How do you talk to other women?

[littlepieces]

I've always found making friendships, or even just conversation, with women really difficult, I feel like there's something I'm just not getting. I much prefer the company of men and find them much easier to talk to, easier to maintain relationships with, and much easier to sort of read I suppose. I also never really know what to say to women? With men I just have a laugh, but women don't really communicate like that. What do you talk about with other women? Anyone else similar? Or have any advice?

Eg. I went for a try out at a sports club recently. Another woman around my age was also there for the first time, so I said hi it's my first time here too, haven't played for a while not sure what to expect etc. She just looked at me like I'd spoken in a foreign language, and said nothing back. I tried again, but just got a brief laugh humouring me. And then later we had to pair up for a warm up and I turned to her to ask if she wanted to pair up and she turned immediately away and asked someone else. I don't look unusual or anything so have absolutely no idea what that was all about, but would say that's pretty typical of my social failings!

I’m the same. I have my best mate who also doesn’t have other female friends. We communicate like blokes. We don’t go out to bars drinking. We sit on the sofa watching sci fi on Netflix stuffing our faces with snacks. We don’t do make up or clothes or hair on soap operas. You just need to find your person. Make a profile on bumble BFF or if there’s a place on here for meet-ups post who you are and find like minded people. You sound lovely as you are.

Im not sure I really understand this "communicate like blokes" thing. I think I speak to men and women in more or less the same way. Probably slightly more guarded with men.

Feels like there's some internalised misogyny on this thread already.

Are you sure the lady at your club could understand you? That does sound like odd behaviour so I'm wondering if she actually knew what you were saying, from your recounting of the conversation I can't see you doing anything weird that would warrant those reactions.

@littlepieces I'm the same way. I find it easier to speak with males.

@littlepieces I THINK - because I'm not sure, with females, compliments work well to start with. But be prepared to listen. I think perhaps saying nice hair, or some something else that u like. Nice shoes? That may get a conversation going. Most Females care very much about appearance and want to chat about hair, make up, bags, shoes etc. I'm just guessing here.

Same here. I've always found it difficult to chat to females and quite often get a frosty reception. If they do get to know me it's fine but i'm only close to one female.
I think I must look a bit unapproachable, I am a very quiet person so it might come across as unfriendly or snobby. Blokes dont seem as judgy as some women, I find them much easier to get on with.

I think SOME (stressing some before people pile on) can be quite territorial against new women. Maybe a confidence/security thing. I guess men are the same, but a woman wouldn't be seen as a threat to their position amongst other men, so that's why they're happy to get on with you.
If you get rebuffed by a couple of women, keep your eye open for women who seem generally open and confident. They won't feel a threat from you so will be more welcoming.

I think part of the issue is you seem to have learnt that all men behave one way and all women behave another. In reality all men and all women have different personalities, conversation styles, ability to open up to strangers etc. Perhaps you’re treating all women as if they’re one entity and they’re picking up on that? Not everyone wants to chat to strangers, and this can be the case for both men and women.

Dear God the misogyny is just dripping from some of these posts.

Really ‘clothes, makeup and soap operas’? Start by complimenting ‘shoes or hair’?

FFS. Your contempt for your own sex will be the problem here. Not to mention your very very limited social circles.

Expand your mind and your horizons and the problem will be solved.

Imo and IME when it comes to male female friends it is different. Socialisation I think. I'm nearly 50 and have always had friends of both sexes.

With both men and women it takes time to become friends IE not acquaintance/drinking buddy etc. With all my friends whatever the sex it develops over time.

Also there's wariness esp in the situation you describe. If a stranger starts a chat. Man or woman. You have no idea what they're like.

How do you make male friends? I'd guess same as female. You see them wherever on a frequent ish or semi regular basis. You move from smile to hello to how are you to mates.

And for most people there's the obvious. Are they my sort of person thing. Sense of humour etc. That takes time.

I'd be really interested in how you got your bloke friends as surely took time and it's the same as women.

One woman not being friendly at the thing.. So what? You don't even know if you enjoy her company! She might be horrible.

Just behave normally.

And if you have plenty friends why feel need for additional friends who are female?

You instigated conversation three times in one session at a brand new club thing?

I'm not surprised she wasn't friendly back! That's not usual behaviour.

Misogny yes.

