Haven’t heard from date

[Raspberryvanilla1]

Meant to be going on a (fourth) date tomorrow, haven’t heard from him since 4pm yesterday afternoon. First three dates went really well - we both enjoyed each other’s company, and he was really keen for us to meet up again.

I know it’s only 11.30am now but he has almost always messaged in the evening/morning so far, feel a bit deflated. am I overreacting to think he has probably lost interest?

Tia

@CecilieRose I think you are focusing too much on sex. To me the prize for my partner is my time - whether I have my knickers on or not is irrelevant. Why do you think so little of men you who are online dating? (you seem to have a problem with this specifically) There are bound to be more problems flagged up on a relationship board so I hope you aren’t basing it on this forum as you have alluded.

@Youknownothingsnow I have worked with lots and lots of men and their attitudes towards OLD and modern dating are grim. I also have experience with OLD and most of the men I encountered on it were awful.

I don't think I'm focusing too much on sex. I think I'm right. The pendulum has swung and now men get to be the 'pickers' again. There are all these women on OLD going 'Pick me! Pick me!' and a reasonably attractive, confident man can swipe through Tinder like it's a catalogue, with the upper hand of being the ones who decide whether a relationship happens or not. Yes, some women are also just looking for casual sex, but not nearly as many.

Is it everyone? No, of course not. There are genuine people around. There are men who genuinely want a relationship using OLD. But on the whole? I do think this 'modern dating' plays right into men's hands. I think back to boyfriends I had in my early twenties, how much effort they put into wooing me and impressing me. I was never ghosted. I was never ignored. If they upset me, they spent weeks trying to make it right. Now? The young men I know are hooking up with random women left, right, and centre because they can. If they upset someone, who cares, they've got another four women on rotation. Young women feel pressured into sending nudes to keep the interest of a man she's known five minutes. How is this progress?

Anyway, any news OP?

[quote CecilieRose]@Getbehindme, you're still not getting it.

It's not about 'blaming women'. It's acknowledging the reality that by having casual sex, women are playing right into men's hands here, by enabling them to behave as they do. If there were no women to have ONS with, men would have to work much harder at actually being decent partners and building relationships.

It's just a basic cause and effect scenario. If you can sleep with different women whenever you feel like it, why bother worrying about people's feelings or trying not to hurt and offend them? It's not that these men are being actively malicious, they just don't need to care. They've moved onto another shiny new thing. They're getting what they want.

By seeing it the way you do, talking about 'blame' and who's 'fault' it is, you are completely missing the point.[/quote]

This makes sense. Like most things in life, supply and demand are dominant forces. When there is no scarcity the value of a commodity plummets.

I think back to boyfriends I had in my early twenties, how much effort they put into wooing me and impressing me. I was never ghosted. I was never ignored.If they upset me, they spent weeks trying to make it right.

Perhaps you were a tiresome ickle pwincess, and it was easier to 'spend weeks' trying to rectify whatever terible wrong it was they had done you than to listen to your Violet Elizabeth Bott-style screams and foot-stamping echoing around the town?

Though surely, by your logic, if they'd spent forever 'wooing and impressing' you, the very last thing they would be capable of would be 'upsetting' you? Wouldn't they have been tiptoeing around your sensibilities like something from the Princess and the Pea?

All your posts sound as if you have a particularly crazed form of nostalgia for a time in your life where you felt more powerful than the men around you.

Looking at it realistically, back in the days before text messaging, we all spent far more time and effort finding one another and I mean that in the most literal sense. You had to find a callbox or landline to make a call, and that only worked if the person you wanted to contact was close to their landline, so if you made an arrangement to meet with a friend, you kept the date, because you couldn't text to say you were running half an hour late, or weren't feeling well. During my student days, we spent a huge amount of time hanging around in the bar or cafés waiting to bump into our friends, you had to physically go out to meet a potential pool of people to date, and at my university there was a wall in a female loo in one building where girls posted asking for information about a boy they liked, and would get replies like 'He's in lecture theatre X on Thursdays at ten and drinks in Y pub he's very nice! Good luck!' or 'He has a girlfriend.'

Now technology means you don't have to do any of that. It's easier to meet people, to cancel on people, easier to meet a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, and also easier to ditch them, so you don't have to invest as much. But the rewards and penalties of the new way aren't gendered.

I don’t think the OP will want to return to this thread, after the vitriol spilled out on this thread.

@Maulstick

I think back to boyfriends I had in my early twenties, how much effort they put into wooing me and impressing me. I was never ghosted. I was never ignored.If they upset me, they spent weeks trying to make it right.

Perhaps you were a tiresome ickle pwincess, and it was easier to 'spend weeks' trying to rectify whatever terible wrong it was they had done you than to listen to your Violet Elizabeth Bott-style screams and foot-stamping echoing around the town?

Though surely, by your logic, if they'd spent forever 'wooing and impressing' you, the very last thing they would be capable of would be 'upsetting' you? Wouldn't they have been tiptoeing around your sensibilities like something from the Princess and the Pea?

All your posts sound as if you have a particularly crazed form of nostalgia for a time in your life where you felt more powerful than the men around you.

Looking at it realistically, back in the days before text messaging, we all spent far more time and effort finding one another and I mean that in the most literal sense. You had to find a callbox or landline to make a call, and that only worked if the person you wanted to contact was close to their landline, so if you made an arrangement to meet with a friend, you kept the date, because you couldn't text to say you were running half an hour late, or weren't feeling well. During my student days, we spent a huge amount of time hanging around in the bar or cafés waiting to bump into our friends, you had to physically go out to meet a potential pool of people to date, and at my university there was a wall in a female loo in one building where girls posted asking for information about a boy they liked, and would get replies like 'He's in lecture theatre X on Thursdays at ten and drinks in Y pub he's very nice! Good luck!' or 'He has a girlfriend.'

Now technology means you don't have to do any of that. It's easier to meet people, to cancel on people, easier to meet a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, and also easier to ditch them, so you don't have to invest as much. But the rewards and penalties of the new way aren't gendered.

Love the personal insults and misogyny (and yes, it's far more misogynistic than anything I said).

Imagine thinking so very little of women that a woman who stands up for herself and knows her worth must be a 'tiresome ickle pwincess'. The 'wrong' was yelling in my face after getting blackout drunk, in front of all my friends. Is that acceptable to be upset about, dear? I suppose you think I should have just graciously accepted it like a subservient little woman.

Men have so many benefits over women, it's unreal. One of the very few ways women had the upper hand back when I was in my teens and early twenties was that yes, women had most of the power when it came to dating. We all had our guard up, and expected men to earn our trust. The idea of feeling pressured to send a nude to appear 'unprudish' or compete with ten other women he's texting was unthinkable. Now, guess what, power is back in men's hands dating wise as well. Beautiful young women in their prime are destroying themselves pining over arseholes who see them as nothing more than another conquest on Tinder. And yes, men always behaved like that to an extent, but only the most handsome and charming could get away with it. In the past few years I've known some incredibly mediocre men who treat women like dogshit, because that's the world we've created.

@KosherDill @CecilieRose

The ratio of men to women on Tinder is 9 to 1, on Bumble, the most women-friendly app out there, it’s 7 to 3. Match and EHarmony fall somewhere in the middle. The availability of women on these apps is hardly plentiful.

@CecilieRose sorry you had an awful time OLD. That wasn’t my experience, which was largely positive.