way! What an absolutely mad idea from the pair of them. I'd be fuming too. The absolute wanker for even considering it.

On another note, I think you have a much bigger issue then Christmas. Your communication skills as a couple are zero!

"I kind of said I would spend it at home but was waiting to have a conversation with my hubby to confirm."

Why didn't you say that the three of you would probably spend it together?

Do you usually have seperate Christmases?

Wtaf?!

Tbh you have a husband and a mil problem and the sooner you make it clear this is unacceptable the better.

Your husband needs to be made aware sharpish that you spend Christmas as a family together. What that looks like is down to discussion with the 2 of you but does not include spending it in different homes.

Your mil needs the same memo. Some will say from your DH however I disagree. She needs to hear the message loud and clear from you so this shit doesn't happen again.

He needs to grow a pair

If my husband had spent Christmas Day at his parents without me any year after we were married, let alone once we had children, his bags would have been packed by the time he came back. Absolute deal breaker for me. It's not just that it's Christmas Day, it's the complete lack of consideration ans the inability to have a proper discussion about it that would be the deal breakers for me.

he then went on to say "my mum wants me to spend Christmas there but that would mean I miss baby first Christmas"
Tell him if he goes, he can stay forever.
Make it Christmas at home, the three of you as you planned, or see the back of this mummy's boy.

What a mummy's boy prick

OP it's really odd of him to ask if he can go to his mum's for Christmas day and it's really odd of you to say you're fine with it. There must be more to it. Is this the first time he's been away from his mum's at Christmas?