How do you talk to other women?

[littlepieces]

I've always found making friendships, or even just conversation, with women really difficult, I feel like there's something I'm just not getting. I much prefer the company of men and find them much easier to talk to, easier to maintain relationships with, and much easier to sort of read I suppose. I also never really know what to say to women? With men I just have a laugh, but women don't really communicate like that. What do you talk about with other women? Anyone else similar? Or have any advice?

Eg. I went for a try out at a sports club recently. Another woman around my age was also there for the first time, so I said hi it's my first time here too, haven't played for a while not sure what to expect etc. She just looked at me like I'd spoken in a foreign language, and said nothing back. I tried again, but just got a brief laugh humouring me. And then later we had to pair up for a warm up and I turned to her to ask if she wanted to pair up and she turned immediately away and asked someone else. I don't look unusual or anything so have absolutely no idea what that was all about, but would say that's pretty typical of my social failings!

It's impossible to know what exactly went on on the occasion you gave as an example but maybe you could think about it like this. If your communication opener, whether it be spoken or a smile or moving to make room for someone is acknowledged in an equally open way then this could be a sigh that that person is willing to continue with conversation. For instance if you say hello and they look you in the eyes and say hello back, while smiling, it will usually mean that they are open to talking. Whereas if they barely manage to reply it generally means don't engage further on this occasion.
In your example you made a perfectly reasonable, appropriate comment in my opinion. If they had answered with something of a similar length, you probably could have progressed with more conversation. If they gave you a one word reply it probably meant they weren't up for conversation. Nothing that you had done wrong.

@CheeseMmmm I've really enjoyed your posts here :)

The PP who were discussing women who claim "I am too beautiful for other women to like" might enjoy the absolute belter that Katie Hopkins boasted that other women disliked her out of jealousy for her good looks.
The ham-faced twat!

i dont find it any more difficult to talk to women than to men. Theyre just people. Certainly on a more superficial level anyway

With men I just have a laugh, but women don't really communicate like that

Wtf?! I must be doing woman-ing wrong because despite having a vagina, I am able to often have a laugh when communicating with other people. And not even about shoes and bags - mad, eh?!

If you have a problem communicating with ALL women, then you are the problem, not the women.

Its hard for us women. Not being able to have a laugh

If I'm in a new situation, and don't know anyone, I just smile at people, friendly people will smile back and be willing to talk. The woman might have found you a bit full on, everyone has different personalities. Don't try so hard OP

People are people. And not all people are friendly, or are interested in smalltalk, or will want to make friends with you specifically. This has nothing to do with sex. Sounds like you just need to find the people you click with.

There are those of us out there who do enjoy talking with new people, so it's good that you're trying! Maybe ask one of your existing friends about it? "I've had some funny interactions when trying to make smalltalk with people, do you think I'm approaching things the wrong way?"

I think you might have set up a self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to talking to women OP. All men and women are different and it’s an individual thing. I’ll happily chat to people and sometimes they respond and sometimes they don’t. I would say keep trying and being open and friendly. The woman who didn’t respond to you might have had all sorts of issues going on that you know nothing about. Or maybe she just isn’t a nice person. Don’t tar all women with the same brush because it doesn’t help anybody.

How about talking about current affairs. I’m sure most women you come across will have pretty strong thoughts about biological men cosplaying females to invade women’s spaces and sports.

@PurpleSapphire

"BOOM bring out the big guns" That gives me visions of people wanting to be friends...waiting to pounce

Tickled me that has!!

@ChargingBuck

With men I just have a laugh, but women don't really communicate like that

Yeah, let's face it, 51% of the population are humourless bitches.
It's that extra X chromosome - gets in the way of the laughter gland.
That's biological fact, that is.

We're excellent at being shrill, hysterical, shrieking, irrational though.. And also of course we don't have s sense of humour because sometimes don't find male sexist/ horrible 'banter' about women in general or ourselves hilarious.

@madisonbridges

I think SOME (stressing some before people pile on) can be quite territorial against new women. Maybe a confidence/security thing. I guess men are the same, but a woman wouldn't be seen as a threat to their position amongst other men, so that's why they're happy to get on with you. If you get rebuffed by a couple of women, keep your eye open for women who seem generally open and confident. They won't feel a threat from you so will be more welcoming.

Yes, in a group of friends or something, but it doesn't explain gym woman. I can only think gym woman was someone who doesn't like talking to strangers.

'IME the absolute worst for this is diet chat. I don't care about your diet (and think the entire industry is a pernicious scam), I don't think about my weight and I love food. Please don't try to bond with me over how "naughty" you feel eating a chocolate.'

Oh yes 100% fuck that shit. I loathe it.

I refuse to join in i just can't. I hate everything about it..I mean with work and that if someone I know wants to talk about their weight diet etc obv nice to then listen etc because that's different.

But fucking hell. It's been a constant theme with women at work through my life at majority of jobs and it's also intrusive. Although I've seen it less in last 10 years so maybe out of fashion. Replaced with exercise talk maybe. Anyway...

In 20s I worked in a team including group of 4 women who were close.. We had lovely subsidies canteen (years ago sadly rare these days). I lived alone and have never liked breakfast so naturally I'd get a proper hot lunch every day- roast dinner etc.

EVERY SINGLE DAY. they would comment on what a big lunch it was. And probe. Will you eat later as well???!!! What did you have for breakfast? That's a huge meal! On and on. I would give minimal answers but they just wouldn't stop!

