Feeling abandoned bc hub is away

[applejanepie]

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous and very petty. He's going away for work, not some holiday, it's only for two weeks, and your response is to give him the silent treatment? How absurd.

I'm guessing there are positives and negatives for both of you. Please don't give him the silent treatment, you'd achieve nothing.

I'm currently working away from home - my DP does it all the time but I don't and its given me a new perspective. I'm missing my DC and my DP. I'm missing the familiarity of being at home. Plus the journey and the actual work itself is tough going.

Plan things to do whilst he is away and concentrate on supporting each other.

Sounds like there are deeper issues besides him working away for 2 weeks if you want to give him the silent treatment just for doing his job. Why would you even consider this? Sounds very immature

Unless he is organising the trip away when he really does not need to, or 'work' just means working for 3 days and the rest on quasi holiday, YABVU. I have worked away for a week each year for the last decade (happily not during COVID) and it's really not fun. I once did two weeks and it was horrible. Missing home, DC, DP, intense work, living in a hotel room, being entertained each night by people I don't want to spend time etc.

I am hoping that COVID has stopped my annual trip...

Advice to make this easier? TY
Err, grow up perhaps?

If I was given the silent treatment for working that would be a sure sign that I needed a divorce.

Its about you frame it.

You are framing it as being abandoned. You are being abandoned. He is coming back. These feelings come from you.

You are upset he is missing an appointment. Its one. Just one.

Your current set up has pros and cons for both of you, I presume? Surely some days or weeks are more fun for you than they for him. And some weeks are very hard for you and not him.

I don't know anyone, including me, who travels for work and enjoys the entire thing as a holiday. Its long days, extra work. Being away from home. The 'fun' bits are not usually that fun because it's with people you probably wouldn't choose to spend that time with. You spend all your time in your work persona and generally work more hours.

The fact that you would like to make that harder for the both of you, by refusing to speak to him while he is gone, doesn't make sense.

If he needs to go, he needs to go. There maybe times he has some fun. But do yiu really begrudge that? If you have a an hour or few hours of fun while he is gone, would you expect him to resent you because he is working?

What's he actually done wrong? And the silent treatment is horrible.

Your poor husband 😬 getting the silent treatment for going to work is a bit OTT is it not? Also, I’m sorry but you’re being a mum, you’re not “babysitting”.
My DH works offshore, he’s away for 4 weeks then home for 4 weeks and does that all year round. He certainly doesn’t get the silent treatment when he goes away. I also got pregnant last year right before covid hit so DH wasn’t allowed to attend a single appointment and was only allowed in for the last part of my labour - I wasn’t abandoned - it’s just the way things were. Your DH is only missing one appointment.
Lots of people ‘manage the whole house alone’. I do it for 4 weeks at a time and lots of single parents do it 24/7!! If something doesn’t get done then it’s not then end of the world.

Lots of people go to all their antenatal appts one as their husbands are working. Unless there's a massive back story, you sound about 12.

Read your post OP
And grow up

Uhmmmm... it's not babysitting when it's your own kids

Do you mean you can't go to this appointment yourself because he's away? (You can't get there on your own/have no-one else to have the toddler...) Or just that he'll not be coming with you because he's away?

Did you choose to start a family or was it thrust on you by your husband?
Have you chosen to be a SAHP or has that been thrust upon you by your husband?
If these are choices that you have not participated in, I can understand your resentment. If not 🤷‍♀️ It's what you've chosen.
Being away from home for long spells of time is shit. Living out of a suitcase, no home comforts, missing your family. I'm presuming he's contributing to the family expenses by doing this work. Maybe thinking about the impact on him will help you through feeling alone. But it's two weeks, you'll survive.

Is it that your life has radically changed due to having kids, and you feel his has not?

In this specific case, it sounds like you're being very unreasonable - but if it's a part of a situation where you've given up a lot and he's carrying on the same, then maybe there's that bigger problem to tackle.

@JudgementalCactus

Uhmmmm... it's not babysitting when it's your own kids

This!

Maybe evaluate why you decided to have kids when you’re still acting like one yourself?

How childish. Loads of people cope with partners working away without resorting to the silent treatment. Mine worked away every week for 5 years while I looked after 2 children and completed my degree and subsequently worked. It was hard work but I never resented him being away as it was hard on him too.

@applejanepie

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY

You aren't babysitting, you're looking after your child whilst your husband is away working earning money. You need to grow up, it's two weeks.

Blimey. Your poor husband. I think you need help as this isn’t a fair or normal reaction. You really do need to speak to somebody. Make use of these two weeks by googling therapists in your area and getting started on self improvement.

Can you imagine how he'll feel if he's far from home, working, missing you and thinking about the baby... and you just stop talking to him?

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous and very petty. He's going away for work, not some holiday, it's only for two weeks, and your response is to give him the silent treatment? How absurd.

This 👆🏻 you sound really bitter. It's work not a boys stag do.

Unbelievably selfish and immature.

This cannot be real.

Is the whole house a mansion?

Do you work?

Can you not hire a nanny, cleaner or even a house manager, for the fortnight?