Feeling abandoned bc hub is away

[applejanepie]

Hubby is going away for two weeks overseas for work. I’m five months pregnant with a toddler DD too. Feeling resentful that he gets to travel and I’m stuck at home babysitting and cleaning. Also feeling abandoned bc will miss one of the prenatal appts and now I have to manage the whole house alone. Want to give him silent treatment while he’s away. (Yeah I know it’s immature, and I should be grateful for time alone…). Advice to make this easier? TY

I'm over the years my husband has worked away. The longest was 6 months, we didn't see him every weekend.

I enjoy it when he works away, no work always for me.

*over the

My friend is a widow.
Not sure she's getting every other weekend off. What a crass comment.

@Couldhavebeenme3 you're preaching to the wrong person :/ read my previous posts🙄

@girlmom21 so am I as it goes. But again.. you're preaching to the wrong side

Yes and most of them have every other weekend off and some of school holidays too

What a ridiculous comment.

OP you deal with it by getting over it and not punishing your DH with 'silent treatment' over going away to work. And you don't babysit your own DC, you parent them.

@Bluntness100 , the reply about having every other weekend off was to a comment I made and tbh I wasn’t sure how to take it !
I bought my dd up by myself from the age of 9 months, I certainly didn’t get any weekends off ! Some people have no idea eh ?

Im assuming hormones and tiredness have made you come across a bit unreasonable but i understand how you feel in terms of not wanting to be left alone - but don't blame your husband! Put some plans in place to make it better while he is away - get a cleaner in each week, take the laundry to a laundrette at the weekend and pay for it to be ironed too, and get a meal delivery company organised. Maybe taking the household tasks etc off you might help?

Take your child to the park/softplay/ anywhere that will burn energy one morning then have a lazy afternoon at the weekend, you will survive!

I’ve been a single parent for 17 years. I haven’t been out for an evening for 5 years.

I’m sure you’ll cope.

"Yes and most of them have every other weekend off and some of school holidays too"

Really?? I get no child support and my children don't see their Dad so I think it's not accurate to assume that "most" of us are living it up every second weekend!

To the Op I think you need to breathe and relax. I've been raising my three children alone from age 7,4 and 3 months for the last ten years! Go to work, come home and let your daughter play while you throw a quick meal together, have a bath and relax a bit. The house can get dirty and you can give it a tidy up on the weekends. It's only two weeks!

I am confused by the obsession with 'extra curriculars'. If she doesn't do them when he is here, why does she need them when he isn't?

Sounds to me like you are afraid to be alone with her.

You won't be in most of the week. So there's a lot of housework that just won't need to be done. No one is going to be in making mess etc.

I was a single mum and worked similar hours. The house was fairly easy, didn't take much each day. You will have wahinf for the 2 of you but that can wait till weekends. Do a big food shop before he goes and then one on the weekend between.

House management sounds silly because it's what everyone does every day. It's called life.

I despair of Millennials, they've absolutely no grit. Nobody knows the meaning of just getting on with it. Are you really feeling this sorry for yourself over 2 weeks?!

I've had to pull months and months of suddenly being a single mom when my specialist DH would get furloughed for projects in shitholes we certainly couldn't always communicate with him, let alone visit. My family lives several airplane journeys away so no back up either. He misses us terribly but that's the life. And yes, sometimes it sucks and is frustrating and boring, but hey ho. Grinning and crying about it, and making him feel worse with a pity party, isn't going to make the time go quicker...

@BustedCanOfBiscuits

I despair of Millennials, they've absolutely no grit. Nobody knows the meaning of just getting on with it. Are you really feeling this sorry for yourself over 2 weeks?!

I've had to pull months and months of suddenly being a single mom when my specialist DH would get furloughed for projects in shitholes we certainly couldn't always communicate with him, let alone visit. My family lives several airplane journeys away so no back up either. He misses us terribly but that's the life. And yes, sometimes it sucks and is frustrating and boring, but hey ho. Grinning and crying about it, and making him feel worse with a pity party, isn't going to make the time go quicker...

Done be ridiculous. I am a millennial 40 next year. Also, been an actual single parent I'm a full time professional job.

My oldest is almost 18 and heading to university. I coped just fine.

Funny you think millennial have no grit. But then describe yourself as a single parent. When you weren't. Your husband worked away. Even if it's for months with no contact, it's not single parenthood. You have a partner. Their income. They come home at some point.

Its hard but it's not the same as being a single parent.

The fact that op feels this way, doesn't mean a whole generation would feel the same.

[quote heywassuphello]@girlmom21 so am I as it goes. But again.. you're preaching to the wrong side [/quote]
I haven't said anything to you?

I empathise with you OP. But you need to reframe it.

In the last recession, DH got a contract on a job which meant he was away, literally the other side of the globe, for 2 weeks. He left Sunday mornings and got back at lunchtime on Saturday having travelled through the night both directions.

