I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a 3 yo DC together (DP is a great Dad) and a wedding booked in the near future. Never until recently have I ever had reason do doubt his fidelity.
My DP went on a stag do a few months ago, not for him but a friend. It was 2 nights in Newcastle, it was booked through a stag do company (this is sort of relevant).
My DP came back from the stag do and told me all about it. One story stood out as weird in my head BUT did not make me feel suspicious at the time. He said that on one of the nights the booking company organised for 2 “bar girls” to take them on a bar crawl around Newcastle. He said at the end of the night he gave the girls £20 tip and so did his friend. However, another man at the party did not give them a tip and so one of the girls threw a drink in his face. For me something did not add up about this story as it seemed there was more to this story. However, I did not say anything at the time.
Then the very day he got home, he started washing all the clothes he took with him. I usually do the washing in the house and I felt this was very odd, as he is very much someone who would usually leave a bag unpacked for weeks. I felt it was odd, and I will admit that I started to feel suspicious in my head. When I commented about the washing and that it was strange, he was quite defensive and asked me if I was suggesting something. In fairness, looking back my tone was accusatory, I could have dealt with it better.
Then shortly after he came back he deleted all social media from his phone. So, whilst his Facebook profile was active, he would not receive any notifications or messages. When I asked him, he said he wanted to take a social media break. In the 5 years I have known him he has never done that, so it was out of character.
I found this suspicious and coupled with the other stuff I had this really overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. So I outright asked him if he cheated on my while he was away. Possibly not the best way to deal with things, I’ll admit. It turned into a massive argument, he was furious that I had accused him. Things have been frosty since.
Then Halloween evening we had carved pumpkins with DC and DP had taken some pictures of them with the candle in. I asked to see the pictures and he said he had sent them to his friend (from stag do) on Whatsapp and would show me. He was scrolling through the pictures on Whatsapp but accidentally went too far and I saw a picture for a split second. It was so quick because he realised what he had done and couldn't get the phone away quick enough, however I saw a few words but couldn't be sure.
I made out I didn't see anything and have carried on as normal. However, last night he left his phone on the side and I looked on the messages between him and his friend and found the image. His friend had sent him a mocked up image of a man wearing a sign saying “I cheated on my girlfriend in Newcastle and this is my punishment.” He had replied with a laughing face emoji. I felt really sick and hurt seeing that, my stomach just dropped.
I asked him to leave last night but I am not sure what to do. I really love this man. His attitude has not been great either. He said I need to calm down and I am overreacting. He said the image is a joke. He hasn't even apologised to me he properly, just a “Sorry if the image has offended you”.
He is making out that I have come to this conclusion out of my own insecurities. Do you think this is the case? The thing is I have never been insecure about my DP being unfaithful to me before. If you asked me 6 months ago if my DP would cheat on my I would have bet my house/car/everything that he would not have.
I just feel like I need someone from the outside to tell me if:
- I am justified in my suspicions
- I am being insecure and I am the one causing this rift between us.