When to have The Talk

[ToastOnCheese]

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

@bebarkered

bongobingo43 His phone isn't switched off, OP said her friends have already tried ringing him

Ah ok, I read that the phone was switched on but id assumed that if he didn't answer it would still go to voicemail!

It's driving me crazy never mind OP and I still think the best way for OP to get the truth is to find him on social media 🤞🏼

Sorry, my friends have tried ringing him, they've tried looking for him on SM. I know his phone is on because the WhatsApp went through 2 ticks.

His voicemail just says his first name.

Haven't tried ringing him*

Wonder if he’s still on the dating apps?

Just curious, did he approach you on the dating app first? It is weird knowing you don’t have much sex to understand what he’s getting out of it apart from a small ego stroke? But its not like you chase him to be fair.

I am glad you are giving us one last laugh by not blocking Toast!

He deserves to be laughed at as he is a bit of a joke.

@ToastOnCheese can’t believe he’s still not contacted you. Well i can! But what a knob! What did you say in your what’s app message to him today?

@Raychelle
I got the dating app back a couple of hours ago, absolutely no chance I'd be able to find him!
It was Bumble so we both matched and then I started the conversation.
I've never once complimented him or said anything nice about him really (just the way I am) so the only confidence boost he was getting was me meeting up with him. I'm quite a sarcastic and jokey person, definitely not the sort to stroke someone's ego.

@Evian57
I asked if covid had killed him! The irony is, I lost someone close to covid, which he knows about, and part of me is genuinely worried he may be unwell. The person I lost to covid still managed to message the people they care about while they were in hospital a few days before they died, so he has absolutely no excuse, if he even does have it.

Stay strong Op! He’s not interested. And for next time, a month in I know a man is interested. 3 months in, there’s no doubt.
A male friend of mine once said to me ‘if there’s doubt, there is no doubt’
Basically when a guy likes you, you’ll know. You won’t be wondering and analysing and unsure.
Concentrate on you now Op and having fun with your lovely sounding friends 😄

@Campfirewood
Thank you, you're totally right. And my friends are lovely, I'm very lucky! I'm just unlucky on the male front haha.

@ToastOnCheese yeah I think if he does come back to you he may use Covid as an excuse but that’s all it would be, an excuse. He was literally mid conversation with you and then he has ignored you for days. I definitely suspect he may not be 100% single and there’s someone in the background. I know we need closure sometimes but I don’t think you will get the truth with this guy. Find yourself a nice new guy for a new year. X

@Evian57
Thank you, I agree that he'll use covid if he does come back.

Feeling totally rubbish tonight. I know I'll be fine in a few days but when you're in it it's so rubbish! I forgot the feeling of losing someone you actually care about.

@ToastOnCheese Chin up, you know you’ll be fine, just keep thinking he doesn’t give 2 craps about you, we are all here if you need to vent etc. x

@Raychelle
Thank you x

Well, the thread comes to a conclusion.

I messaged earlier to say I don't know what's going on but I'm going to give this a miss because we are clearly on different pages.

Hes just responded now to say he's unwell and that's why he hasn't responded, however he's been thinking and he agrees with me...

So that's that!

@ToastOnCheese what a knob! I don’t think he was ever going to offer you more and when you questioned him on it, he knew the game was up. Hopefully that gives you some sort of closure. I wouldn’t even bother replying to him, he’s not worth anymore of your time. 💐

Quite old, no dating apps then.

By three months (minutes), we both absolutely knew and it was all completely natural,

Pressed too soon. Sorry.

If you’re still not sure after 3 months, then a conversation is needed.

I’m glad you finished with him, this could have dragged on for the rest of 2022.
You sound lovely op, you will definitely find someone deserving of you
Please let us know when you do !

Ach, what a cold bastard! He couldn't even try to be magnanimous about it! Good riddance. I am sure you are hurting a wee bit but the sting will go out of it soon x

If tempted to reply I might go for the good ol' fashioned (fuck you) thumbs up, then BLOCK!!

Eugh what an ass! So sorry he’s kept you hanging for so long but at least you can move on now knowing you had a lucky escape.

Thanks all.

Im feeling really gutted tonight but know things will get better very quickly.

I have everything crossed that I meet someone nice!

Aw what an absolute asshole!!! So sorry @ToastOnCheese. Didn’t he say to you a few months ago he wouldn’t just disappear, remember when his message hadn’t sent and eventually you two spoke - didn’t he say he’d be honest with you and not just disappear or something like that? Well he f*ing just totally did exactly that. He SOOOOO doesn’t deserve you, he sounds like he’s the champion of mixed messages and that kind of behaviour makes you go crazy, urgh I’m so annoyed on your behalf. I wasted about 5/6 months with someone like that once, in hindsight his lack of contact between dates was sooo weird/non committal but I didn’t question it (because deep down I didn’t want to know what he had to say ie that he wasn’t that interested).. I HATE when people string you along, can you tell I’m really annoyed at your guy on your behalf 😤😤😤😤😤?

So sorry @ToastOnCheese you deserve so much more! and you will meet someone who deserves you soon!

If only we could all start a page to warn each other of who to avoid on OLD! He sounds like someone I once dated (probably just someone similar), but I bet there are a pool of guys on the dating apps that multiple people have experience of (or have even posted about!)

Oh @ToastOnCheese I feel sad for you because you’ll inevitably be stinging tonight, remembering the good bits and feeling disappointment that the what ifs didn’t lead where you’d hoped.

But soon you’ll 100% feel that he was a cowardly, insipid, lazy and hypocritical fool, who was careless with your feelings, idle with effort, and will never be happy with that sort of approach to life.

The worst thing about the twat is that he didn’t realise he was on to a winner with you, and didn’t do everything in his power to create and maintain a proper relationship with you.

It’s his loss. The fool.

Thank you all. I don't know why you've all been so nice to me! But I really appreciate it. You've all been far nicer to me than he's ever been

@MuckyPlucky
Thats exactly how I'm feeling. I feel so sad and angry, really.
But I'm so proud of myself and the way I've acted. I told him it was over, I didnt beg, I didnt question him, I didnt get angry or upset, i havent tried to continue the conversation. I just said that was fine and wished him a good 2022. I could have said nothing and waited until he got in touch but really all I'd have been is a stop gap until he found someone "better."