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Original poster

Haven’t heard from date

209 replies

Raspberryvanilla1 · 12/11/2021 11:36

Meant to be going on a (fourth) date tomorrow, haven’t heard from him since 4pm yesterday afternoon. First three dates went really well - we both enjoyed each other’s company, and he was really keen for us to meet up again.

I know it’s only 11.30am now but he has almost always messaged in the evening/morning so far, feel a bit deflated. Sad am I overreacting to think he has probably lost interest?

Tia Flowers

OP posts:
CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 13:31

@nomorefrogs

Every single about this crappy behaviour by men makes me want to be single forever!
Women don't help by jumping into bed with someone they've met once or twice via an app.It used to be the case that men would want to stay in your best books for a very long time because they'd feel lucky to be with you and everything that comes with a relationship. What incentive is there now if they can just match with someone else and sleep with them? It's probably already happened.

Dating apps and women 'taking control' of their sexuality have absolutely ruined it for people who want serious relationships.

Sakurami · 12/11/2021 13:32

Has he been online? Does he have other ways of contacting you? Ie. If his phone died. Does he know where you live?

Just some advice here but if you're like me, once you've had sex you put a lot more importance in what you might have than what it actually is. I would wait until you get to know someone to have sex with him. (Not sure it applies to everyone but from my feelings and what my friends say, it is quite common)

girlmom21 · 12/11/2021 13:37

If he's not even read it there could be a very genuine reason why.

Had you made firm plans?

Chapsview · 12/11/2021 13:42

I would be more worried about him than your date.

If he stopped reading mid-conversation how can you be sure something has not happened to him? I would be ringing him to check he is okay.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 12/11/2021 14:04

@CecilieRose Of course, it's women's fault men behave like twats. Onus always on the woman. Don't think there's enough space for the amount of roll eye emojis I want to use.

nomorefrogs · 12/11/2021 14:06

@CecilieRose not true that women 'taking control' of their sexuality is to blame for men's crappy behaviour! What an odd thing to say.

weekendfuntime · 12/11/2021 14:10

OP - I've been here. Unfortunately some men think by the fourth or fifth date they need to show more commitment and the first few dates are no strings attached.

This has happened to me a few times and when oxytocin's kick in it can be hurtful.

I would text and ask if he still wants to meet up tomorrow. Then you know where you stand.

supercali77 · 12/11/2021 14:12

Right, men ignore us because we have sex with them 🙄. Admittedly if you wait then they will often drop out before you climb into bed. But the ignoring/ghosting is entirely on them. If they're going to have casual sex the least they can do is be emotionally mature enough to tell someone they don't think its a good match long term

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/11/2021 14:13

@CecilieRose

Dating apps and women 'taking control' of their sexuality have absolutely ruined it for people who want serious relationships.

Bloody women, having sexual autonomy. Burn the witches!

Don't be a misogynist, it's not a good look.

supercali77 · 12/11/2021 14:15

Personally. I would give it till tonight for him to reply and then delete him and move on. Theres no human ive met a handful of times that should have me chasing them for an answer. Men aren't stupid. They know about replying to messages and particularly with dates. If he's left his phone somewhere he'll get in touch eventually but I'd absolutely not message him and make other plans. If you make the other plans. Stick to them. Time is your most precious resource.

BornInAThunderstorm · 12/11/2021 14:16

I personally feel if someone I’m dating is planning to ditch me after a shag, that we get it over with after a couple of dates than invest lots of time in them.

Someone who will ghost you after 3 dates will do the same after 10.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2021 14:17

@Raspberryvanilla1

Thanks for the replies. Still haven’t heard anything, don’t have a great feeling about it, even if he was really busy he would have definitely checked his phone by now as he uses it while at work.

Ah well Sad if I don’t hear anything from him at all today I’ll just assume it’s the end. Not sure if it’s worth texting asking about tomorrow or if I’ll lose any dignity by doing that. It’s a shame as I really did like him!

If its still unread I'd think lost phone. Can you see if he's been active on watts app or messenger?
SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2021 14:20

Meh @CecilieRose my mate is married with a child to her "one night stand" and DH and I moved in together after 4 months despite sleeping together after a few weeks, now married with three kids. I have lots of friends who are married / ltr with men they slept with early on. Its a reflection on the man if he ghosts after sex

Getbehindme · 12/11/2021 14:21

[quote ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]@CecilieRose Of course, it's women's fault men behave like twats. Onus always on the woman. Don't think there's enough space for the amount of roll eye emojis I want to use. [/quote]
I was thinking that!

Right, back in your boxes women! No more casual sex!

CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 14:31

[quote nomorefrogs]@CecilieRose not true that women 'taking control' of their sexuality is to blame for men's crappy behaviour! What an odd thing to say. [/quote]
Of course it is. I know so many women who hop into bed with men they've just met and are then surprised the man doesn't want to invest time into getting to know them and settling down.

Sorry but anyone who thinks most men still don't think like this (deep down - many of them do a great job of pretending to be 'woke' on the surface) is utterly delusional.

CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 14:34

[quote ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]@CecilieRose Of course, it's women's fault men behave like twats. Onus always on the woman. Don't think there's enough space for the amount of roll eye emojis I want to use. [/quote]
It's a bit of both.

Why do men seek relationships? A massive, massive part is regular sex. Whether or not you'd like to admit that, it's the truth. If they can get regular sex from random women on dating apps, where's the impetus to treat women well? Where's the incentive to spend weeks or months thinking up cute dates and making future plans?

The evidence is right here staring you in the face. He's got his leg over and he's not interested anymore. Probably moved on to the next one already. And yet you want to delude yourself and others that women who hop into bed too quickly don't fuck it up for themselves and everyone else.

Incredible.

Joystir59 · 12/11/2021 14:35

He's had what he wanted.

CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 14:37

@youvegottenminuteslynn I'm not a misogynist.

You're deluded if you think women get to have our cake and eat it. We don't. If people want to have casual sex, fine. But let's not pretend it isn't having a massively negative impact on relationships. Men's behaviour has got worse and worse since I started dating in my late teens. You honestly don't think it has anything at all to do with dating apps and being able to get an easy shag whenever they like? Not being afraid to mess up dating someone because they know there's plenty more fish in the sea?

Women's 'upper hand' in relationships was always that they were the gate keepers of sex. That upper hand has gone now. You might think it's worth it, it doesn't matter. Irrelevant. But that's the truth.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/11/2021 14:37

And yet you want to delude yourself and others that women who hop into bed too quickly don't fuck it up for themselves and everyone else.

You realise that in your scenario these women aren't hopping into bed alone, yes?

Why do men seek relationships? A massive, massive part is regular sex. Whether or not you'd like to admit that, it's the truth.

Well obviously. Just as for most women a massive part of being in a relationship is sex. Otherwise we would all just have mates and not date.

I know so many women who hop into bed with men they've just met and are then surprised the man doesn't want to invest time into getting to know them and settling down.

If you know 'so many women' who do something you think is wrong and 'fucks it up' for everyone else then maybe you should try to expand your social circle to meet people who share your views. Perhaps you could nip to the 1950s?

The internalised misogyny is strong with this one...

ValerieCupcake · 12/11/2021 14:39

@oreo2020

Send a message 'just checking if all good and we are still on for tonight?' Like you would do with a friend. Men get away with hell of a lot nowadays because we try to guess instead of asking.
Yes because we are conditioned not to appear too keen.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/11/2021 14:42

Women's 'upper hand' in relationships was always that they were the gate keepers of sex.

The flip side of this so called 'upper hand' was that we had less financial freedom, career potential, general independence and were trained to view sex (as you clearly still do) as something we 'let' men do to us, rather than with us.

Something we owe them if they pay for things. Indebted. Transactional.

If you want to think of sex like that then knock yourself out. I can't imagine reminiscing about such a depressing dynamic.

CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 14:48

@youvegottenminuteslynn

And yet you want to delude yourself and others that women who hop into bed too quickly don't fuck it up for themselves and everyone else.

You realise that in your scenario these women aren't hopping into bed alone, yes?

Why do men seek relationships? A massive, massive part is regular sex. Whether or not you'd like to admit that, it's the truth.

Well obviously. Just as for most women a massive part of being in a relationship is sex. Otherwise we would all just have mates and not date.

I know so many women who hop into bed with men they've just met and are then surprised the man doesn't want to invest time into getting to know them and settling down.

If you know 'so many women' who do something you think is wrong and 'fucks it up' for everyone else then maybe you should try to expand your social circle to meet people who share your views. Perhaps you could nip to the 1950s?

The internalised misogyny is strong with this one...

So? How is it relevant that they aren't hopping into bed alone? Yes, there's a massive double standard. It doesn't make what I said any less true.

Look at the replies on this thread. Plenty of posters have said he's probably got bored after he shagged her and moved on. That's almost certainly what has happened. And yet you think my opinion is wrong?

Tinacollada · 12/11/2021 14:51

Cecilrose get back to your ironing.

And straighten that petticoat.

CecilieRose · 12/11/2021 14:52

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Women's 'upper hand' in relationships was always that they were the gate keepers of sex.

The flip side of this so called 'upper hand' was that we had less financial freedom, career potential, general independence and were trained to view sex (as you clearly still do) as something we 'let' men do to us, rather than with us.

Something we owe them if they pay for things. Indebted. Transactional.

If you want to think of sex like that then knock yourself out. I can't imagine reminiscing about such a depressing dynamic.

I'm not reminiscing. I'm also not the one posting about being deflated about being pumped and dumped, am I?

If you have casual sex with strangers from apps, you are also taking a massive risk that they're out for one thing and will ditch you when they get it. If that's fine with you, crack on. But don't do it and then come here going 'wah wah wah where did all the nice men go?' Either you're a strong, independent woman who enjoys sex and using men as much as they use you, or you're looking for a traditional relationship with all the trappings. You don't get to have your cake and eat it, that's the point.

The delusion is unreal.

nomorefrogs · 12/11/2021 14:52

Flaming Nora not hearing back from the ops date is by far the least depressing thing about this thread!!!