They'd all do this while picking at salads and talking about their own diets. Then at 3 every day OOH shall we be naughty? Let's open the biscuits. Oh I shouldn't, go on then just one! And would always offer me one. No thanks. (Full still and not keen on biscuits anyway). Oh go on. Just one won't hurt! There's a chocolate one here! Etc etc. No thanks really no. The biscuit pushing would become increasingly aggressive. And eventually they'd leave it in a really disgruntled way.

I mean for fucks sake! Fuck off fuck off fuck off! Take no for an answer! Just eat your biscuits and be happy fgs!

Sorry. But.

Yeah. The worst.

I would not want a stranger male or female. To approach me as OP did.

She knows nothing about her. Women are not obligated to be welcoming and pleasant to anyone who decides to strike up a conversation. I would find that too much and would avoid tbh.

Sorry that's blunt but how I feel.

Despite all the posters calling ‘misogyneh’, there is plenty of evidence that supports what OP and others describe.

Women prefer to work for men than other females.

Women collaborate better with men, and two men collaborate even better.

Women are less likely to help another woman at work if she is senior to them.

The actual studies don’t really support the sisterhood ideal.

Agree OP, in my opinion it's much harder to speak to women and unfortunately in my experience women can be really hurtful...

Women dislike having a female boss at work even more than men do, a new study has revealed.

Nearly 40 per cent of female workers in America would rather be led by a man, a Gallup survey found.

In contrast, just 26 per cent of men would prefer a male boss.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2797279/women-dislike-having-female-boss-workplace-men-study-finds.html

CBS Local — A survey by MSN found that both men and women prefer to work with men rather than women in the workplace. The survey is believed to be as accurate as a scientific poll. Nearly 500,000 people supplied answers.

MSN found that 20 percent of men and 21 percent of women preferred to work with men, compared to just 6 percent of each men and women preferring to work with women.

atlassearchllc.com/men-and-women-both-prefer-to-work-with-men-study-finds/

A study found two women are less likely to cooperate than two men when one is more powerful than the other.

Similarly, two females of different rank are less likely to work together than a man and a woman.

The finding contradicts the widely held belief that women’s nurturing nature makes it natural for them to help each other out, while men are too competitive to have time for each other.

Harvard University researcher Joyce Benenson, one of the study’s authors, said that women’s instinctive distrust of females in power may make it more difficult for them to scale the career ladder.

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2572235/Women-HATE-office-Females-operate-better-male-bosses-study-finds.html

@CheeseMmmm

You instigated conversation three times in one session at a brand new club thing?

I'm not surprised she wasn't friendly back! That's not usual behaviour.

What would you suggest? Go and stand quietly in the corner?

When you join a new club the main thing you do is instigate conversation. It’s called getting to know people.

Unless you have an enormous maris piper on your shoulder, that is.

Right because men at work always get on like a house on fire. Definitely no oneupmanship, cliques, gossip, petty squabbles, resentment...

Gosh men eh. Funny, rational, collaborative, easy going, assertive without being aggressive. Not given to emotional decisions reactions or outbursts (HA!!!). Sensible, sane, reliable, never frivolous, don't hold grudges. Mature. Plus of course a much more commanding natural presence, decisive, taller, deeper voices commanding respect. When discussing a contraversial topic, always listen and engage fairly, never getting agitated at disagreement or start to get aggressive. At a societal level they are the producers, the inventors, the solid reliable glue that keeps everything together.

And thank God for that what with half of the population being female! Who are responsible for all the problems in society. (Don't believe what you read in the news! Especially official stats related to things like crime). False news!

Eight I'm confused.

Surely most people join a sports club to do the sports, use the facilities, do classes etc.

It's a very expensive way to chat to new people! Pub would be a better bet and way more fun

@CheeseMmmm

Right because men at work always get on like a house on fire. Definitely no oneupmanship, cliques, gossip, petty squabbles, resentment...

Gosh men eh. Funny, rational, collaborative, easy going, assertive without being aggressive. Not given to emotional decisions reactions or outbursts (HA!!!). Sensible, sane, reliable, never frivolous, don't hold grudges. Mature. Plus of course a much more commanding natural presence, decisive, taller, deeper voices commanding respect. When discussing a contraversial topic, always listen and engage fairly, never getting agitated at disagreement or start to get aggressive. At a societal level they are the producers, the inventors, the solid reliable glue that keeps everything together.

And thank God for that what with half of the population being female! Who are responsible for all the problems in society. (Don't believe what you read in the news! Especially official stats related to things like crime). False news!

I think I really sent up the bat signal with that last post. 😂

Until I see evidence/studies to the contrary I’m going to believe the ones above. They’ve done loads of studies on bosses and literally every single one has had the same results as far as I’m aware.

Women are the worst micro managers. No contest.

'Another woman around my age was also there for the first time, so I said hi it's my first time here too, haven't played for a while not sure what to expect etc. She just looked at me like I'd spoken in a foreign language, and said nothing back. I tried again, but just got a brief laugh humouring me'

This is way way too persistent. Not reading/ignoring the clear not interested in chatting initial response of nothing.

It's a two way thing. Pushing anyone when they clearly don't want to talk is not the way to go..!

@EightWheelGirl

Despite all the posters calling ‘misogyneh’, there is plenty of evidence that supports what OP and others describe.

Women prefer to work for men than other females.

Women collaborate better with men, and two men collaborate even better.

Women are less likely to help another woman at work if she is senior to them.

The actual studies don’t really support the sisterhood ideal.

"actual studies" = confirmation bias & more bullshit.
None of which is my lived experience, ie 6 decades of working, collaborating & helping.