I have been a massive sci fi fan since a kid watching star trek os as a child 6pm after CBBC.

Men and women are not different species fgs.

Socialisation IME does seem to lead to most women becoming more responsible and conversation about family etc.. While the blokes carry on having a laugh esp in groups.

But close male friends talk about personal things.
And plenty of women still behave as if 20.

You just fall in with those you click with.

The idea that we're totally different across the board is drivel.

And tbh if your good male friends don't ever drop the fun thing and tell you problems worries.. Or vice Versa. Then they aren't close friends at all

I genuinely don't get the "men communicate like this and women like that'

No, they don't. Different people communicate in different ways. While there are social differences between men and women, we are also all individuals.

If you never get in with females, or rary get on with females.....chances are the problem is you. I have never met anyone who doesn't get on with a large portion of the population based on one factor (ie their sex) and it being everyone else.

We don’t do make up or clothes or hair on soap operas.

You don't do clothes? At all?

The stereotyping of women and misogyny on this thread should give some insight as to why some of you some get on with women.

I think men and women are groomed by society to be competitive among themselves, to compare. It can create wariness and tension subconsciously which is why often its easier for men and women to connect on a superficial level as competitiveness isnt happening.

Often friendships between women are much deeper and more supportive though so stick with it. Smile and make one opening but then leave the ball in their court

I find Bumble app a waste of time. Nobody suitable unless 50 miles away.

I also speak to women and men in the same way, but my approach (which I believe is open and friendly) doesn't seem to to be effective towards making lasting friendships with women. I do of course don't hit it off with every single guy I meet. I acknowledge that everyone is a different person.

I thought Bumble was more for 'networking' than finding friends?

Some deep internalised misogyny on this thread.

Women are not monolithic.

If you’re the sort of person who refers to women as ‘females’ (but men are never ‘males’, oddly enough), then I wouldn’t particularly want to speak to you, either.

What did you learn about males and females when growing up OP? How was your relationship with your parents?

You do not sound like the kind of person I would talk to let alone spend my time with - you seem to be thinking in stereotypes.
I would assume that your stereotyping will not be limited to gender alone and expect all sorts of lazy thinking from you.

Tbh, I would have found any stranger approaching me in such a full on way pretty intimidating. I don't think that is because I'm a woman.

Just because you don't instantly form a best mates type rapport with every woman you meet doesn't mean you are "failing socially".

Maybe try starting with just smiles and hellos and build familiarity and trust from there instead of trying to force it from the first moment.

Yea I've found the cool girls

😂😂😂 hair, make up and soap operas 🙈 yep that's what all women, the whole lot of us like to talk about....OP, it's just because you're so special, such a cool girl, the rest of us are probably jealous of you, that's why we (cos ya know all women 🙄) hate you

I much prefer talking to women than men so I guess I just treat them like I do my own sister. I try and find a mutual interest we can work on. I like to start off welcoming and friendly and see how it goes, never over the top.

The start of this thread reads as though its written by the type of teenaged boys who populate Reddit 😮

Not refering to women as "females" but rather as women would be a good start.

Not thinking women are only interested in soap operas, make up and compliments on their appearance, or in fact that women don't "have a laugh" would also help a lot. Ye gods.

VashtaNerada and MissTrip are right.

However the only thing wrong with the exchange (rather than the mindset) in the actual opening post is that its too much at once. Start with a simple greeting then one question, not a stream of consciousness. That applies to both men and women.

I open my mouth and words come out. I dont seem to have a problem making friends with women and men, so maybe its a problem with your approach, OP.

If you approach all women with the idea that you have to make fake "girlie chat", I would think that many of those women suss you as fake, and keep their distance. Try just being genuine and your authentic self, and maybe - shock, horror- you will realise that women aren't a pink monolith and you might even have something in common with some of them.

Huh, I usually find that if people want to make conversation, then you can start with any subject really and they will try to keep the conversation up anyway. Maybe you're trying to make friends in the wrong places, with people who don't want to talk?
With the lady in this story, are you sure she was new to the sport too? Perhaps she's been doing it a while and felt offended that you assumed she was new, or just didn't want to talk to a newbie. Or maybe she's shy and/or had chosen a place where she thought she could stay anonymous and not make conversation.
In any case, it's not common to instantly shun a stranger based on them making small talk, so her behaviour doesn't seem representative of all women.