Need to not message him

[toastedsandwiches]

My DP and I split up yesterday. I'm utterly and totally head over heels for him.
We've been together a year and get on so well. We've had some us and downs.
We've both been massively hurt in the past by other people and can be defensive because of this.
It took a lot for me to let my guard down and throw myself into the relationship, but I did.

We had plans and stuff to look forward to. We talked about living together and getting married down the line. He made me feel loved, and happy and smile. I laughed till I cried. I felt special and content. He gave me support and listened.
I supported him, I gave him my time and we were having an amazing time.
So much in common and couldn't bared to be apart.

Then I got tonsillitis, I went to bed the day before yesterday in the afternoon. I saw a notification on my phone he posted something on Facebook- a joke - aimed at me - nothing nasty - I responded.
He called me an hour later saying he was on the way around. He was livid - I hadn't replied to his text he sent at the same time as the Facebook post.

I hadn't seen the text.

He's broken up with me over it.

He’s broken up with you over not seeing a text? He’s done you a favour
Block and delete his number

He sounds a bit unhinged and controlling

Um…what?

Was he waiting for a (flimsy) excuse?

Well he’s a complete arse then! However much it doesn’t feel like it now it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape

@pictish no I don't thinks so.
Every time we have an issue his go to is to end it.
I've had to speak him down out of his mood.

I think it's a hang over from his poor relationships previously- he's defensive and has a natural reaction to leave.

Really? I think he’s a manipulative bastard that’s training you to jump to his every whim by way of threatening you if you don’t.

I know but I've never felt like this.
I've fallen so hard.
I thought he was the one.
I actually felt I had found my missing part.

Even when you’re ill.

You don’t have a missing part…at least, not one that can be filled by a man. No one completes us.

The last time we had one of these I was very ill too.
He thinks that I manipulate him by being ill.
Last year we had a 'miscommunication' when I had Covid.

I do think it's a defensive thing though.

He's been worrying that I'm going to leave him for someone else - no idea why? I am on the phone with him all day, texting or calling each other. Or we're together.

I'm so cross that he cares so little.

I really fell for it didn't I.

It’s not defensive, it’s aggressive. He’s not like that because he loves you, he’s like that because he wants to control you. It’s entirely self-serving.

@pictish I know you are right.
I just felt comfortable in my own skin with him. I've never had that with anyone else before.
I was content and happy and full.

Oh for heaven's sake this man is a manipulative bastard. He's not your missing piece at all. You are perfectly whole without him. The only missing piece is in his brain.

"I think it's a hang over from his poor relationships previously- he's defensive and has a natural reaction to leave."

It is not a hang over from a previous relationship and stop making excuses for him. He is abusive. Full stop. If after an argument his weapon of choice is to try and finish with you and watch you beg him not to then you are nicely complicit in his abuse. Get as far away from him as possible. Do not talk him around anymore. Go and find someone healthy to be with and think very carefully why you choose to stay with someone like this.

You're well off out of this one, why the hell was he targeting unpleasant jokes at you in public? Also accusing you of pretending to be ill to manipulate him is really odd.

I know it doesn't feel like it, especially as you're ill, but you're better off without a man who behaves this way. He needs to sort himself out. I wouldn't be so sure he was such a victim in his last relationship if he's constantly looking for things to make trouble over, which he is. He sounds very strange.

But you’re not content. You’re anxious, scared of offending him, feel dejected and you’re not allowed to be ill!

It doesn't help I had a huge crush (I am an adult -utterly ridiculous) on him for about a year before we got together.

You've dodged a bullet.

Well, he hasn't lived up to your expectations at all. When you were hoping to get with him, is this the behaviour you imagined?

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Well, he hasn't lived up to your expectations at all. When you were hoping to get with him, is this the behaviour you imagined?

No Not at all.

Yes…I’m sure your crush never conjured up a man who would punish you for being ill by threatening to end your relationship.

He sounds like hard work. Get rid.

It wasn't to punish me for being ill. It was because I didn't see the text.
I was because I didn't care enough to check to see if he had texted me.

The awful thing is that the rest of the time he is actually perfect. The things he says. The things he does.
How he made me feel.