Feeling abandoned bc hub is away

[applejanepie]

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY

Giving the silent treatment is a mark of an abusive partner.

Two weeks - can you find a babysitter? arrange play dates?
You need some things to look forward to - massage, movie, meet up for coffee. It won't be easy but I'm sure you can come up with something. It seems its the being stuck in the house with the toddler which is the problem - you can leave the housework for 2 weeks.

But he's working!
Does he not normally work? If not, aren't you happy for the money?

Honestly, I'll never get my head around people who think work is an imposition on family time 🤔

@Faevern

This cannot be real.

Is the whole house a mansion?

Do you work?

Can you not hire a nanny, cleaner or even a house manager, for the fortnight?

House manager

Being home alone with a toddler is great fun! If you're fed up of cleaning, get out and do some activities and there'll be less mess at home.

I'd much rather be home having fun with my child than away working for a full two weeks.

Perspective, OP.

You’re not babysitting your parenting your dc.
If your dh has to work overseas then you just have to get on with it.
Try making it a fun time for you and your toddler.

Let your dh do his job without having to worry about you and your immaturity.

You're being ridiculous.

You're also not babysitting, you're being a parent.

You are being ridiculous, he's going for work!

To put things into perspective...
DH works away every week Monday to Friday. We don't like it. Its a necessary evil. It can be lonely at times. I get a bit jealous at times as he can go to the pub whenever he wants, has dinner with friends etc... although he often works in the evening. But on the other hand, I get to chose what to watch on TV and get a massive bed to myself.

A few years ago, DH had to go away when I was pregnant with a toddler... for 7 months. We could only communicate by letter/email (I could a write a letter, it would be printed out and given to him). One phone call a week. He had a week off in the middle. I had to take the Scan photos to be scanned in so I could email them to him. He missed the birth by two weeks.

Two weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Invite a friend over one evening. Video call him with your toddler. Send him pictures of what they are up to. Enjoy eating your favourite foods. It will pass quicker than you think.

I assume from what you've written that your relationship is in tatters anyway? That's the only explanation for your response to him going away.

Would you want to go away for 2 weeks for work? Leaving husband and toddler behind?

I imagine most people your dh included wouldn't be too pleased about it. A night or 2 might be a nice change of scene, break from chores but 2 weeks will likely be hard for him too.

Think practical. What can happen to make your life easier? Do you have a helpful grandparent who would come to stay at the weekend and give you a break? Can he take the toddler for a day out before/after? Can you order some easy meals? Can he help you before/after to get on top of things?

What is the real issue? Does he seem dismissive that it will be tough for you? Do you reckon he'll be having lots of fun in the evenings? Are you nervous about the appointment or struggling for childcare? It sounds like you need to communicate more. If it's genuine work, then he doesn't have much choice but I understand 2 weeks feels like ages, especially when pregnant.

Erm... you're not babysitting. You're caring for your children

My DH was away ALOT - he worked hard, long hours (by choice) but also had evenings in the pub, bbqs for the team etc etc
Being stuck at home with a toddler is not, imv , despite all the other posters finding it, I assume, an absolute delight, always fun, then add on being 5 months pregnant - I feel sorry for you OP. And I understand being envious of DH - just having adult company is something you miss when stuck in with a toddler.

What? You want to give him the Silent treatment as he needs to travel for work? That’s not immature it’s abusive, what’s wrong with you. And you have to manage the “whole house”.? When it’s just you and one child. Where do you live? Buckingham palace?

@heywassuphello

Erm... you're not babysitting. You're caring for your children

Child.

If a woman posted that theirhusband was giving them the silent treatment for working the cries would all be LTB and emotional abuse.

Yuk, what awful behaviour. Are you 14?

And hub?!! 🤮 In his shoes I'd go away for 2 weeks just to escape being called this!!

There must be some background to this? He's obviously done nothing wrong - so what's the actual issue?

My advice would be that you need to grow up

Using hub and hubby is a childish term in itself in my opinion he’s working, it’s not a holiday

You are five months pregnant, not ill with a serious illness, if you are that worried you can’t cope then see if family can help but millions of mothers manage alone either all the time or for extended periods

As to giving him the silent treatment, we’ll you sound awful

Put your big girl pants on and move on.

Presumably he works so you can stay at home???

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Military by any chance? If DD's dp goes into subs (they find out soon) he's out of touch for 6-8 weeks typically at a time, not easy but pays the bills

@FaaarkinEll

Giving the silent treatment is a mark of an abusive partner.

And it's soul destroying to be on the receiving end of, when you're away from home busting your balls to support your family.

Grow up OP. He's not gallivanting on some jolly with his mates, he's working. And whilst it might be nice staying in a hotel on holiday, working from one is no fun.

My dp is going abroad with work next week for the first time in 2 years, and I've got 3 kids to see to, and a minor operation smack bang in the middle for which I've had to juggle all sorts around for.

Next thing will be 'I feel like a single parent', anyone fancy mn bingo?

If you’re already feeling abandoned before he’s gone why would not speaking to him while he’s away make you feel better? Doesn’t your child have a right to contact with their dad?

Awaiting a massive drip feed otherwise you’re being immature and daft to resent looking after your own child or cleaning your own house. Let’s hope he doesn’t have to travel when you’ve got two, or gets ill or injured.

@spotcheck

But he's working! Does he not normally work? If not, aren't you happy for the money?

Honestly, I'll never get my head around people who think work is an imposition on family time 🤔

Exactly. I see this all the time on here. SAHMs moaning because their DHs aren't at home doing chores and as if their DH's job is some kind of optional extra rather than the tool that allows them to actually live and not work themselves.