Haven’t heard from date

[Raspberryvanilla1]

Meant to be going on a (fourth) date tomorrow, haven’t heard from him since 4pm yesterday afternoon. First three dates went really well - we both enjoyed each other’s company, and he was really keen for us to meet up again.

I know it’s only 11.30am now but he has almost always messaged in the evening/morning so far, feel a bit deflated. am I overreacting to think he has probably lost interest?

Tia

Have you messaged him?

For background, I sent the last message around 4.30pm yesterday, and have been left on unread.. :/

@Sakurami

Have you messaged him?

We were mid conversation and he didn’t respond to what I said. Not sure if I should send another message or just leave it

Send a message 'just checking if all good and we are still on for tonight?'
Like you would do with a friend.
Men get away with hell of a lot nowadays because we try to guess instead of asking.

Sorry to be nosy but have you slept with him on the last date ? X

@Raspberryvanilla1

I used to wait and analyse when to reply. I think it’s natural at the early stages and you don’t want to not consider at all how you come across, of course. However, one thing I’ve learnt (and it’s taken me a LONG time) is that if you can’t be upfront about meeting up and if it puts him off that you’ve text to confirm etc then he really isn’t worth bothering with. I know that doesn’t really help where feelings are involved but it’s worth remembering.

If it was me I would probably send a lighthearted emoji like tumbleweed and ask if we were still on for tomorrow. But it depends on how you usually communicate. If you don’t want to be jokey I would still text and ask how he is and ask what time you’re meeting tomorrow/if it’s still on. Again, the only reason I say this is because if that puts him off then really what’s the point?! Who wants a relationship where you are second guessing all the time.

@oreo2020

Send a message 'just checking if all good and we are still on for tonight?' Like you would do with a friend. Men get away with hell of a lot nowadays because we try to guess instead of asking.

Good idea, I’ll send a casual text checking in, if I don’t hear back I’ll know to just let things go. Feel a bit blah at the prospect, first person I’ve been interested in in quite a few months of going on dates

@mumtodogdaughterandhusband

Sorry to be nosy but have you slept with him on the last date ? X

We slept together on the second and third date x

Unless there is a really good reason it doesn’t look great
Waiting for all the people talking about how it’s obsessive expecting all these texts and “back in my day” and “it’s only been 20 hours”.
It’s a change in pattern. That would definitely make me suspicious.

I’ve seen many that lose interest as soon as they have sex. It might be fine but that’s a very noticeable change in his behaviour.

I would of just left it, it's his turn to respond if by any chance he left his phone behind or ran out of battery I think you would of heard something by now.
Hopefully he lets you know and doesn't completely ghost you.

If he had read it and not responded then I'd be more likely to think he's ghosting you but the fact it's not been read at all (and I'm assuming it doesn't say he's been online since then) could mean there's a problem with his phone.

It’s a change in pattern. That would definitely make me suspicious

This is it exactly- it's a change in pattern and often just a feeling that you KNOW something has changed.
OLD is horrible for this and lots of people IRL will give the most elaborate of excuses 'maybe he fell down a well and his phone was left at the top'

Thanks for the replies. Still haven’t heard anything, don’t have a great feeling about it, even if he was really busy he would have definitely checked his phone by now as he uses it while at work.

Ah well if I don’t hear anything from him at all today I’ll just assume it’s the end. Not sure if it’s worth texting asking about tomorrow or if I’ll lose any dignity by doing that. It’s a shame as I really did like him!

it's weird to just stop chatting mid flow and rude. I would want to know about the date, so as to consider changing weekend plans as much as anything.

Is there a way to phrase a text that implies you just need to know for organisational reasons?

Is the date arranged as in a time and place, or just a 'let's do something on Sat'?

I would check in and ask confirmation. I know what everyone's saying about men losing interest after sex and the change in pattern but tbh, it's just bad manners to leave someone hanging and I don't think it's losing dignity to ask.

@Raspberryvanilla1

Thanks for the replies. Still haven’t heard anything, don’t have a great feeling about it, even if he was really busy he would have definitely checked his phone by now as he uses it while at work.

Ah well if I don’t hear anything from him at all today I’ll just assume it’s the end. Not sure if it’s worth texting asking about tomorrow or if I’ll lose any dignity by doing that. It’s a shame as I really did like him!

Why would you assume it's the end, and why would you think you'd lose dignity by checking on plans?

Yes, it's a change in pattern, but let's not catastrophise. Sometimes someone loses interest but sometimes they're legitimately busy.

If you don't hear from him today, a quick message tomorrow to say "are we still on for later?" is perfectly normal.

Why don't you say something like "something's come up, can we meet a little later than arranged tomorrow?". If you get no reply there's your answer. But it's not a question that can be avoided.

He’s leaving you hanging so he can come back to you later. I think you should prod him actually. These men get away with this behaviour because we let them. Then they sidle back into contact weeks later, full of excuses and get to sleep with you again.

My message would read something like .... ‘Hiya. I’m going to assume our date isn’t happening tomorrow as we haven’t spoken for a while. I’ve made other plans now so I’ll catch up with at a later date. Raspberry’

So you’re acknowledging he has ghosted you. Told him you have other stuff going on and then finished breezy.

@CouldThisReallyBe
That's a good idea 👌

That's a shame. Could he have left his phone at home or something?

Every single about this crappy behaviour by men makes me want to be single forever!

@FreeBritnee
I don't know about that as he hasnt ghosted her and they havent not spoken in a while...yet. So far it's just a subtle change in pattern

Don't play any silly games, don't lie about your plans and don't try and use weird reverse psychology on him.

Just see if anything happens and if not, ask if you're still on for tomorrow.

I wouldn't contact him. It's just one of those things.