When he was here, he also had a FT job to do.

I was working a very stressful FT role, and expected to do a lot of unpaid overtime.

Dd was in primary school, and had recently been DX'd with SNs (high functioning but still needed management and support ).

We got au pairs to help with school run etc, but I was still paying for ft cover in after school club as AP hours meant she couldn't do both and morning was more important to me. It also meant there was always someone else there which was fine with some of them, but I literally was never alone to just slob - I was always having to chat in the evenings.

We were under pressure to go visit DPs and DPILs on the 1 weekend a month DH was at home all weekend, they lived almost 3 hours away.

We just got on with it as there was no choice for 4 years. DH found it hard. I found it hard. DD found it hard.

He did not have a fun time while away, he worked 12 hour days and lived on microwave dinners. In a place with high crime (literally car jackings at gunpojnt and more than once their rooms being broken into while they were asleep in bed).

The advice to make it easier part?

Don't complain to him, complain to the internet or a friend at work. (Not family - his will hold it against you, yours will hold it against him).

Make a routine that works while he's away. We had meals like chicken nuggets and chips a few times on most of his trips, or shop pizza, or I would do a batch of spag Bol or lasagna the Sunday he left (to take my mind off it) and freeze some for another night while he was away.

When he was home, as we could tag team the evening, I would do more cooked from scratch meals.

And find a box set or list of movies you like for the evenings or start a craft you can do at home. (I would say get a babysitter and still go,out- but I had 2 nights babysitting in the AP hours that I used about 3 of in the whole 4 years...it was too much after work for me to go out to meet a friend or do an exercise class).

Get help if you can, a cleaner or an au pair or after school club etc. Buy in meals if you have to. Set lower standards for a short while.

It can be crap. But try to keep your calls/messages with DP relatively positive as he is probably also having a hard time. And it's very easy to dwell on grumpy calls when you are alone (at either end). Making a very grumpy return as things have been magnified by the distance and inability to communicate properly.

I'm sure you reap the benefits of him being away ie additional money. Don't be dick and act like a child because he's away for work.

Lots of people have husbands who work away, it's not a big deal really

I've only seen mine for 4 weeks this whole year since May

It definitely was very hard when I had a under 2 year old , a baby and a job but you know what.. life can be hard

I think you aren't being nice towards your husband if I'm honest. Stop sulking and deal with it.

@BustedCanOfBiscuits

I despair of Millennials, they've absolutely no grit. Nobody knows the meaning of just getting on with it. Are you really feeling this sorry for yourself over 2 weeks?!

I've had to pull months and months of suddenly being a single mom when my specialist DH would get furloughed for projects in shitholes we certainly couldn't always communicate with him, let alone visit. My family lives several airplane journeys away so no back up either. He misses us terribly but that's the life. And yes, sometimes it sucks and is frustrating and boring, but hey ho. Grinning and crying about it, and making him feel worse with a pity party, isn't going to make the time go quicker...

Wow...maybe don't generalise an entire generation over one person? I'm a millennial, graduated into the 2008 recession, and ended up doing menial work to survive. I would literally be up at about 4am every day and walk miles in the freezing cold and dark to my call centre shift, where I had timed loo breaks, and then on to a job cleaning hotel rooms. I would walk home in absolute bits and then have to make some kind of nutritious dinner out of the cheapest possible ingredients from Aldi. Took me years to get on my feet and get my career on track.

But yeah, I'm sure having the financial support of a 'specialist DH' who was sent abroad for work was just sooooo tough. Poor you.

Have read all your posts OP. Get over yourself and get on with it. It's 2 weeks ffs. Your husband is going off to work, not on a jolly. Hope you never become a single parent then you'd realise what an actual struggle is.

Also OP try being married to someone in the Army. They go away for months at a time.

@BustedCanOfBiscuits

I despair of Millennials, they've absolutely no grit. Nobody knows the meaning of just getting on with it.

Or maybe those of us with grit and getting on with it are... you know... getting on with it so you don't know when things are tough for us.

Also you weren't ever a single parent if you had a 'specialist' (love that you dropped that in) DH. You have a DH who worked away frequently and contributed financially in doing so. You weren't a single parent.

Odd to call yourself one. Maybe it's you who should some grit and just get on with it instead of labelling yourself as something you aren't...

If I was OP I would never want to come back to this thread!

The mean posters would do well to remember that @applejanepie is a real live human being who asked for advice on how to cope with her DH's absence when she is working full-time and had a toddler and is pregnant.

She may well have worded the OP is a way that didn't make anyone feel instantly sympathetic, but there is no need for nastiness.

@ufucoffee

Also OP try being married to someone in the Army. They go away for months at a time.

To be fair you know what you're signing up to in that case, and the military has more of a support network for spouses and children. Even if you're not a trailing spouse you can access certain things from local units if needed.