After 18 years husband attacked me

[Desperate885]

After a heated argument my husband of 18 years attacked me. We were arguing over money and the kids He threw his phone at me which missed and smashed then grabbed my hair and tried to push me down the stairs I managed to keep from falling but once at the bottom grabbed me round the throat. He has never been violent before and luckily both children were out for the night I don’t know what to do I left to go to a hotel but have to go back as have no where else to go and don’t want to let the children know what’s going on. I don’t know how I feel. Is it over or worth fighting for? I have no family to confide in and our friends are joint friends
Do I leave or stay

it sounds very frightening.

I’m so sorry this happened. Hands on neck/ strangling is a massive red flag according to this article I read the other day.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/oct/14/gabby-petito-wyoming-strangulation-domestic-violence

I know from personal experience that you MUST report this to the police and get him charged.
He could easily have killed you. If you don't get the police involved you could lose your home, have to share custody with a violent man etc.
I would not be surprised if an affair triggered this, it is known for men to get violent with existing partners when someone else is in the picture.

Actually if you are asking is it worth fighting for, what happened?

You said you were both 'arguing about money and the kids'. Has he lost his job? Had you overspent?

@ThatsWhatI errrr... "snapping" when you've had enough is when you say "I've had enough" and you pack a bag and you leave.

You don't throw things at your partner, pull their hair, throw them down the stairs and strangle them.

Victim blaming at its finest. No one EVER deserves to be assaulted.

@OnwardsAndSideways1 this is great info. We are taught to believe it starts small but you’re right it doesn’t have to.

I do bet he is abusive in other ways… I mean even if OP’s argument was because she spent their last penny getting the children pole dancing lessons… you might feel like wanting to strangle someone, but you wouldn’t do it.

This man is an animal. A rabid beast who’s now felt the sweet release of his rage on physically attacking you and yes… attempting to murder you.

You should know that. Like any violent person it feels GOOD to hit and to deal with rage in a way that makes you feel powerful.

You staying in his mind (warped mind that it is) gives him a pass to hurt you. Deep down he wont forget how afraid you were and all that power he had. He will think: How DARE you speak to him like that??? After all if it really were THAT bad why would you stay? Oh and how you’ve MADE him feel bad (him! The only one who matters!) by breathing and reminding him of what a wretch he is. How he had to apologize (he hates you with each sniveling platitude he had to speak) when It was all your fault . You made him do it, you never seem to learn your lesson. Surely you must know how angry you make him and that you need to be put in your place! He can be sorry later, but right now he needs to deal with making you feel sorry.. and you will. He will show you what it means to argue with him…

They think this way.
Abusers like to abuse. It feels GOOD to them.

Not only did he grab you around the throat, he attempted to push you down the stairs...and that's two potentially lethal attacks. Phone the police. Do not go back to live with this man. Get your children away from him.

Follow the excellent advice from @pipiandbelle, make some plans, and protect yourself and your children. They will have to know that something is wrong, but not necessarily all of it. And don't be fooled into thinking "he'd NEVER hurt the children!" I imagine you thought he'd never hurt you, either.

I'm so sorry you've experienced this. It will be a big change for you after 18 years to have to build a new life. Just remember it will be a happier one! You can do this! Please don't live in fear, it's really not worth it for yourself, and certainly not for your kids x

Do you think you should stay with someone who tried to kill you?

Please don't try to hide this from your kids. They need protecting from him.

You can never trust him again. You need to get rid of him and protect your children. Please contact threshold/women’s aid

What if it had been one of your DC arguing with their F? What if he had done the same to one of them as he has done to you? He hadn’t been violent with you before, so there is literally no way of knowing who he could be violent to next…..

Please know you deserve better, and do all you can to protect your children and yourself.

I hope that you contacted the police What has happened to you and the children since your post ?

@julieca

I think it would help if you could ring your mum or a friend and tell them what happened. You are going to need support. It must be incredibly hard to face both what has happened and what you now have to do. But someone who snaps like that and does such serious violence is dangerous. To you and your children. You need to protect them as well.

I really agree with this. You need to tell someone.

@Desperate885 I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. You need to leave. The only choice is your own life and the future of your children. The risk is too great to stay. I hope you get the support you need.

we dont need both sides
we are not the judge and jury

we are listening to the op

@Desperate885 are you okay?

Don’t go back

You report the assault to the police

You tell him to leave

Imagine your dc coming home to find your body at the foot of that stairs, or having to identify your remains in a morgue. What would that do to them?

There are worse things than splitting up.

Run....run as fast as you can! This will only escalate. Protect yourself and your kids. Report to police. Please please don't go back. Keep posting on here .....everyone is backing you and supporting you.
Sending hugs .....keep yourself safe 💐😢