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Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Didimum · 22/11/2021 13:37

Am I the only one wondering if he's replied yet? lol

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 14:36

@Didimum
He has! He's also tried to call, I didnt answer.

It doesnt really make sense. He said he isnt seeing other people and it was implied given how much fun we were having and he assumed I knew etc. He said he has been super busy with work but he replied to my message and it didn't go through. He then sent me a screenshot of his response that has the little clock on the message at the date/time rather than the tick, meaning it hadn't gone through. He sent the message the same evening I asked.

He said I should have just called him and that he hopes I didnt ever think he'd just end things like that.

Now im just like ... HmmConfusedBlush

OP posts:
Didimum · 22/11/2021 14:49

I KNEW HE'D REPLY! Wow, though. Bet your head is in a spin. Even I need a moment to process, lol. I've even been keeping my husband updated on this thread.

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 22/11/2021 14:53

Oooh what a twist..! I’m really glad he’s replied and not ghosted you, it did seem strange from everything you’d said about the relationship so far, that he would do that.

It sounded like you had a really good thing going and you liked him a lot so surely this is good...? Smile Are you not sure you believe him? X

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 22/11/2021 14:56

Also I think I was really Invested in this OP as you sound a lot like a very good lovely friend of mine whose had similarly bad luck with terrible men in the past so I’m extra chuffed he’s replied and want it to work out for you Grin

dabbydeedoo · 22/11/2021 15:27

[quote ToastOnCheese]@Didimum
He has! He's also tried to call, I didnt answer.

It doesnt really make sense. He said he isnt seeing other people and it was implied given how much fun we were having and he assumed I knew etc. He said he has been super busy with work but he replied to my message and it didn't go through. He then sent me a screenshot of his response that has the little clock on the message at the date/time rather than the tick, meaning it hadn't gone through. He sent the message the same evening I asked.

He said I should have just called him and that he hopes I didnt ever think he'd just end things like that.

Now im just like ... HmmConfusedBlush[/quote]
Well, this changes quite a lot. If he did reply and it didn't go through and he's screenshotted it then he probably is telling the truth? Unless you think he's mad enough to have photoshopped it? So odd.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 15:38

Haha I love these responses! Grin

I do believe him, I more just think why didn't he send another message or chase up my lack of response?

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 15:40

@dabbydeedoo
Absolutely don't think he'd be able to photoshop anything!

I do believe him. I just think, is he so laid back that he didn't even care whether I messaged or not?

OP posts:
Squeezedtillipop · 22/11/2021 15:51

Oooo what a top plot twist!

Didimum · 22/11/2021 16:04

What prompted him to send that message with the screenshot from him? Did you message again? You said that he'd said he'd tried to call but you didn't answer – when was this? Did it go to voicemail, or ring out? I'm assuming you didn't get any missed calls or voicemails.

I do agree with you. He let almost a week pass, knowing his message hadn't sent, but still not really bothering to talk to you. I'm rooting for all to be well here, but it's a little irritating at this point.

Didimum · 22/11/2021 16:05

Oh wait. I misread. He's tried to call since but you didn't answer. Well, I'd definitely have a chat with him. Just keep your spidey senses turned on for BS.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 16:09

Rightly or wrongly, I messaged him yesterday and said...
"Hi, hope you're okay. From your lack of response I presume you aren't interested in continuing things. That's obviously your decision, it's just a shame you couldn't be upfront and honest with me, as I would have been with you. Anyway, that's fine, I've had fun getting to know you!"

He replied a few hours later and sent a few messages, I didnt respond so he tried to call, I didnt answer so he messaged some more. (I'll add screenshots to next post if I can)

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 16:11

...

When to have The Talk
When to have The Talk
OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 16:13

Its not letting me send anymore. Its basically just him saying "it's a given, it was a fun day" and "I hope you don't think I'd just walk away like that."

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 22/11/2021 16:22

Give him another go ToastOnCheese, seems like a genuine mistake!

beastlyslumber · 22/11/2021 16:27

Ooh well I guess I need to take back my unkind comments about this man! Sounds like it's back on then Grin

dabbydeedoo · 22/11/2021 16:37

I don't think I could be doing with someone who took that long to reply to anything, even if he is being genuine about not dating others. I think you're right, OP, why on earth wouldn't he call you or send another text? I can't imagine a man who was really into me and excited about dating me not obsessively checking his phone after sending that message, and waiting to see what I'd say back.

DiamondBright · 22/11/2021 16:37

@ToastOnCheese I would continue with caution, there aren't many decent blokes around so if there's any chance he's one of them he's worth another go, given all he's guilty of if poor communication.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong here, I would definitely be having that conversation after two months, you risk completely wasting your time if not.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 16:48

We shall see, im glad I send the message because then hopefully he'll know that I'm willing to walk away if I'm not happy.

I might suggest we meet up this week to have a chat.

OP posts:
Didimum · 22/11/2021 16:53

You're right there, OP –why would you call someone who hasn't replied!? Though, actually, I can actually imagine myself saying that to someone if I later knew they were sitting there fretting. But it's a fair challenge.

As someone said above, I'd proceed with caution. Sounds like you have a good thing going. My husband was also a non texter, it's just the way he is, even now no one can get a message out of him in a decent timeframe – I've long stopped trying to get him to change. It was irritating in the beginning though, however I did trust his intentions completely. Just keep true to yourself, as you have been doing.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 22/11/2021 16:58

@didimum
I said that to him, he said that he meant why didn't I call to ask him the question, rather than texting him something "serious." I said making sure he isn't shagging other people isn't serious!

Thanks! In a weird way, I do trust him and his intentions. It's nice to know there are similar people out there, who just don't use their phones!

OP posts:
shivermetimbers77 · 22/11/2021 17:05

I agree with the others OP: sounds like it was probably a genuine mistake (although also agree, he should have tried again or called if he could see his message hadn’t gone through) . Worth meeting up again and seeing how it goes. Good luck!

CousinKrispy · 22/11/2021 17:08

"I said making sure he isn't shagging other people isn't serious!"

Really?! It seems pretty serious, you've got a multi-page thread about asking this of him and the fallout from having sent it by text instead of just having a face to face talk or giving him a call about it.

beastlyslumber · 22/11/2021 17:18

@CousinKrispy

"I said making sure he isn't shagging other people isn't serious!"

Really?! It seems pretty serious, you've got a multi-page thread about asking this of him and the fallout from having sent it by text instead of just having a face to face talk or giving him a call about it.

That jumped out at me, too! I think the lesson to take from all this is to be honest with yourself and upfront about what you want. Don't downplay your wishes or concerns. Hopefully you will be able to work this out with the fella.
Yummypumpkin · 22/11/2021 17:39

Hmmmmm.....well he does seem genuine in the messages....but I'm still cross with him.

I'm not sure why, as he doesn't seem to have done anything wrong.

But I