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Original poster

I am really annoyed about my MIL plans for zmas

204 replies

Mamaof2222 · 21/11/2021 15:28

So my partner and I have welcomed our baby tis year he is five months old so will be baby's first Christmas. I had à conversation with MIL as she asked what my plans for Christmas are. I kind of said I would spend it at home but was waiting to have a conversation with my hubby to confirm. Fast forward a week I ask my OH what the plan is for Christmas he said he mentioned to his mum my idea of everyone coming to ours but she said it might be "a bit crazy" as our house is small he then went on to say "my mum wants me to spend Christmas there but that would mean I miss baby first Christmas" he was almost testing the waters. I feel fuming as isn't it a no brainer we would want to spend as a family in our home? I just can't shake it and wish I said what I really thought as soon as he said it but I stupidly brushed it off and said "if you want to spend it there then that's fine just tell me because I need to plan"

OP posts:
Wellarentyouacleverdick · 21/11/2021 17:16

@Mamaof2222

Yes this is the first time he has been away from his mums for Christmas we would usually do Christmas separately with our families before baby arrived and then see eachother in the evening.
Well we used to do that too, when we were dating. Once we were living together and I was pregnant (happened in the same year), we spent it together as we were becoming our own family unit. When you marry or have children you become the 'main' family unit.

If he'd have suggested this I'd have been 1) hurt and 2) furious. He could go if he wanted but he wouldn't be coming back.

What a selfish knob.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 21/11/2021 17:16

@Ourlady

My God he's pathetic. I would tell him to go to his mothers and not come back. What an immature man child!
Exactly. The fact he even thought that was an acceptable suggestion would be enough for me to want him out of my life. If he spends Christmas with OP now, it's because she "made" him, not because he wants to. He will be sat there missing his mummy. Ugh, icky.
Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 17:17

Sorry op I just read your other thread, I thought you were kids, you’re not, you have a nine year old too?

Is the fact he doesn’t want to spend time at Xmas with you possibly due to the fact your relationship is rocky at the moment?

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 21/11/2021 17:18

I would smile sweetly and say "Oh that's okay, you go and spend Christmas Day at your Mum's. In fact, take a suitcase because you'll find when you get back the FUCKING LOCKS WILL BE CHANGED".

30whatacrock · 21/11/2021 17:22

@Mamaof2222

Yes this is the first time he has been away from his mums for Christmas we would usually do Christmas separately with our families before baby arrived and then see eachother in the evening.
Wow that’s really weird. He’s your husband but you don’t spend Christmas together. That makes what his mother has suggested not as controversial as it sounds. There’s nothing as strange as folk.
VillageOf8 · 21/11/2021 17:22

At this point, I would sit DH down and confirm what his plans are for
Christmas. I would then tell him that if he leaves me and his child for Christmas to go to his mother's, then he can just stay there with her. If he chooses you (he should choose you), then tell him you expect him to set some boundaries with his mother right now.

I would say that because I expect to come first to my husband. No one else should ever come before me and our kids. I put him first and I expect the same. If he wants to leave his wife/baby to go to mother's, then she can just take back her little boy and I'll go find someone who puts me first. I will not be the OW in my own marriage to his mother.

Women need to stop tolerating this crap. Let these husbands know that you are his family and if he won't put you first, then he can leave. Parents/everyone else come second to your spouse and kids.

Maybe I'm just less tolerant of BS now that I'm older and have learned so many lessons from my first marriage. But there's no way in hell that my current husband would leave me and our kids, especially on Christmas, to go somewhere that I wasn't even invited to. He would also tell his family that not inviting me and trying to undermine me is unacceptable. He would tell them to knock it off and if they won't include me, then they won't see him either.

LowlandLucky · 21/11/2021 17:24

You married a child

Calee03 · 21/11/2021 17:25

I've refused to put uo with this kind of shit for years now. We put our foot down and said we want Christmas at home and see family during the festive period but not on the day itself. YANBU for wanting to spend Christmas at home . Your partner should WANT to stay at home with you!! He's a grown man. He doesn't need to go to his mums at Christmas, he should be home with you and baby.

I've been with dp 9 years. The first couple years we'd spend the morning together then end be off to his mums for dinner. I'd spend a lot of Christmas alone as Ds would go to his dads for a few hours and I wouldn't see my family til the evening. But after me and dp had children together, he realised that he needed to be at home. Mil has somewhat accepted that over the years.

