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Original poster

Feeling abandoned bc hub is away

187 replies

applejanepie · 02/11/2021 04:12

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 02/11/2021 08:08

What you do is :- plan easy food, arrange to see friends with their toddler, arrange to have a friend over for a takeaway, watch terrible cheesy films that you wouldn't watch together, ring not text friends etc etc.

Two weeks goes very quickly.

What you don't do is punish someone for working away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2021 08:13

My dh is going on a jolly this weekend. Life for me is a struggle because of my poor health. You’ve got your health. A lovely toddler, a baby on the way. Please take stock.

loadofcrap10 · 02/11/2021 08:16

Yes, I've got some advice - grow the hell up

Fetarabbit · 02/11/2021 08:18

He's going away with work, hardly going on a 2 week holiday with his mates and purposefully planning it to coincide with a prenatal appointment. Invite a family member or friend to go with you, plan easy to cook meals and do an online shop for ease, make plans with friends, find some series' on TV you want to catch up on, starfish in bed...

Lanique · 02/11/2021 08:27

Good god Op, how do you think single mothers cope? Grow up and grow a backbone.

YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie · 02/11/2021 08:29

As someone who WAS actually abandoned with one child and one on the way, grow the hell up. You have no idea

Offmyfence · 02/11/2021 08:34

Whose children are you going to have to babysit whilst he is away? Because obviously you aren't babysitting your own child.

Your post is so full of woe is me. If you find the whole children thing too much, what made you have one let alone another one?

heywassuphello · 02/11/2021 11:28

@Bluntness100 she has 2 children. One born and one unborn
Does it even matter ?

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 11:34

@Simonjt

If I was given the silent treatment for working that would be a sure sign that I needed a divorce.
........ with bells on
VienneseWhirligig · 02/11/2021 11:39

It's two weeks, get a grip. Single parents, widowed parents, military families, all cope with their situations which are often long term if not permanent (and in the case of widowed parents, no choice in the situation). I often have to go away with work and I get homesick and bored, when DH was alive I used to miss him terribly but we spoke every night (while he was at home, managing the house, our child and working full time). It won't be all play time for your DH while he's away.

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 11:40

[quote heywassuphello]@Bluntness100 she has 2 children. One born and one unborn
Does it even matter ? [/quote]
Bluntness clarified because the OP is looking after her own child and is being super dramatic about it. The unborn baby isn't causing any additional work.

heywassuphello · 02/11/2021 11:54

@girlmom21 it defo is! Have you been pregnant? It's exhausting

TicTacHoh · 02/11/2021 11:56

You sound really immature, OP. If I got the silent treatment for working, I’d be on my heels

Triffid1 · 02/11/2021 12:01

I completely understand why being at home alone, heavily pregnant, with a toddler doesn't sound like something you are particularly excited about. Certainly, when I was pregnant with DC2, DC1 was still a terrible sleeper and I'd have really struggled if DH had disappeared off for 2 weeks, especially as I was still working. But unless there's some back story - eg this isn't work so much as a corporate golfing trip for two weeks or that he has the option to come back on the weekend and is choosing not to - it's not reasonable to be pissed with him for a work trip.

If things are going to be very hard, then absolutely discuss with him what options you may need to put in place to make it easier - eg additional childcare or meal kits or whatever. When DH took DC1 away for 2 weeks and I was left with DC2 who was still v young, and working, I got a babysitter in to help out including feeding DC2 (and leaving leftovers for me!) etc. Similarly, when DH was left with DC1 as a (non-sleeping, high needs) baby for 10 days, on his return I took over completely for 2 days so he could just chill out and recover.

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 12:20

[quote heywassuphello]@girlmom21 it defo is! Have you been pregnant? It's exhausting[/quote]
I've got 2 children. I have a toddler and a newborn. Being 5 months pregnant with a toddler is really not the hardest thing in the world. OP is being incredibly dramatic - unless she's chosen not to tell us about some major pregnancy-related health issues.

Picklesbaby · 02/11/2021 12:26

Aw I think you’ve had a hard time here . my dh works away and I feel for you , it’s hard but we have to suck it up ! Its actually more organised without him and I enjoy getting the kids to bed and having peace and quite. The more negatively you think about it the worse you will feel , try and relax& enjoy some alone time with your toddler before the baby comes .

neededafart · 02/11/2021 12:35

Oh Grow up.

He hasn't abandoned you. He is WORKING.

You are not babysiting,, you are being a mother.

You will survive going to a prenatal app on your own, many women do every day.

I feel really sorry for your husband.

Giving him the silent treatment is immature and a right dick move

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 12:35

@Picklesbaby

Aw I think you’ve had a hard time here . my dh works away and I feel for you , it’s hard but we have to suck it up ! Its actually more organised without him and I enjoy getting the kids to bed and having peace and quite. The more negatively you think about it the worse you will feel , try and relax& enjoy some alone time with your toddler before the baby comes .
I think she deserves the hard time for saying she's going to give him the silent treatment tbh That is abusive behviour when the poor guy needs to go for work
blink1eight2 · 02/11/2021 12:35

@applejanepie

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY
You're not babysitting when it's your own bloody child
lastqueenofscotland · 02/11/2021 12:47

Being upset he works away is fine. My DP is in London for work this week, I’m a drip and will miss him. Am I annoyed? No. Of course not. I’m not completely unhinged.
If he gave me the silent treatment when I worked away I would drop his ass so fast. You sound unpleasant, hard work and really controlling.

Glaghirl · 02/11/2021 12:52

Get a grip

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 02/11/2021 12:56

@applejanepie

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY
I mean, you have more than most and are not homeless or in poverty. Your dh is away providing for his family so you're being a bit childish really
chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 02/11/2021 12:57

I get the feeling to at you're not exactly poor either

Couldhavebeenme3 · 02/11/2021 12:59

[quote heywassuphello]@girlmom21 it defo is! Have you been pregnant? It's exhausting[/quote]
Yeah, it is exhausting. Doesn't give op free rein to give her 'hubs' the silent treatment though does it?

I suspect op hasn't ever worked away from home for 2 weeks either - assuming it's not a golf jolly with expensed strippers, living and working out of a hotel room can be quite grim, boring and isolating too.

One would also assume that the dh is in a job well-paid enough to require 2 essential weeks away, and sufficient that she is financially comfortable enough to be a sahp.

Now if she was ALSO juggling childcare, her own full-time job, housework, a toddler AND be pregnant...

ThelmaMadine · 02/11/2021 12:59

Poor man.

I hope he’s enjoying his freedom while he can.