I am really annoyed about my MIL plans for zmas

[Mamaof2222]

So my partner and I have welcomed our baby tis year he is five months old so will be baby's first Christmas. I had à conversation with MIL as she asked what my plans for Christmas are. I kind of said I would spend it at home but was waiting to have a conversation with my hubby to confirm. Fast forward a week I ask my OH what the plan is for Christmas he said he mentioned to his mum my idea of everyone coming to ours but she said it might be "a bit crazy" as our house is small he then went on to say "my mum wants me to spend Christmas there but that would mean I miss baby first Christmas" he was almost testing the waters. I feel fuming as isn't it a no brainer we would want to spend as a family in our home? I just can't shake it and wish I said what I really thought as soon as he said it but I stupidly brushed it off and said "if you want to spend it there then that's fine just tell me because I need to plan"

OP referred to the guy as ‘partner’ and ‘other half’, so presumably he’s just a boyfriend and he clearly isn’t too bothered about the baby, or OP. At least she knows what she’s getting in to if she chooses to marry this guy.

I’d tell him not to bother coming back. What an absolute man-child! He hasn’t made the passage into adulthood. After a certain point, they never do. Beware and be rid.

Ah, just saw OPs other threads. That’s great that he wants to go to his mother. Make it permanent 🙂

You and dc should be his priority now. He can go to mummy’s for lunch on Christmas Eve or something.

Hmm, your latest update changes things somewhat. But still, why should he get a childcare free day, and you be alone with your baby? What do you want? Do you want him to stay at home with you? If you do, say so.

Wtf?? No!

Surely you can open a conversation this evening ...

"By the way. I presume you were joking about you going to your mums for Christmas Day and not spending it with me and DS?"

No when you have kids it’s for them and you need to be in your own home if you wish. Your husbands place is with you and the baby

If he goes, he wouldn’t be coming back!

I’d guess that he hasn’t in any way grasped that things are different now. You, the baby and him are the family unit. His parents are part of an extended family.

He needs to get a grip and start acting like a husband and father.

Sorry op I just read your other thread, I thought you were kids, you’re not, you have a nine year old too?

Is the fact he doesn’t want to spend time at Xmas with you possibly due to the fact your relationship is rocky at the moment?

This ^ puts a different perspective on things. I too, assumed from the opening post that you were youngsters.......

What is it with these people that think they still get to dictate to their adult kids what happens at Christmas. They are adults ffs, he should be able to spend it with his new family where he wants without the guilt trip.

OP, reading your other threads I think you need to ditch the partner - he sounds awful.

@MrsCBY

Ask him if his own father went back to spend Christmas with his parents once his DC had been born.

^^ THIS.

I would actually ask him
Just out of curiosity, did your father lave you and your mum to go aways for Christmas? Im just thinking about what dynamics would mean you've encountered in your life to think about having a fractured family for children at xmas?

It doesn't matter one bit that you didn't voice your concerns in the moment but please talk to him unfiltered about about you feel about it now.

Is he kidding? I really hope so, because this is the stupidest thing ever. And what the hell is she thinking?

WTAF! 'It's his first Xmas away from his Mum' is he 12?

Wow - this is unbelievable! Your dh needs to grow up….if not you genuinely should be considering whether this relationship is worth it if you are worth so little!!

“So he's just doing what he's always done. You need to have a chat with him and say that now you have your own child, things need to change. You need to spend Christmas together with your child. He's a father now, he needs to grow up”

This. It’s odd that he hasn’t understood that things change when you have a child but you need to have this conversation with him.

@DameFanny

Just tell him now *@Mamaof2222*! 'OH, I've been thinking and I realise I'd be really disappointed to not spend DC's first Christmas just as our little family. Do you think we could do that, and then maybe see our families in Boxing Day, together or separately?'

I would never be this passive, mild and weak with the man I had a child with.

But then I would have left this man a long time ago.

I remain shocked by how much bullshit women will put up with and how they take such a subservient role to men - some women will never put themselves or their children first.

@Mamaof2222

Just to clarify yes she meant just him as I have previously said I would like to spend Christmas at home.

Surely some misunderstanding? Wouldn't they invite you all for xmas?

What?!? Why did you casually say that was fine. Utterly crazy. If him to suggest it and you to affirm it. You can't go mad at him now, you have to explain calmly why it's a bizarre idea and you were shocked before.

I actually wouldn’t want him to back track and spend Christmas with me after this, he has made a first family Christmas together very meaningless now.
I’d send him off to his mum and plan my day with my baby without him or her.
Do you have other people you could spend the day with?
Although one of my nicest Christmas days was my first one as a single parent, didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself and my dd.

@NowEvenBetter

Ah, just saw OPs other threads. That’s great that he wants to go to his mother. Make it permanent 🙂

Oh dear.

OP, doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to see the writing on the wall when it comes to your “partner” - MN will still be here.

One day hopefully you will find you’re in a position to listen to the advice you’re getting on here, and you will find plenty of support when you do.

Take care