RaRaReba · 21/11/2021 17:25

Why can’t you all go to his mums for Xmas? That seems sensible, saves you cooking etc with a new baby.

If he does go on his own and miss baby’s 1st Xmas he wouldn’t get another chance to spend Xmas as a family because I’d divorce him.

Jumpingintochristmas · 21/11/2021 17:26

He would genuinely consider leaving you on Christmas Day. I would never think of him in the same way again!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2021 17:28

This is outrageous and so selfish of your mil. You have a DH problem. Even if we ignore that he is putting his mother above his wife, how could he possibly even consider being apart from his child?! This would be ringing alarm bells for me and I’d be seriously wondering if he’d bonded with his baby.

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 21/11/2021 17:29

I haven’t read the full thread yet but my response (if my husband had tried this) would have been something along the lines of:

“And while your at it pack a bag, because if you think that’s even remotely okay then you can stay there.”

Therealjudgejudy · 21/11/2021 17:31

I'm so sorry that you have discovered that the father of your child is a spineless mammas boy..Shock

Mellowyellow222 · 21/11/2021 17:34

OKay you need to start planning now. This man isn’t with you and the baby for the long haul, not even the medium haul.

Do you have a career? Do you own the house you live in?

Make sure you have your own income.

As for Christmas, it’s a deal breaker for me. If he real,y considers it’s an option to spend it at his mums and not with you and his baby then relationship is over.

CambsAlways · 21/11/2021 17:35

Omfg! Does he realise he’s a father, fathers generally spend family time with wives and babies, why on earth would he want to spend time with mummy, and leave his wife and baby at home,!! Maybe I’ve read the post wrong but this is insane

wombatspoopcubes · 21/11/2021 17:35

I'd ask him why he prioritises his mum over his child? I find it bonkers that some men don't see that they now are in the position to make christmas (birthdays, easter, whatever) memorabel for their children. You cannot get this time back

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/11/2021 17:39

"Bye, then... take your toothbrush and don't bother coming back have a lovely day without your child"

Topseyt · 21/11/2021 17:40

@doodleygirl

Not sure why you are annoyed with your MIL? Its your DH that is the moron.
I know a number of people are saying this, but I'd be furious with both of them. MIL clearly didn't bother thinking it through either, otherwise she would have invited all three of them. Not doing so was at best thoughtless and at worst shit stirring.

The DH/partner didn't think it through either and is also a twat. It doesn't take many brain cells to see how going to his mother's without his partner and young baby for baby's first Christmas would be a dreadful idea.

Iwonder08 · 21/11/2021 17:41

Honestly, if he leaves you alone with the baby on Xmas I would pack his bag so he can take it with him and move to his mummy

MrsCBY · 21/11/2021 17:41

Oh dear, you’re with a man who’s married to his mother.

It’s not good, OP. Sorry. I don’t know what you can say to him. If he doesn’t get this without you having to tell him how wrong it is, it doesn’t say much good about him really, does it?

But you need to be clear that your problem is him, not your MIL.

If he weren’t still attached to her in a really unhealthy way, it wouldn’t matter what she said or did: he would just laugh at the idea of spending Christmas apart from you and your DS.

The fact he’s entertaining it is really very worrying.

Feilin · 21/11/2021 17:42

Its babys first xmas. Tell him to pick either xmas eve or boxing day for his folks. He will never get that first xmas back and you dont want to be sitting alone so either they invite you all or you all stay at home xmas day.

MrsCBY · 21/11/2021 17:43

Ask him if his own father went back to spend Christmas with his parents once his DC had been born.

Thethreecs · 21/11/2021 17:47

Am I reading this right, you've never spent Christmas day together, he went to his family and you went to yours. You now have a baby and he's thinking of continuing that?

I get when dating that people like to go to their own families but when children come along people usually change their previous ways and start having Christmas as a family, whether that's at home with you or visiting.

Surely he wants to celebrate baby's 1st Christmas with you and baby, no matter where it is. I think I'd be having words if he actually thinks it's OK to leave you alone with a new baby at Christmas.

DameFanny · 21/11/2021 17:50

Just tell him now @Mamaof2222! 'OH, I've been thinking and I realise I'd be really disappointed to not spend DC's first Christmas just as our little family. Do you think we could do that, and then maybe see our families in Boxing Day, together or separately?'

immersivereader · 21/11/2021 17:52

Your husband is going to his mother's for Christmas, leaving you home with the baby? The baby's first Christmas?